Thursday, June 22, 2006

my dirty little secret...

okay, so i've been keeping something from y'all because i just don't know how to break it to you...

but the time has come so here goes...

it's not important how it came to be, but just that it is...

i am going to ymca family camp this weekend.

camp.

as in cabins, and hikes, and activities, and meals, and campfires, and lanyards...

camp.

only i'm not 17 and a counselor like last time (which if you haven't been 17 and a counselor at camp ever in your life i'd have to say you are missing out)...this is family camp...as in you and your family go to camp and do all the things campers do only you're old and flabby and cantankerous and bitchy and you do it all together and there are other families there doing it all together too...as in you and your family, and this is the *BEST* part, you and your family

SHARE A CABIN WITH ANOTHER FAMILY.

oh. my. god.

i am not twelve...i'm like a hundred and thirty seven!!...with back issues and insomnia!!...there are many an evening i barely like to sleep around my own family let alone a family of strangers!!

good lord, can you imagine?...because, unfortunately, i can...

and quite frankly, it's not pretty...

who thinks up this kinda stuff and then furthermore thinks it's a good idea?!...it's like my worst nightmare!...only it's three days and two nights long...it's like it was put on this god forsaken earth just to piss me off and force me to *face* that that i loathe as some sort of personal challenge that needs overcoming...sounds a LOT like my first husband and we all know how THAT turned out! (well maybe *we* don't, but i got divorced so you get the point...but, i digress)...

it's practically an intervention and i'm the schmuck in the middle of the room on the folding chair...

i told my sister...

she said "you can't do that"

as in i am unable...

i told my mom

she said "you can't do that"

as in i am unable...

i told my best friend...

she said "uh, what?"

then they all went on with phrases like "comfort zone" "don't even like people" "group hugs" and there was a lot of loud general guffawing at my expense...

when we first got the info packet i was looking at the map of the camp and i looked at the lord of the ring and said

"um, yeah, i don't see the cocktail lounge listed on the map"

then he laughed and looked at me with the oh isn't she funny and charming look he's been giving me since we met because he's either completely nuts or he's heavily medicated...

yeah, ha. ha.

so then i decided on my own, but oddly enough backed up by the advice of my sister my mother and my best friend, to pack a flask...

who needs friends when you have family who are so willing to not only enable but encourage!!

sure it seems tacky and escapist and suggests a lot about the true nature and actual depth of my character flaws, but um, group singalongs at the campfire?...

enough said...

then i'm reading the packet and it says what to bring what not to blah blah blah

HELP MAKE CAMP DRUG AND ALCOHOL FREE.

good. lord. who *are* these people???!!!!!

this just keeps getting better and better...

so tomorrow we're off...

and really, despite the snark and the horror of what i am about to embark upon, i am looking forward to it *because* it is *family* camp...

i love my family, i love the outdoors, i loved camp (as a 17 year old!, but whatever)...and it just so happens it's in one of the most beautiful places literally on earth...

i resign myself to the fact that i will love it no matter what...

BUT.

but, the first person who tries to goad me into a skit gets it in the lanyard...

x.

1 comment:

laura in iowa said...

too funny silly. i hope you all have a very good, sober time! ;)