Wednesday, June 28, 2006

a little light summer reading...

i just finished tracy kidder's mountains beyond mountains...an incredible book about paul farmer, a doctor who is an infectious disease expert and his remarkable and amazing work in haiti, peru, and russia among other places...

it is an excellent book and i highly encourage you all to read it...then go to the partners in health website and give generously...

now i am reading a book about the genocide in rwanda...ugg...humans are capable of such abhorrent behavior it's a wonder any of us survive as well as we do...or at all...

after that i've got climbing parnassus...a book that makes the case for returning to the classics in education...especially so to the teaching of greek and latin...after studying latin for the last two years now, i've recently decided to to center our whole curriculum around it...

implementing this latin-centered curriculum before the fall will take some effort on my part and has become my summer project...and since i've never studied latin myself, i do believe i've got my work cut out for me...

my only problem with this book is i saw the picture of the author on the back flap and it's really creepy in that *ooohh look at me, aren't i a catch...i am not only really blonde and tan and smarmy, but smart and thoughtful looking too!...let me whisper greek nothings into your ear*...it's unfortunate, but based on his image, it might be hard to take him seriously...

hey, just because i'm trying to better educate my children and expand their minds and broaden their horizons doesn't mean i want to come out of the shallow end of the pool anytime soon myself...i like it here...people know me here...

in other news, the boybarians are burning their brains out on jimmy neutron this morning before we head out to piano...then it's a trip to procure the last of the items needed for the duke's trip to camp, and then probably popsicles and the sprinkler...and then some sort of barbecued meat later...

ahh, summer is finally here...

x.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

weekend update.

alright alright i'm back and i've got all the gory details...

actually, it was quite lovely.

there, are y'all happy!...hurumph...

you know me, gotta make it all horrible beforehand so it at least has the smallest chance of being bearable...that's just how i roll...

now, for a re-cap...

the deal is the summer camp that the lord of the ring attended for 9 years was having its 100th year anniversary...so, this particular weekend of family camp was the reunion weekend...

so of course we had to go...

turns out we shared a cabin with a dear old friend of his...it actually worked out very well...dug the wife and their kids...and the boybarians and their kids got on as if they've known each other all their lives...

our cabin (those three sided wooden jobbys with no lights and a buncha bunks) was literally on the beach...in the san juan islands...it was simply gorgeous...

there were cool activities and a lot of them and the food was good...at mealtime we shared a table with the family we shared the cabin with so it cut down TREMENDOUSLY on my need to engage in polite small talk while stuffing my face...a plus in any situation...especially so during enforced sobriety whist in the midst of psychologically trying circumstances...

some highlights included the boybarians and the lord of the ring going on "the big swing"...basically a harness and cables wherein you are pulled 50ft into the air between the trees then you release from the hold cable and drop into a swinging arc...can i tell you?...wingman, all of five, went up TWICE harnessed to the lord of the ring, and the duke went up a bunch of times...the last time finally asking to go all the way up to the top before releasing...

i kayaked in the san juan islands which is just about the best...i've never been kayaking before and it was really cool...among other things, there was also a boat trip to an island and fireworks off the beach on saturday night...

the boybarians were in heaven...

obviously, i survived and as i mentioned above, even *gasp* enjoyed it...i'd be a total curmudgeon not to have....good to know i haven't made it quite that far down the ladder of life just yet...BUT i could have done without all the singing...before breakfast, before lunch, before and after dinner...oh my good god it was the only time i regretted not having smuggled the flask...

all in all it was great and i would do it again...really, i would...probably in a few years...maybe...it's gonna take me awhile to get all that good natured clap along cheeriness out of my system enough to *appreciate* it fully again...

the duke has been waiting to be old enough to go to this summer camp for a few years now and his time has finally come...we drop him off at the bus next monday at 7 am and he's got a whole week in paradise...

he's beyond excited and i'm totally thrilled he gets the opportunity...summer camp was designed for a kid like him...and really, there's nowhere else we would want him to go...

he's so cute...he was going around from activity to activity just being the duke and getting to know the staff...he'd tell them all he's gonna be back in a week and all that kinda stuff...he'd say hi and call them by name if he saw them around...they'd say hi back and a few would remember his name...

a real people person, that one...i'm exhausted just thinking about it...

anyhow, at some point he says to me all proudly and somewhat smugly

"it seems like a lot of people already know me...like they already know my name"

