Friday, September 29, 2006

if it's friday it must be family movie night...

oh joy!...i can't WAIT to see what lost gem from the 80's we'll be watching tonight!

seriously, i love family movie night...but there are so few *family movies* left that we haven't seen we are digging deep and coming up short...

i can't wait until they're old enough that we can change family movie night to thursdays and watch the office together...no video stores...no stupid movies with insipid characters and sappy happy endings...just michael scott and all of his profound wisdom...i'm chuckling already...

because now we've nearly come to the point wherein beethoven (the 7 million movies made about the big old dog who wrecks the house the neighborhood the town but they STILL KEEP HIM!) and all of its sequels is looking good...

time to get netflix...

if only i wasn't so afraid of convenient economical technology offering so many choices i couldn't possibly narrow it down...

oh, and re: the duke of fun and my using him as fodder for my blog, i have not yet figured out a course of action...but i can say in my best tootie ramsey voice

"there's gonna be troubbbblllleee!"

should it come down to it i will try to protect you all as accomplices, but i can't promise anything...

x.

dinner tonight

pizza

sometimes we make our own, sometimes we hock one of the boybarians and get a pizza from round table...but mostly we get a take and bake from our fancy grocery store and it's very good...and cheap...and for now since the boybarians are still of reasonable size and hormones, there are leftovers...what more could you ask for?

don't answer that.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

when you're on a roll you might as well butter it...

continuing on the rant from yesterday i just want to say i do not care for skinny jeans...

i did not care for them twenty years ago when i was skinny and i don't care for them now...i won't go so far as to say they are dumb, but they don't look good...even if you are skinny...

they make you look like the cartoon version of robin hood when he dresses up like the stork at the archery competition...

not a good look...still, maid marian falls for him!...i cannot pretend to understand the female mind...

so i needed new underwear and went shopping the other day only to find out they stopped making the underwear i liked...

of course they did...and in their place they have some sort of seamless microfiber business...

now i understand microfiber has its uses, i do...but can't a girl get a simple pair of cotton underwear?...why does everything have to be so fancy?

i realize, of course, that if i bought my underwear in places that don't sell them in plastic packages of 3 right next to the grout cleaner and the rain boots i might have better luck...

but i don't...the reasons are many, the logic thin...

so i browse around trying to find a replacement...i just want underwear...i don't want to make a statement...i don't need to advertise anything...i am long past the stage of show and tell...i just want to cover the bits and be on my way...

i look and look and they are all low rise bikini thong blah blah blah...and none are in black...why don't they sell black cotton underwear anymore?...i like black...it suits my cranky mood...but no black...at least not in the utilitarian undies...

no they have plenty of white and pink and all these incredibly ugly colors i can't imagine liking past the age of 12...

and then i spy what might be my only solution in this case...boy shorts...

now...let me just say that boy shorts seem like a good idea...and i'm sure on the right body they are most excellent...but i am skeptical...it seems like an awful lot of material if i were to actually get my correct size...but still, i am willing...desperate...

until i see the colors...good lord...they are all hideous pre-tween bubble gum colors...with white bands likes boys underwear...they are awful!

i buy them...

i buy them because i need underwear and i'm there and because at least for now i'm not going anywhere else...

they aren't so bad...rather like those big girl panties you used to get as a little kid...only bigger...and uglier...

and now for the laugh of the day...

i had to take the duke of fun into the naturopath the other day...she was trying to assess what remedy to administer for some scalp issues he's been having...after about an hour of chatting and an exam she's nearly at the stage of deciding what will be best...just a few more questions to narrow it down...

"so...would you say that the duke is 'yielding' in nature"

can i tell you.

but at the time i thought it unseemly to fall down on my ass laughing and peeing my new ugly underpants for hours on end until the proper authorities were called in...

the duke is about as yeilding as pete doherty in re-hab...he's about as yeilding as charlie sheen at a gambler's anonymous meeting...he's about as yeilding as george bush *anywhere*...

boy is not yeilding.

he is a taurus...he is the firstborn son of a somewhat ALBEIT IN A LOVING WAY controlling neurotic mother...

it is not in his best interest to be yeilding...plus, i bet it's just not any fun...

i put all of this in a very very very respectful and positive way and she administered the appropriate rememdy...

i couldn't wait to get home and share it with the lord of the ring...this will work for a laugh for about another 4.5 days and then fall into a not very funny but still slightly clever one word insided joke for another few years at least...

