Monday, June 01, 2009

reason #58473009 and #58473010 why i shouldn't leave the house.

so you'd think i'd have learned my lesson by now. but for some reason i still keep leaving the house with the understanding that i'm just a normal person living a normal life.

i guess the rest of the world didn't ever get that memo.

so on saturday evening we were treated to pizza and beer with friends. it was a funky little joint in a funky little town right on the water. man but it was a beautiful evening and just the place to enjoy it.

i got up to use the restroom like a normal person would. with the idea that i could just go and use the restroom and return without incident.

now being a funky joint there's just the one restroom sitting at the end of a very short very small hall. needless to say, when you wait for the restroom to be free you then have to do sort of a shuffle dance around the person coming out of the door while you try to go in. there is simply nowhere else to wait because before the hall you have to squeeze past the line for the espresso butted up against the line for the pizza.

so i waited in the hall, the door opened and this little kid who couldn't have been more than four comes bursting out all noise and chaos, with his dad right behind him. the kid then put his fingers up like a gun, pointed them at me, and yelled

"pow! pow! pow! die! die! you're dead!"

and then he pulled his foot back and let it loose and kicked me right in the shin!

then his dad said in a very tired bored voice

"hey buddy, watch that foot."

then they did the shuffle around me and left.

this all happened in about 15 seconds. probably less.

all right so maybe the dad didn't see his kid kick me. though we were all right there so i don't know how he missed it, but to be fair maybe he really didn't see the contact.

but did he not hear and see the gun thing? because i have boys and i get the "exuberance," and i get the weapons fascination, but really? in a restaurant? towards a complete stranger? and there's nothing you have to say about that?

to be fair, i kinda checked the child out the rest of the time we were there to see if there were some obvious developmental issues at work. because one can never know what challenges kids are facing, and how that affects their behavior. i think this world would be a better place if we all just took some time to see what we're looking at. snap judgments don't do anybody any favors.

that being said, the kid was just a little shit and his dad was an ineffective, disengaged parent at best.

and my shin still hurts.


the next day some kind of universal shift happened, planets aligned, and hell froze over long enough for the lord of the ring and i to go for a walk together. alone. sans boybarians. i know. i'm still recovering from the shock.

so we're getting out of the car and there's a car parked directly in front of us. nose to nose but with a little barrier in between. all in all our cars were maybe 4 feet from each other.

so as i'm climbing out of the car two little kids run up to the barrier while their mother futzes with a stroller. all of a sudden the mother shouts

"hey! kids come back here and DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!"

and then she gives me a very pointed look.

um, can i say besides the lord of the ring and me, there were no other people in this parking lot so i was confused as to who she was freaking out about. i even looked behind me because she surely wasn't talking to me! i'm not a stranger. i am like the baby whisperer. kids love me. i'm not all creepy and weird. even if i don't like you OR your kid i'm still pleasant and kind. and i never approach a child or talk to a child without talking to the parent first.

and all i was doing was getting out of the car.

well, of course they heard their mother and gave me a worried look and ran back to her.


so somewhere between the ineffective, disengaged parent and the freaky, shouty, paranoid parent there lies this sillymortalmama. who knows that parenting is hard. and who knows that as a parent the potential is there to be either one of those parents at any given moment.

(and who is extremely thankful that by some luck of the draw i've been able to be slightly better balanced than the average silly mortal)

that being said, i should just stay home from now on.

you know, before i get really hurt. or arrested.

in other news, wingman's baseball season came to a close saturday with another win. his team took top place in his whole division!!! yay wingman!

the duke's team can't buy a win, and in fact they are last in their whole division. BUT i am really enjoying watching them play. they really are a great team and bring a lot to every game.

further, the duke made it off the bench and now plays nearly the WHOLE game every time. he even got to pitch in one game! we're told he is really admired by his coaches as a stellar teammate, and an all around great kid to coach. he listens to what they say and he doesn't talk back. he's eager and willing to learn and to put himself out there.

and i didn't do a damn thing. i didn't make excuses or get all mama bear or interfere. he did this on his own. he figured it out and did it.

so as far as i'm concerned he's having a very winning season.

and i couldn't be prouder.


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