"um, honey, look down"

and there on his chest was the name tag he wore all weekend and forgot about...

but, at least they know him...

in other somewhat but not really related news...well, i think i've mentioned before how the duke occasionally wets the bed...it turns out that he has decided that overnight protection would be a good idea at camp and i bought a pack of goodnights...(dear duke, when you finally read this years from now please accept my apology and i promise not to share this information with anyone you plan to sleep with...well, i'll try not to anyway...love, your mother...p.s. before you say anything and get all irate and pissy ((pardon the pun)), just remember how long i was in labor with you and all the wonderful things i have done for you such as baking each one of your birthday cakes from scratch...THEME cakes i might add...INCLUDING that one i made that was actually the yellow submarine complete with john, paul, george, and ringo?...okay, love you sweetie!)

anyhow, so we thought trying them out this weekend at camp would be a good idea...since the boybarians were sharing luggage, and we're keeping the whole thing on the downlow, i put the goodnights (they resemble pull ups, but more like underwear) in my own bag...

all goes well, we get home, and sunday night at bedtime he gets one from the bag in the bathroom...he goes up to get ready for bed while wingman brushes his teeth...then they switch...wingman goes up to get ready and quickly comes back down...

"hey, duke, why is there a diaper on my bed!"

and he's holding up the offending item like it was used and making a face...the duke was in the bathroom and didn't hear him...so i quickly snatched it out of his hand and said

"ooohhhh, that must be your cousin's...they must have left it here"

"noooooo, because i saw we have a whole bag in the bathroom"

no flies on him...

so i just ignored his questions and quickly changed the subject and distracted him with picking books and tucking him in...

i told the duke what had happened and the duke said he didn't care if wingman knew...but in the end decided not to tell him they were his in case wingman brought it up to other people he didn't want to know...the matter was dropped all around...

soooooo, to make a long and uninteresting story only slightly less boring, the next day wingman wanted his shoes...so i told him to look in his and the duke's bag from camp because it hadn't been unpacked yet...the thing is, my bag and their bag are identical...so, of course he mistook the two and looked in my bag...

he's looking in my bag and just as i say

"no, that's my bag"

he pulls out the remaining pair of goodnights...out of my bag...

he's holding them up, pulling at them a bit, he's not stupid and he knows roughly what they are for...then he looks me...see where i'm going with this?...do i even need to say it?...

the kid looks at the goodnights, remembers my hurry to drop the matter that they aren't the duke's blah blah blah and has just retrieved them from my bag...

he just gives me a really weird look, drops them and mutters something as he leaves the room...

yup...my child thinks i wear diapers...

nope...i did not tell him the truth...

at least if he blabs to anyone about it they won't believe him and i can just laugh it off in that oh aren't kids funny kinda way...which sucks because a child shouldn't be dismissed in such a way...well, unless he's trying to tell everyone i wear diapers...

which i don't. okay.

this way the duke is protected (even though all of you know...good lord it's a house of cards...) and i've got a story to share...

and apparently, so does wingman...

x.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

my dirty little secret...

okay, so i've been keeping something from y'all because i just don't know how to break it to you...

but the time has come so here goes...

it's not important how it came to be, but just that it is...

i am going to ymca family camp this weekend.

camp.

as in cabins, and hikes, and activities, and meals, and campfires, and lanyards...

camp.

only i'm not 17 and a counselor like last time (which if you haven't been 17 and a counselor at camp ever in your life i'd have to say you are missing out)...this is family camp...as in you and your family go to camp and do all the things campers do only you're old and flabby and cantankerous and bitchy and you do it all together and there are other families there doing it all together too...as in you and your family, and this is the *BEST* part, you and your family

SHARE A CABIN WITH ANOTHER FAMILY.

oh. my. god.

i am not twelve...i'm like a hundred and thirty seven!!...with back issues and insomnia!!...there are many an evening i barely like to sleep around my own family let alone a family of strangers!!

good lord, can you imagine?...because, unfortunately, i can...

and quite frankly, it's not pretty...

who thinks up this kinda stuff and then furthermore thinks it's a good idea?!...it's like my worst nightmare!...only it's three days and two nights long...it's like it was put on this god forsaken earth just to piss me off and force me to *face* that that i loathe as some sort of personal challenge that needs overcoming...sounds a LOT like my first husband and we all know how THAT turned out! (well maybe *we* don't, but i got divorced so you get the point...but, i digress)...

