Dear Sliced Meat Counter Boy,
Things were going along so nicely, why'd you have to ruin it? We were having such a nice chat while you helped the woman ahead of me and I waited. At first I thought you were just being polite, but something in the way you smiled at me got me thinking, "Ho, there, this young fella's flirting with me!"
There you are, chatting me up, and all the while I'm thinking well now, I guess I'm an Interesting Older Woman. I've always wanted to be one of those. What gave me away? Was it my hip and witty repartee, or my slightly disheveled look? A look that says I am world weary, yet intriguing, and what I have seen would rock your world. (really I just didn't shower after working out, but you didn't know that)
And while your lips are moving, yammering on about something or other like you young people do, I'm thinking that if I dropped fifty pounds and found a wind machine this could be "Risky Business" right here in the middle of the grocery store. (you're probably too young to know that movie, but it was Tom Cruise before Nicole and new teeth) I was just feeling the wind in my hair when you said
"Hey, I like those glasses. I wish my mom would get a pair. Oh, here's your turkey, ma'am."
WHAT!?! Back the truck up! Let's just examine what you just said, shall we? Oh, but where to start AS THE WHOLE THING IS JUST WRONG! "my mom?" MY MOM!?! As in "you and my mom are in the same AGE GROUP AND THEREFORE I DON'T THINK OF YOU AS AN INTERESTING OLDER WOMAN BUT RATHER I THINK OF YOU AS JUST OLD", my mom?! Listen young buck, unless your mom had you when she was oh I don't know TWELVE!, then I am pretty certain we are not in the same age group. And as if that wasn't bad enough, you pretty much nailed the coffin shut with the "ma'am."
Well, it's your loss, junior. I'm sticking with the fish counter from now on. Sure the guys there are older than me, but I don't see that as a problem, (you probably think they're goners any day now) and I'm fairly certain that one of them is legally blind, BUT they know how to treat a lady!
An Interesting Older Woman Who Is NOT Old Enough To Be Your Mom
(who once attended a halloween party wearing nothing but tights and body paint, so there!)