Wednesday, April 08, 2009

your moment(s) of zen.

lately i've really been thinking about the fragility of life.

i don't think this in response to any one thing, i'm sure this feeling comes from a million places internally and many recent events externally. following the news certainly hasn't helped.

every single day there's something that just astounds me in its tragic sadness. the actions of mother nature, collective stupidity, people with nothing to lose who take it out on the innocent.

beyond that, i've come to realize, to fully be aware that how at any moment life can change. can just be different than it was the moment before. any minute.

because of this, i've taken more moments of my own life to appreciate things. my children, my husband, this roof over my head. of course, all of the really big important things. but, also the little things. the breeze against my cheek, the song of a bird, a blooming daffodil.

lately i've even found myself turning my face toward the sun and just stopping, standing still and letting the sun wash over me. taking a minute to be still and be aware of the beauty around me.

um, can i say that if you knew me in real life right about now you'd be like, huh? because that is simply not me at all. i don't sit and let the sun wash over me. ever. maybe if i was passed out at the beach from too many margaritas, but in the regular course of the day? not so much.

oh, i might have the intention or the want, but then a second into it my adult onset ADD kicks in and it's all over. plus, while i am fully aware of how lazy i can be, being able to relax is a whole other thing.

anyway, where was i? oh, yeah. so this idea that life is so fragile we have to just appreciate the moment. we can't let what the future may bring stymie us. we can't let what might happen affect what is happening in this very moment.

in fact, even in my new found appreciation for appreciating the moment, there are still some times i have to shoehorn it in me. i have to force myself to do it by thinking, okay, if you were lying in a hospital bed, what about your life or the life around you right now NOT lying in a hospital bed would you rather be doing if you WERE lying in a hospital bed? what would you or could you appreciate about this exact moment that you couldn't in a hospital bed?

i know that's all convoluted and maudlin and creepy, but, it works for me.

so then i'll see the cat lying on the sidewalk and i'll sit down next to him and just take a moment to pet him. appreciating the fact that his fur has soaked up the warmth from the sun. or check out and marvel at how fast the clouds are moving in the sky, even though it seems there is only a slight breeze. or really taking a full appreciation of the smell of freshly cut grass.

you know, forrest gumping my way through the day.

small meditations. it's a new thing for me and i appreciate it.

the world is big and scary and getting bigger and scarier every day. and collective humanity can be down right frightening. but, this world is also so heartbreakingly beautiful. it's unique in its ability to just keep on going. despite what we do to it and what it does to itself, it continues. and there is goodness in it.

and there are a million blessings every minute, they're there. they just aren't as loud as all the truly crappy stuff.

it can be hard to imagine that any other time wasn't as bad as this. that this is the worst bad time for us. but, it's just relative. my own life and its circumstances are just relative. it's just what it is. and i don't take it personally anymore.

and in that, i can move forward. i am not stymied. i am open, and i am optimistic. and that, that my friends is a pretty beautiful thing because it most certainly hasn't always been that way.

so, it is in that spirit that i bring you the following commercial.

wha wha what?!? commercial. yes, it's an advertisement made expressly to play on our emotions and help us to part with our money and be happy to do so.

but that fact doesn't make it any less beautiful, true, or worth watching. enjoy.


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