it's practically an intervention and i'm the schmuck in the middle of the room on the folding chair...

i told my sister...

she said "you can't do that"

as in i am unable...

i told my mom

she said "you can't do that"

as in i am unable...

i told my best friend...

she said "uh, what?"

then they all went on with phrases like "comfort zone" "don't even like people" "group hugs" and there was a lot of loud general guffawing at my expense...

when we first got the info packet i was looking at the map of the camp and i looked at the lord of the ring and said

"um, yeah, i don't see the cocktail lounge listed on the map"

then he laughed and looked at me with the oh isn't she funny and charming look he's been giving me since we met because he's either completely nuts or he's heavily medicated...

yeah, ha. ha.

so then i decided on my own, but oddly enough backed up by the advice of my sister my mother and my best friend, to pack a flask...

who needs friends when you have family who are so willing to not only enable but encourage!!

sure it seems tacky and escapist and suggests a lot about the true nature and actual depth of my character flaws, but um, group singalongs at the campfire?...

enough said...

then i'm reading the packet and it says what to bring what not to blah blah blah

HELP MAKE CAMP DRUG AND ALCOHOL FREE.

good. lord. who *are* these people???!!!!!

this just keeps getting better and better...

so tomorrow we're off...

and really, despite the snark and the horror of what i am about to embark upon, i am looking forward to it *because* it is *family* camp...

i love my family, i love the outdoors, i loved camp (as a 17 year old!, but whatever)...and it just so happens it's in one of the most beautiful places literally on earth...

i resign myself to the fact that i will love it no matter what...

BUT.

but, the first person who tries to goad me into a skit gets it in the lanyard...

x.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

happy summer solstice!!

well, in theory anyway...

the first day of summer and it's still gloomy out here in the pacific northwest...

it could be worse, i know...but i reserve the right to whine about the mundane...we've all got to exercise our gifts...

speaking of which, the following conversation took place between the duke and i this morning...

me, at the sink...him, at the table under the pretense of doing his latin work, but really practicing the art of talking non-stop about whatever at a *really* annoying and not found in nature pitch and then expecting you to not only pay attention but to also respond...

me: "are you trying to get my goat?"

the duke: "i try to make it a priority"

indeed.

then when he was done with his work he started to work on a book he has chosen to call dimwitted tales...

good lord i do hope he's not writing his tell all about me yet...i thought i'd have more time!!

well, we've got piano and errands and chores and the like so i'm off to enjoy SUMMER!!!

good thing i never packed away my fleece...

x.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

when a plan backfires...

the whole reason i co-slept with and extended nursed the boybarians was to create an unshakable core of inner happiness to facilitate and insure independence and autonomy...

yeah, not so much...at least not at night...i can't keep wingman out of our bed after about 11 each night and the duke wants to come in about 3 every morning to *snuggle*...

wingman likes to sleep on my head whereas the duke likes to attach himself to my side...not unlike a limpet...

as you can imagine, this is a sucky way to spend one's sleeping hours...and please understand i use the term *sleep* very loosely...yawn..

and this morning when i broached the subject with wingman about needing to stay in his own bed at night he just said

"fine...for now...but i am sleeping with you when i'm big!"

so it's true...you can trace an adult's deviant tendencies right back to the mother...

x.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

blimey!

so i've been reading don quixote...oh for the last frickin' month or so...

sod it, this is a HUGE book!

see, i had no idea because i have been laboring under the illusion all these years that i had already read it...ha ha ha, yeah not so much...

so when i realized i hadn't already read it i got all sweaty and anxious and went to the library straight away!! (sorry, i've read three books in a row set in the u.k....all jammy dodgers and fags and the like)...

um, yeah, it's 940 pages!!...blimey!!

so i'm a good bit into it and i LOVE it...it's funny and tragic and everything i thought it was when i thought i had already read it...

BUT i simply can't finish it...at least not in one sitting...it's gonna have to be a bits and pieces kinda thing...

which kinda bums me out...without acting all clever clogs i mean i am an avid and voracious reader and it is one of the classics...and yet the decision to not finish it in one sitting makes me doubt my intelligence...

i'm no rocket scientist, but i think i'm a fairly intelligent bird...i mean i do the crossword in pen for bloody sakes!!...sure, sure, it's the people magazine crossword but that lot can be HARD!

