all in a day's work.

so i was at the store at the beginning of the day...i went to the deli counter for 1/4 pound of pancetta for a recipe i was making.

"can i have a quarter of a pound of the pancetta please?"

"certainly"

shuffle shuffle slice slice then she puts it on the scale.

it comes up .40.

"is this okay?"

and fully starts wrapping it up before i have a chance to respond. assuming, of course, that i will say yes.

um. let's review.

1/4 of a pound is a quarter of a pound. if if showed on the scale it would be .25, 1/2 would be .50, etc.

what does that make .40?

not a quarter of a pound.

now, i understand it's not an exact science, this business of slicing meat. i understand that all too often it's agreed upon to go under or over the weight depending on how it's sliced.

that's why they ask "is this okay" while you check out the numbers on the scale.

BUT.

.40 is nowhere near .25...like i could see .28 or even .30...but .40 is way more.

and pancetta is expensive and specialized. it's not like oh okay, give me the extra turkey at 5.99 a pound, i'll use it.

all of which added up to forcing me to respond with

"well. see now. i only asked for 1/4 of a pound because i only need 1/4 of a pound for a recipe i'm making. there's no way i'll use all that extra. and at 17 bucks a pound, that's really a waste money-wise as well. so no, that's not okay."

i had her re-slice it and damned if i didn't get .29 worth of pancetta.

moving right along to piano lessons in the afternoon. we are in with the teacher (she teaches in her basement studio) when this mother and daughter come in about 5 minutes early.

but they don't just arrive 5 minutes early and quietly take a seat. she just opens the door and stands there "hiiii! we're a bit early but we wanted to see the baby!"

(piano teacher had a new baby a few months ago)

we're all just sitting there looking at her. and since the piano teacher is nice and a little shy she didn't quite know what to say so she's like um, sure.

i guess wingman's lesson is over.

i start packing our stuff up, and as i'm making my way to leave interrupting mom says to me

"oh. am i parked behind you?"

okay lady, since there's only one car in the one car driveway and we both know it's not the piano teacher's car and you pulled your car in behind the only car in the one car driveway and parked it then you do the math.

i think this is meat slicer's sister.

forcing me to respond with

"yeah. i guess you are"

to which she replies as we are headed out the door

"oh. okay. i'll move it in a minute"

really. you'll move it in a minute. after you bust up my kid's lesson five minutes early and after you get a chance to visit with the baby you'll move your car.

what she was really asking of me was for me to do the ha ha mama nicey nice because we're all in this together and in a social situation and say "oh. don't worry. no problem. not a big deal. go right ahead and take your time."

instead, i did what i do when presented with behavior that i cannot comprehend or just don't. want. to. deal. with...i just stood there and looked right at her and didn't say anything.

damned if she didn't get her crocs in gear and move that minivan of hers right then.

i don't suffer fools gladly. but i can be really nice in the face of foolishness because despite all evidence to the contrary i really am a very polite person.

but sometimes i'm a bitch and i really can't say that i have any control over it.

okay, so later we were at dinner and there's a guy up in the front obviously waiting for take out. he's wearing jeans and a denim shirt.

i offhandedly mention, okay maybe kinda snarkily, to the lord of the ring how much i don't like a denim on denim look.

to which the lord of the ring does a double take from take out guy to me and back.

forcing me to respond with

"oh, c'mon. that's a chambray shirt and jeans he's got on! this is a man's blue dress shirt i am wearing with jeans! with a t-shirt underneath! not buttoned up, not tucked in! it's not the same!"

but the smirk on the lord of the ring's face suggested otherwise.

at least the day ended without further ado. oh, except the requisite conversation with the waitress about how wingman is indeed a boy, and oh the beautiful hair, yadda yadda bleh.

you will be happy to know i don't plan on leaving the house today.

it's probably for the best.

enjoy your weekend!

x.