why there really is no crying in baseball.

so, in the movie a league of their own, tom hanks (as the baseball team's manager) spits out the classic line

"THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!"

indeed.

the lord of the ring and i have been know to utter this line a time or two...usually, to diffuse potentially precarious situations involving dramatic boybarians...generally non-baseball related...a bit of levity when needed...

in fact, the sentiment is so clear, so pure, so true, it really is an all purpose catch phrase...

kinda like, oh. my. god., are you kidding me?, or the all time favorite shitfuckfire!

anyway, as the duke's baseball season just ended, i feel it is only appropriate to further explore and explain exactly why there really *is* no crying in baseball...

beware all of you free to be you and me disciples...what lies ahead challenges the "it's all right to cry" mentality...FINALLY! I WILL OVERCOME MARLO THOMAS! as rosey grier is my witness I WILL!

where was i?...oh yeah...

when you join up for baseball it with the understanding that you will be playing on a team...team implying that it is a group made up of individuals, but a group nonetheless...

you know, "there's no i in team" and all that?

see, the duke's team this year did *okay*...their real problem was in that they didn't practice enough...as in hardly at all...had they had regular practices they could have been unstoppable...

unstoppable because they had a team made up of good players and could have had the chance to develop as a team if only they had practiced...they could have gotten a team trust thing going that only happens when you practice as a team and learn how to be a team...

it doesn't matter how good each individual player is, if you don't know how to work together, who you trust to be your backup when your go to guy isn't where he needs to be, etc. well then you get the picture...

nearly every kid on the duke's team had some good skills...some were all around good, some really good at pitching, some at running the bases, others good at hitting or fielding...but what one individual may lack in one certain area, he's got teammates that do have the skills in that area to pick up the slack...

no one person has to be good at everything...

BUT, if you don't regularly practice as a team, and are really only together in the pressure cooker of a game, well you can be 9 guys who are good players on the field, but not necessarily good as a team...

on the duke's team in particular there was a core group of about 4 guys who were each all around good...each one capable of doing most of the big things well...

and when things didn't go well, each one in turn was capable of being a diva, a complainer, an emotional mess, a drama queen, a jerk...

teary or angry messes who couldn't move past the issue and drug their team down...

if you're having a bad day, a bad game, a bad life when you are on the field there are still 8 other guys counting on you...when you let whatever it is consume you to the point of reducing you to bad attitude or uncontrolled emotional moodiness or jerkiness, or pissiness, to the point that you don't care enough to do your best then that is not good enough...ever...

if you commit to being part of something then it is incumbent upon you to do your part and keep up your end of the bargain...even at 10 years old...especially at 10 years old...because i don't think that this is too broad a concept for a 10 year old and there's no time like the present...

i understand that frustration and disappointment are inherent parts of organized sports...someone is going to win, which means someone will lose...someone is going to catch that throw to first, which means somebody will be tagged out...someone is going to pitch an excellent game, which means somebody is going to strike out...

furthermore, frustration and disappointment are valid...as are the subsequent tears and irritation...

but, it's when you let those tears blind you from your original purpose that they are not okay...and when the irritation turns to anger and outbursts (bat throwing, dirty looks, purposely not trying, yelling at teammates, giving up in favor of irritation) it is not okay either...

when you are on the field yet not present because you are too busy being sad or mad or dramatic it is not okay.

because it isn't just you...you joined a team and you are a part of something larger than yourself...and i watched too many games go belly up because one kid (or two or three or four some games) decided it was all about him and nothing else mattered...and regardless of there being 8 other guys, it does matter when 1 guy stops trying because when you've got a weak link it causes a chain reaction...and because everybody needs to do their job all. the. time.

now, i am as far away from a team joiner as you can get...i generally am not for conformity as the default for all the reasons one wouldn't be...i strive to be exactly who i am and not who everyone else is...

but, when it comes to being a committed part of a group, i think it's very important to be able to put away your individual needs and operate within the group...in some cases not only important, but necessary...

at the beginning of the season the duke was dismayed to learn that the uniform chosen for his team specifically required a belt-less baseball pant...the duke LOVED his baseball pants with the belt and couldn't understand why they wouldn't be allowed...

he thought it would be okay to wear them anyway...and i put my foot down...no, you will wear what they tell you to wear...

what is the whole definition of uniform anyway?

i explained he didn't have to be happy about it, could in fact send a letter of complaint in about it, but that he did have to comply...because that's what his team wanted...and he chose to be on a team in the first place...

it's delicate, this whole organized sports thing in our silly mortal family...because as parents the lord of the ring and i encourage asking questions, the art to and necessity of challenging authority (not *us* of course...hee hee)...we encourage free expression and diversity from the status quo...or a complete embracing of the status quo should that be what they want...but choice above all...

we draw the line at free will in our children, though.../shudder.

i keed. i keed.

as you can imagine, organized sports definitely challenges all of this...and can be quite hard to bear at times (for us anyway)...BUT, i don't think that makes it any less valuable and in fact i think it serves an important and invaluable purpose...

to learn how to be part of a group is among many other things an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of our own selves in relation to the world at large...to understand the nature of others in times of play and pressure...to explore what it means to connect, and what it can mean when there isn't a connection...

what happens when someone just gives up and leaves everyone else to step up.

i have always encouraged my boys to cry if they are hurt or sad or just need to cry...always...

but, i think in some circumstances there is a time and a place...and i think if you've got people counting on you, and all you can do is focus on your own sadness with a teary breakdown, or a pissy outburst then yeah, there is no crying in baseball...

the duke got tagged out at second two days ago...he wouldn't have if he didn't listen to his first base coach tell him to steal when there wasn't an appropriate chance...but he was taught to listen to his coach and he did...and his coach apologized for the mistake and the duke accepted it...

and he told me

"mama, when i got tagged out at second i wanted to cry"

"you were sad, huh?"

"yeah...but i didn't, and i got over it...and, i listened to my coach even though it didn't work out"

"and as sucky as that is, it's good that you listened to him even though it didn't work out...because listening to your coach is always important"

shit. i don't even particularly care for this coach and think he really didn't have a clue a great deal of the time, so as the words came out of my mouth...sigh...

but my boybarians have to learn to listen to authority before they can begin to learn to question it...it's a process...

it's a damn good thing 10 is still too young for the military.

this parenting thing...oy.

x.