so i had a pleasant morning with my truck yesterday...
i had to run to home depot to replenish painting supplies...i swear i've spent more money on blue painter's tape than i have on food this week.
so anyhow, i parked my truck and noticed a similar landcruiser was a couple of spaces away...make, model, year all the same, yet this truck looked like it had been rode hard and put away wet...
now, normally i'm not one to boast...okay, i am...and i will boast again and say the beast, comparatively, is a shining beauty...
and then when i went inside, i noticed a guy heading to the other landcruiser and he stopped and sniffed around mine...can i tell you how many times this happens?...the sniffers i don't mind, it's the chatters...they always get me when i'm NOT in the mood to stand around and talk trucks or when i'm in a hurry...
so i get my stuff and come out and he's still there! he's sitting in his truck and as i approach he's all chattin' me up...it's just like parents at a park...or dog owners at a dog park...or lonely people with limited social skills who attach unnaturally to inanimate objects that cost them buttloads of time and money and never return the level of adoration...
i must admit when he first saw me he seemed disappointed because i am a woman and therefore presumably won't be able to properly shoot the shit about what he suspects is under my hood...
but i go through my quick and dirty about my truck and after he laments about his rebuild (stopped just two cylinders shy of burly...poor chap) he's satisfied enough to drive away...
feeling all smug and filled up with pride of ownership (deep down i am so american it's scary) i head home.
then i head out later with the kids and while stopped first in the right hand turn lane in arguably the worst of congested intersections in my county the beast just dies.
pride of ownership indeed...we all know who's in charge here...
so after i flip on the hazards (well first i cussed and sighed dramatically), i call the lord of the ring and then AAA...i pop the hood and get out to open it and everyone behind me has started to shout and honk...
what the fuck!
oh, great my hazards don't work...so i'm still on the phone with AAA and some guy in a cable truck a few cars away shouts as if i'm the worlds biggest idiot when he's the one shouting at someone in distress with kids in the car
"TURN ON YOUR HAZARDS, LADY!!"
"DUH! THE TRUCK IS DEAD THEY DON'T WORK!"
"OH!"
then instead of seeing if he can help me he finds a way out of his blocked line, zips in front of another car in the moving line, drives by me, and honks and flips me off...
nice.
then the AAA lady says
"are you blocking traffic?"
"why don't you ask the people stuck behind me"
of course i apologized for being rude, she just laughed and said she understood and said the tow truck was on the way...
the duke suggested a construction cone lying by the side of the road to put behind the truck...so i did that and people got the idea...
i kid you not though, practically everyone driving by shot me dirty looks or honked or flipped me off or ignored me...
then one guy who was stopped a few cars back gets out of his truck and comes all at me gesturing rudely and accusingly
"WHAT!?!...YOU OUTTA GAS OR WHAT!"
"UNLESS YOU HAVE A GAS CAN WHAT'S IT TO YOU?!?...BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW I THINK IT'S THE BATTERY AND THE TOW TRUCK IS ON ITS WAY!
he rolls his eyes at me and huffs back to his truck...
good lord!...the only person to stop was a wafer thin woman who looked like she only ate raw food and not much of it...and it wasn't just her, the bumper stickers gave it away too...
i know i'm stereotyping, but i've known a few raw foodists and they aren't exactly the most robust and energetic of people...one lady i met spoke at a conference about the raw food movement and how great and healthy it is, and i kid you not she had to have someone carry her bag for her...
ANYWAY, so she stops and asks if i want help pushing the truck out of the way...i thanked her profusely for her offer and for being kind but declined telling her the tow truck was on the way...
now, i'm not opposed to pushing...i pushed a car uphill in traffic and into a parking lot when i was 8 months pregnant with the duke...by myself...i can push a car...
but, if you haven't guessed it already, the beast is HUGE...the bumper alone is the size of a small compact...okay, maybe not, but not only is it huge and you've got to judge the push just right or suffer the consequences, there wasn't much of anywhere to push it with all the standing traffic and no shoulder due to construction...
the only other person to stop and ask if i needed help pushing it out of the way was another small single woman all dolled up to the nines...
so truck after truck of construction workers and cable guys and car after car of all manner of people and the only people to offer help are the unlikeliest people...of course.
you know, the world is a random and very sweet place if you know where to look...
oh, and chivalry is apparently dead.
ANYWAY, my own knight in shining armor showed up and we headed to his car waiting in the adjacent parking lot and he waited for the tow truck and endured the dirty looks...
on the way home wingman worried how papa would get home...i said
"the tow truck driver will drop him off"
"does the tow truck driver know where we live?"
"honey, every tow truck driver in the county knows where we live"
x.
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