waking up on the wrong side of the wrong bed (the neck death bed also known as wingman's bed) on a monday with my birthday looming in the very near future, i have found i am more set in my ways than i had previously thought...or just grumpy...
top ten list of pet peeves by the ever aging and somewhat grumpy this morning sillymortalmama...
10. balloon bouquets for adults...now, i understand the sentiment...but unless you are under the age of sixteen, a balloon bouquet is just weird..."um thanks...they're great...and probably well worth risking your life driving over here with them in your car blocking every conceivable window and impeding your vision...thanks!"...
9. dirty butter dishes...i think a butter dish is pretty much good for one stick of butter...after that's gone, it's just plain wrong to introduce another stick on top of the remains of the first stick...like moving into an apartment right after four smoking bachelors who did not receive their cleaning deposit back have just moved out...it is for this reason i own two butter dishes...butter to be safe than sorry...
8. change...okay, so i can abide by change as a constant, and at times even revel in it...BUT, they have just changed the way i can produce this blog with options i don't understand and commands that do me no good and inhibit my natural writing flow...bastards...
7. when adults who are talking to other adults use the word "yummy" or "yum!" or the especially horrible "nummy"...when speaking it's not *so* bad i guess, but written?...*shudder*...especially when referring to another human being...but i do call my husband *papa* sometimes, so who the hell am i to talk?...sigh, it's tough work being such an accomplished hypocrite...
6. when someone takes a sip of beer, then looks at the bottle and makes a big smacky sigh and says "ahh, that's good stuff"...okay, yeah, it's beer...no need to get all googly eyed and dramatic...
5. when people take their dogs to a public place where there are a lot of children, let them off the leash to run towards and jump on and lick on the kids to their canine heart's content, then laugh and say "oh, he just wants to play", and doesn't call the dog back or otherwise contain the dog in any way while your child stands there terrified, screaming, and frozen to the spot while being "played" with by the dog...yeah, how bout i bring my baby over to your house, off diaper, and when he poops and pees all over i'll just laugh and say "how cute, look he likes you!"...
4. cat pee...(by the way, we are once again FINALLY sleeping in our own bed!...which as you can tell by the introduction is in theory only)
3. when america is already so freakin' unhealthy and overweight, you still get offered candy nearly every office you go into, and costco muffins, costco cookies, costco donuts, and sodas are office meeting staples?...what's worse are preschool snacks and public school lunches!...you know things are bad when mcdonald's introduces a *healthy* menu...
2. that bumper sticker that says "got depression?...cheer up!"...yeah, okay...maybe ignorance really is bliss...
1. how our culture does not support children being children...little boys clothes come mostly in camouflage and aggressive screen prints, and the boys themselves are pin point heavily marketed to by the violent video game makers and blockbuster movies based on childhood superheros but clearly with adult content...and little girls clothes come in either low rise or hi cut, or both, with words on the butt and "flirt" or "little miss attitude" on the chest...well, there just doesn't seem to be a shred of a chance of actually going through those, apparently to our culture, pesky little motions of growing up...
x.
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