OH MY GOD!

the duke of fun on his way to do his latin *just* asked, and i quote

"do you write anything about me on your blog?"

shit.

what do i do! what do i say!

i lied.

"no"

"good"

"why?...would that make you upset?"

"i don't know"

then he left the room to do his work...

um, just a guess but I'M BETTING IT WOULD!!!

good. lord. i may have just lost my best material!

sure i got out of it this time with a well placed lie...but i know from personal experience that only works so long...

shit....where was i?

oh, yeah, the yeilding thing...

i need to go.

x.

dinner tonight

bowtie pasta with ham and peas
salad
apple blueberry pie

the pasta with ham and peas has a very very light cream sauce and parmesan...it's a nigella recipe...i just love her and i LOVE her recipes...they are easy and always delicious...though i've never cooked from how to be a domestic goddess, i hear that book was a bit wonky in the recipe department...but her later books are fab...

anyhow, wingman requested salad...he likes simple salads so a green salad with cucumber and peppers sounds good...the lord of the ring made the pie yesterday and it's so delicious!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

the milkman cometh...

bring on the jokes, people!...we now have a milkman...

in an ever increasing effort to know where my food is from we now have our milk delivered from big strapping men in striped overalls...well, that's what i've heard since they come at the crack of dawn and i've never actually seen them...

the whole recent e. coli scare has really driven home the point of trying to source fresh local produce, meats, and dairy...i've spent this past summer on this and i am so glad i've found as many resources as i have out here...

but not as happy as i am that i haven't had spinach in about 6 mos!!!...for awhile there i was getting it all the time...bleh.

speaking of food, well dieting and exercise and other bodily tortures, i was reading this magazine that i get *solely* because it was 9 dollars a year and i am addicted to magazines...it has *some* good women's health information here and there but mainly it just has teeny tiny women talking about their weight loss and how hard they have to work at it...

blow. me.

i understand we are all runners in the same race (or sitters on the same couch) as women...it's hard to accept our bodies as we are...man i remember being early 20's with not an ounce of fat on me with cute figure flattering clothes being in clubs and SUCKING IN MY STOMACH!...good god i'd like to smack that girl!!!

BUT the whole whining about how hard you work to stay thin and healthy all the while having the benefit of personal trainers, private chefs, NOT TO MENTION photoshop and airbrushing well then...it's just wrong...

i still read the magazine, though...because apparently along with not being as thin and cute as i was when i was younger, i'm also apathetic and largely indifferent to the things that bug me...

so i'm reading it and there's some woman documenting what she eats in a typical day so they can analyze where she *goes wrong*...

well, i'm no expert but i can tell you right now that skipping breakfast and stopping for a grande caramel latte with whip every morning ain't doin' you no favors, laurie k. from denver, co....

so they go through the day and the nutrition expert *weighs in* (ha ha that's mine!) and says blah blah blah and then

"if you cut out the roll at lunch it's a savings of 200 calories a day!"

one roll?...200 calories?

wow. kinda puts the bottle of wine at dinner into perspective, doesn't it?

but on a *lighter note* (ha ha again, mine!) it's a good thing i don't even care for rolls!

indeed.

well, i'd love to sit here and talk about my accomplished drinking abilities but i've got a latin lesson to give and a wingman to distract from running by said latin lesson dressed in his roman gladiator suit yelling "attack! attack!"

oh, and i also have a date with the treadmill...

that is unless i can find something to distract me from my workout...

we can only hope.

x.

dinner tonight

tacos

the boybarians are thrilled!...one of their favorites for sure...spicy ground beef, crispy, salty, corn tortillas fresh from the frying pan, chopped cilantro and tomatoes, shredded cheese, sliced avocado, diced red onion, fresh salsa, tapatio hot sauce...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

i really gotta get up earlier in the morning...

but as you can see by my absence that just isn't happening...

sigh...

anyhow, i have a rare few quiet task free moments so i thought i'd check in...

oh, and

happy autumnal equinox!!!

i was going to make pumpkin doughnuts in honor this first day of autumn (and the 2nd birthday of my lovely neice, the flea...but i didn't get *actual* permission to wish her a happy birthday blog style to i'm just slipping this in) this morning but i had to take wingman to the dentist...i'm going to make them later or tomorrow morning...

