Wednesday, January 23, 2008


i've been on craigslist A LOT in the past few months. the lost&found and pets categories mostly. i'm still looking for a certain someone,

and i figured that since craigslist got me into this mess ("fixed" cats, both pregnant. thanks, craig), perhaps it might get me out by my posting a lost ad and looking at the found ones.

so far, no luck. no yancey. but i am hopeful.

except i did have one "helpful" e-mail that suggested that my missing kitty would respond to the smell of whoever it was closest to. (that would be me) this helpful cat person then suggested that i pee in a bottle and then sprinkle the urine around the perimeter of my property to attract the lost kitty back home.

i've peed in a lot of places. i've peed in every yard i've ever owned, i've peed in my pants, and i've peed in a million cups at the gynecologist's office, just one at the mexico-texas border, and in the backseat of a car (32 ouncer) going down the freeway at 80 miles an hour.

"oops" never sounded so frighteningly telling than it did that day to the poor friend driving.

having camped and backpacked and road-tripped my way down the coast, over the mountains, and across the country, i'm not shy about peeing without the benefit of porcelain beneath me.

BUT, there is something about deliberately peeing into a bottle (did she suggest a spray bottle? a water bottle? i can't remember) and then taking said pee and sprinkling it around the perimeter of my property.

"howdy neighbor! fine day for SPILLING MY URINE NEXT TO YOUR DRIVEWAY. whoops! better move aside!"

first off, my property is not small so i would need a big bottle and a hell of a lot of pee.

and second, our property banks up against property belonging to the united states government. property cut off with a VERY DEFINED AND DESIGNATED easement, huge ass fence topped with razor wire, with a well patrolled by well armed soldiers frontage road on the other side.

i can see me up on the hill, jug of urine in hand bending to my task when the patrol swings by.

what, really, would one say? what would possibly be a plausible excuse in this day and age for brandishing a jug of urine so near an important government property?

if you can't take a bottle of water onto the plane, i'm pretty sure you can't haul around a big jug of your own urine up by a the fence line of a united states government property.

sure, i doubt it's some federal crime, but i'm sure it would be frowned upon at the least, and incur some amount of questioning.

and if there wasn't a "file" already, there certainly would be now.

i love my kitty and miss him terribly. but no. i'm not peeing in a bottle or a jug or anything else and sprinkling it around my property.

though, judging from some of those craigslist folks and their ads in other more specific categories, that sort of behavior just might be the ticket to getting myself some dates should i find myself in need of one.


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