(note to self, knock off the brit lit for awhile)

seriously, it's not about content but about length...that cervantes had some serious time on his hands...

but, i encourage any of you who haven't read it to do so...it's worth it even if you only read a bit...

and if anyone can adequately explain to me what exactly a *jammy dodger* is i'd be perfectly sorted and bob's your uncle!

x.

Monday, June 12, 2006

beach bitch...

so we went to the beach yesterday to enjoy a brief visit from the sun...

you know, it really only takes a few hours, hell minutes, in the company of joe public to really wonder about the state of humanity...

first we get all settled while we witness a pack of ravens picking apart the lunch of some yahoo who just spread their stuff all over the sand and took a walk...that was pleasant...

but wait, what's that?...oh good, i thought i was enjoying a bit too much of the beautiful puget sound air and just in the nick of time we get a pack of chain smokers to take the edge off...whew...

and right on cue arrives the loud family with mrs. loud providing the soundtrack the other family members jam to...screaming and hollering at the whole family at the top of her lungs like she's in her own back yard...whew, i thought it was way too quiet...

then of course you get the pack of kids herded by a random couple of adults screaming as the pack runs to the water because you know, we're at the BEACH!!

"HEY!! HEY!!! DON'T GET WET!!! I MEAN IT, GUYS!! STAY AWAY FROM THE WATER!!"

and of course to top it all off here come the two huge dogs off leash bounding down to the water in and out of all the kids while the owner is god knows where...

i realize of course that i am a bitch...but good lord...this is one of the most beautiful spots on earth...the puget sound ringed with mountains...it's a gorgeous day...and i'm sharing all this natural beauty and wonder with the studio audience of the jerry springer show...

we might as well have been at the grotty reservoir we used to go to when i was a kid...god what a cess pool that was...

oh, and don't even get me started on the kid next to us...her voice could have aged copper in a day...

the boybarians, however, had the time of their life...they dug holes and played in the water and rolled in the sand and made sand castles...

of course i don't say a word about the people around us to them...they get to be children and see the world the way they choose to see it...i choose not to plague them with my obviously deranged and skewed view of the world and keep my observations to myself...

i hope they learn to see the world more through the optimistic and more cheerful eyes of their father...in other words, i sincerely hope they don't inherit my jaundiced eye and pervasive bitchiness...that would be unfortunate...

besides, i don't think i could take the competition...

x.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

all good things must come to an end...

what!!

you're telling me this is the LAST morning i get to get up at the crack of dawn to stand in the chilly gloom that passes for early summer in the pacific northwest with a buncha yahoos to watch the exercise in futility that is t-ball all the while hoping the bitchy coach's wife just says one. more. thing. to cross the line so i can take her down just for an outlet and hope like hell all the while the duke won't beg me *once* for the gourmet delight that is known as the *pancake dog* from the concession stand?

what?!? really, i don't get to do this again this season?

wow, you really don't know what you've got until it's gone...

i'll need a moment...

x.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

el duque...

the other day the duke says to me

"hey mama, maybe my nickname should be el duque (du-kay)...like orlando hernandez (baseball player)"

"oh, really"

"yeah, it means the duke"

indeed.

he doesn't read the blog but apparently he lives inside my head...such a charming trait...

anyhow, recently i've made a horrific discovery about the duke...

it seems, and i don't know how to break this to you all, but it seems that the duke DETESTS writing!...i know, i know, i haven't quite recovered from the initial shock of it all myself...

this year we added writing to the curriculum and after a year he finally breaks it to me...well, he didn't so much as *break* it too me as shout out in complete and utter frustration

"I CANNOT STAND WRITING!! IT IS MY LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT!! I NEVER WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!!"

wow, such strong language from such a young boy...

sigh...

anyhow, too bad for him i've already ordered the next writing program...just wait till he has to do it in latin...heh heh heh...

of course i understand children cannot possibly enjoy all of the things that their parents do...(wince...i don't even want to think about that)...it's just that i love writing so much...i know, you wouldn't know it by my little absence from here as of late, but i do...the whole bit...

and the duke, obviously not so much...

it's funny because i saw that he didn't care for the actual composition part each time he worked on a specific assignment, but i just thought it was the time involved...poor kid...i SO know how it feels trying to come up with something creative and then get it to paper...

in other news, life is good here at the big red house...some days it seems like life will go on exactly as it has forever, other days it seems like it could all change in an instant...

but always, the bickering between the boybarians is the thread that keeps it all together...

i suppose there is something to be said for consistency...

x.