and this weekend we need to take a walk to gather stuff for our nature table...

i love fall...

so the duke of fun has become quite the fan of this particular band...they are whiny and annoying and trite but he's 9 so whatevs...

anyhow, he wanted me to look them up on the web so he could check them out...so we're on the site and we see that you can watch some videos of theirs...

now, we aren't the MTV generation around here...i mean sure, like in 1985 i totally rocked the MTV, but now i'm old and so is the lord of the ring and the boybarians are young so we have no relationship with the watching of videos...

i do know enough to know that a LOT has evolved (and i use that word lightly) in the world of videos...and that nowadays what you get on MTV is what you used to get on cinemax late night...

needless to say, i was a bit worried...so i say to the duke

"we can watch this, but if anything inappropriate comes on i want you to turn your head...okay?"

"okay"

so we click it on and are watching it and there comes a part wherein the band is in a car on the vegas strip...they are all singing and hanging out the windows of the car and climbing around and just being drunk and silly...

all of a sudden the duke shouts

"OH. NO. THEY AREN'T WEARING THEIR SEATBELTS!! TURN YOUR HEAD! TURN YOUR HEAD!"

can i tell you.

and so the parental mocking commences...i wondered how long it would take...

the worst part is he has the whiny song all stuck in his head and i have to live with him bopping about and singing it...

wingman isn't much better...today i was on the computer on one of the gossipy sites and there was a picture of mariah carey performing...well, for some reason she feels the need to wear a bra like top and boy shorts with a robe like thing while doing so...lordy...there are just some things that should be left to the imagination...

anyhow, i didn't know wingman was behind me until i heard him running away shouting

"duke! duke! mama was looking at girls in their underwear on the computer!!"

fantastic.

that's just great because then it was time to take him to school...i can only imagine...and it's probably "share day" too...

so after that bit of fun i was talking to my little sister on the phone and she was reminding me about a picture my grandmother had in a frame in her living room...

see my aunt had given her a frame for her birthday...and it had a fake picture in it that you're *supposed* to remove and replace with one of your own...

only my grandmother kept the fake one in there...when asked about it months later she said that since there aren't any good pictures of me and since the woman in the photo looked like me, she was just keeping it and thinking of it as me...

okay, so there are so many levels of wrongness to this whole thing it's going to be hard to know where to begin...

first of all, yeah, so i take a bad picture...but she was my grandmother!...she's supposed to not care...and second, hello!, the woman in the picture was 40 if she was a day!...

i was maybe 15...shit, i actually can't remember how old i was because i didn't even remember the incident until my sister walked me through it...gee...i wonder why it is i can't remember things...

this along with the relationship i have with my boybarians just further highlights how it is i have come to my current mental state...

no wonder i don't get up earlier than i do...

x.

dinner tonight

spicy red beans with coconut rice
salad

last week was the week of beef. it's what's for dinner. so i've been doing more beans and grains dishes this week...though the recipe says spicy, judging from the ingredients i don't think it will be too spicy for wingman...coconut rice is a favorite...of course it won't be cooked well because i'm cooking it, but with the coconut milk in the dish it doesn't seem to matter...

and in another matter all together, what to do with beets...sure they're good for you...but who really likes them?...good lord ever since that unfortunate canned beet incident in the second grade i really haven't had a moment's peace that included beets...ever...but then came the day that wingman was allowed to pull as many as he likes from the neighbor's garden...

oy vey...turns out he really likes pulling beets...

BUT!...beet risotto...oh. my. god...it's so delicious, and you can't even TASTE THE BEETS!...the recipe is actually beet and greens risotto from vegetarian cooking for everyone by deborah madison...so not only are there beets, there's also about a pound of greens...very healthy...very tasty...

even if you are not a vegetarian you should have this cookbook...it's amazing and the recipes are always delicious...

