most expensive chapstick i'll ever own.

so about 6 months ago at the urging of our family dentist i took the duke to the orthodontist.

his front teeth are his permanent teeth and they protrude more than is normal. they aren't bucked or anything like that, just big teeth for a little mouth. big enough to be a concern as he is an active 10 year old.

and believe, i've broken my front teeth THREE times so i'll do what i can to protect his.

six months ago our ortho said let's give it another six months and re-check. well we re-checked yesterday and it looks like our time is up.

he's got to have a a 14-16 month phase 1 started. this consists of a metal plate being cemented to the roof of his mouth and attached to four of his teeth. for two weeks, twice a day, i, his mother, will take a small metal key and insert it into the metal plate and give it a twist.

this is supposed to slowly create the space needed in his upper jaw. it's slowly going to be the icky creepy death of me, but i guess no one cares about that.

two weeks. then when two weeks is up the plate stays in place for three months.

they also insert those those teeny rubber bands between several teeth to start creating space.

when three months is up he gets a partial set of braces on his four front teeth to start reigning them in. oh, and head gear. he gets to wear head gear 12-14 hours a day.

okay, before y'all start FREAKING out, headgear has come A LONG way since the 80's. it's just a strap that hooks to the braces and goes around the back of his head. all night while he sleeps and an hour or two during the day. watching tv, on the computer, etc. he does NOT have to wear it out of the house.

so when that's all done he gets the partial braces off and waits for all of his permanent teeth to come in then he gets a full set of braces for the next two years or so. though it may be less.

all of which will give him beautiful and more importantly more protected teeth.

i'm not going to tell you how much it's all going to cost because i care for you and don't want to provoke any hyperventilating or strokes or full blown heart attacks.

i will say that as we were leaving the assistant asked the duke if he liked chapstick and would he like a tube? it's a promotional chapstick with the ortho's name and all that for advertising purposes.

the duke didn't really say much but indicated that he could care less about chapstick.

but not me. i said

"i do! i'll take it!"

and i snatched it from her hand so quick she didn't have time to blink. i don't think i scratched her but i really can't be concerned about that.

hell, if she had offered me a prize from the treasure chest i would have taken that too.

and i'm going to use every last bit of that fuckin' chapstick. till the container is completely empty. even if i have to bust it apart and stick a q-tip in there to get the last of it out. even if it is a disgusting fake coconut.

i'm going to use it and i'm going to love it. every last money hemorrhaging, creepy key turning, makes me cry and cringe to think about it, disgusting coppertone tan tasting, bit.

x.