Friday, September 08, 2006

reason #34592 why i shouldn't leave the house...

it's been a long week of school...just now i feel as though i have a chance to sit down and say hello...

though it's probably because i'm supposed to be cleaning the house roasting a chicken preparing fettucine alfredo cucumber salad green beans a green salad garlic bread and a homemade italian plum tart...but first i have to pick the plums...

all by 4 pm today (the duke invited the granparental unit for dinner)

instead i am here...writing to you...finally...so, in a way, avoidance is a great motivator...

so we went to the store this morning...and of course i slept in and rolled out of bed and did little other than put on different clothes than the ones i slept in and said "oh heck this once i'll just head out...i never run into anyone i know anyway"

see, you shouldn't even *think* things like that...because then it's a given you will run into everyone you know AND their freakin' dressed to the nines reality show ready sister...

first i run into the only actual friend i have out here...which wasn't bad at all...we chatted...and our chat was just long enough for the lord of the ring to be unsupervised at the olive bar...

good lord that man and his fussy little plastic containers of olives, tapenade, peppers, whatnot...it's like crack for the foodie those olive bars...though i'm sure crack is considerably cheaper...

and it wasn't just the olives...because the olives are next to the breads...we needed a good loaf for our dinner tonight, but of course we can't just have one loaf because that will be eaten at dinner and then what will we make croutons out of later?...

indeed.

i am soooooooo thankful they moved the cheeses to the other side of that section of the store or i'd have to hock a boybarian just to get out of there!

though i must dislose the fact that the wine aisle is right next to the olive bar so i am not entirely inculpable (it's a word...i looked it up) in that respect...

of course then i proceed to run into two mothers from wingman's school...i don't have a clue who any of the parents are or what they look like because there aren't any social functions or gathering spots at pickup or drop off or anything like that...

can i just say THANK GOD!

sure, he's invited to all the birthday parties where the other parents are but i don't go...that's what i have the lord of the ring for...

anyhow, so the only way i knew the first one was a parent from wingman's school is there was a cart full of giggling girls calling his name...then she says

"oh we saw wingman, hi wingman...hi, i'm so and so's mom...so and so and so and so's friend here are in his class at school"

"oh. hi. my aren't you thin and pretty and dressed really nicely for having a baby on your hip and two kids in your cart one of which isn't even yours...is that perfume i smell?"

okay, so i didn't say that but boy if life was like the comics and you had that bubble over your head...

anyhow, so wingman gets that affected look on his face like, yeah, what ladies?...what's all the fuss?

he's not what one might call *charming* at times...especially when there's being a fuss made over him...

good thing women are always chucking dignity and whatever else for the gruff rude types...he shouldn't have any trouble at all...

so then we get our lunch and head upstairs to eat it before wingman has to go to school (12:30-3:00)

we're eating lunch and i'm saying to wingman

"i remember so and so's name but what's the other girl's name that was with her?"

he tells me her name and we are chatting and all of a sudden i kid. you. not. there's another thin, pretty, well dressed woman AGAIN WITH A BABY ON HER HIP chatting me up...she comes to our table and is like

"hi, i couldn't help but overhear (sure you could lady because you're obviously nosy...it's a human trait you should just accept it and move on) but i'm so and so's friends mom...hi wingman!"

"oh. hi. oh, we just saw your daughter downstairs with so and so and her mom"

oh. you saw my daughter?...here?...just now?...she's on a playdate with so and so"

"yeah, here...i just saw them downstairs"

some playdate..i know! why don't you send your daughter to come on over to play and i'll throw her into the minivan with all my other kids and we'll go to the store and then i'll 5 point harness her into a huge uncomfortable cart while i shop for a million hours...FUN!

and that mom looked like it was definitely news to her that her child wasn't at so and so's house...

what i would do if i actually had a life i do not know.

x.

dinner tonight

roasted chicken
fettucine alfredo
green beans
cucumber salad
green salad
bread
plum tart with vanilla ice cream

i am stuffing the chicken with garlic and lemons and basting the outside with butter...the fettucine alfredo and cucumber salad were the duke's request...both are so easy and good...especially the fettucine alfredo which has to be a recipe from the gods...pasta, cream, butter, cheese, i mean really?...the green salad and bread will round it out...

the plum tart is made with italian plums which are ripe just this week...we picked some earlier in the week and i made up a batch of liqueur to steep for the next few months...i've never made an actual tart in an actual tart pan, so we'll see how it goes...the plums are halved and then arranged prettily on top...

p.s. i have three words...

lime. chipotle. butter.

good lord i made this to accompany red snapper earlier this week and i just about fainted from the deliciousness of it all...

p.p.s yes, i have noticed i'm getting all paula deen on you with the amount of butter i am employing in my cooking...but i assure you, it's not all that much and i promise to round it out with some barley or something...

there's barley in beer, right?