day one down, 179 more to go.

school started yesterday.

wingman so far loves latin and the duke declares that his math is easy and cursive handwriting makes his hand hurt...

so all in all not a bad first start.

lest you think i am a tyrant making the wee lads start back to school in the thick of summer, we are only doing latin, math, and penmanship for august then folding in all the other subjects in september...plus, we only school 4 days a week all year, and take a week here and there when we take trips or need a break...

so all in all it all comes out in the wash.

plus, if the boybarians don't get back to a routine AND SOON, i am not naming names but someone will be running away from home...with her new laptop...and her case of wine...

in other news, we may be down to 4 cats soon...one kitty got a great home with friends of ours close enough that we can visit him...and it was a bit up in the air as to where his two brothers were going, but mis! is taking them so i'm pleased about that...

shh! don't tell anyone, but one of the pair is my absolute favorite in the world...likes to curl up on me while i read, and when i was really sick he came and slept next to me in bed all. day. long.

i will be very sad to see him go, but if he's got to go anywhere i'm glad mis! is taking him...she's a great pet mommy and i bet she'll all but chew his food for him...no, really...i wouldn't be surprised if she went all march of the penguins on them and put the food in their mouths, too...

so that leaves chico and the man, the chubby siamese, and the teeny black kitty who looks like a cross between a panther and a fruit bat and who'll handily kick your ass given half a chance...especially if you mess with her stuffed snake.

and let me tell you, it STILL would have been easier to have a baby.

without going into long and boring detail, what to feed when to feed how much to feed raw or grain free or no carb or a combo of all and then the recent pet food scares blah blah blah i came about two valium shy of making my own cat food...

of this i am not proud.

not because my kitties don't deserve the very best, but because staying up late at night pricing meat and bone grinders and where i could get the best deal on whole chicken and rabbits (shipped fresh on ice right to my door) and when i could carve out the time needed each week for the chip and grind fest and not to mention who in the sam hell would watch these 6 godforsaken cats with the cleaning and the feeding especially adding in the darling feature of the feeding them a raw diet is not something that sane people do.

among other things, it just proves i am consistent...crazy, but consistent.

but don't fret, i've come up with a good healthy feeding plan for my kitties that doesn't require me going all fargo on anything AND may just not send anyone running should we ever go anywhere ever again and need someone to feed the beasts...

so all in all we may have found a stable cat routine.

seriously i can barely get anyone over here to watch the boybarians. and they wipe their own buts and don't eat raw meat.

so far i haven't made it to my mobile office yet, but i'm working on it...i've got to get our school routine down before i start messing with it...and by "messing with it" i mean i need to get up at 6 out the door and back before 8...

yawn.

i'm tired just thinking about it.

but, apparently the great american novel comes with a price...and i imagine mediocre random musings do too...

i'll let you know which way it goes for me at 6 am.

x.


you know he'd be your favorite too.

i heart the lord of the ring.

so he's been gone since sunday morning...a business road trip to the central and northern parts of california took him away and brings him back tonight...

and while he was gone i opened the door one early morning to the ups guy and in less time than it took for the tour de france to fall apart i was the shocked and happy recipient of a brand spankin' new dell laptop!!

just his way of saying it's time for me to get serious and write.

gulp.

not only that, but we had THE most delicious wine last friday at my birthday dinner that we learned we could not get around here...not so oddly enough it came from very near where i grew up...

so he tracked down the winery on his road trip and the liquor store that sells their wine!!

without falling victim to the gush, i am a very lucky woman to have such a partner in this life...

and it's not about the gifts, because as a couple we rarely exchange gifts and thus don't put much emphasis on them...

it's about the intent behind the gift...the idea that someone knows what you need/want and works hard and puts in effort to see that you get it...

even if you yourself find every reason on earth why it's too expensive or extravagant or i'll make do with what i have or the all around and all purpose, i don't deserve it.

if you couldn't guess already, that's my favorite one...

i exist fully within a poverty mentality...and while this is practical when money is tight or non-existent, it hampers me in so many ways on a daily living breathing existing basis...

i don't need a laptop or a case of my favorite wine.

but if i want to write seriously i have to leave the house.

and that wine was damn good.

so there you have it.

and perhaps one day i will acknowledge that i do deserve it...that i am worthy of gifting no matter how large or small...

in fact this birthday i received so many wonderful things...so many wonderful wishes from people who care...i rarely get gifts, so this was sweet and unexpected...

the stainless steel, gorgeous enough to sit on my counter and has a filter, compost bucket from my dear friend rj...who knows i have wanted one and would never spend that kind of money on myself...(myself, for a household compost bucket...i'm such a cancer girl)

or the beautifully charming box of handmade chocolates from my friend the georgia peach...sent overnight from a place i would never have cause to sample from...the sweetest part a teeny tiny white chocolate mouse with a gorgeous little red satin tail...

and from the bag lady in paris, a beautiful over three foot tall statue of the virgin mary for my garden...i see her every time i look out the window and i feel safe and honored and blessed by her presence...

and the presence of all of those in my life who care so much to honor me so...

and again, it's not about the gifts...it's about the love...

it's a beautiful day out and it's the weekend...school starts monday and the pencils are sharpened and the books are waiting to be cracked...

i wish you all a wonderful weekend and the hope that you have someone who does something nice for you...

and if you don't, then i hope you do something nice for someone else...

kindness is meant to be passed along and meant to be shared.

and in that vein, i shall think of you while sipping my abundance vineyards abundantly rich red vintage 2004, and perhaps the next time we meet it will be from my "mobile office".

x.

my 2 cents.

if you can't manage your shit well enough to learn how to NOT keep drinking and driving when you can afford a driver or better yet a therapist, or be able to put on a simple pair of panties with a short dress when you know there will be photographers following your every move, or just be a complete psychotic mess when you have every resource to figure out how to figure it out then you need to try visiting some real disasters.

there are a LOT of real disasters in this world...people starving to death, children getting their limbs hacked off, natural disasters wiping out whole villages and lives.

there's a LOT out in the world that has nothing to do with you.

perfect. strap on a backpack and get to it.

i do believe angelina jolie was the one who suggested this. i'm just in agreement.

yes, you do need to pay for your crimes in the criminal justice system...but true rehabilitation only comes with the dawning awareness that you are but a speck...and that there is actually something real you can do with your time and energies and resources.

no wonder so many people around the world hate us.

we know more about the minute by minute whereabouts of an out of control starlet than we do about our own war our own country our own government local or national!...or anyone else's for that matter.

what a message. bullying incompetents running the country and asinine celebrities running the news.

x.

has it already been a year?

well, it's my birthday.

the 15th anniversary of my 21st birthday to be exact.

what is the gift for that anniversary? tin? wood? two buck chuck?

so far it's a good day...though truth be told any day one wakes up and knows where they are is automatically a good day as far as i'm concerned...

and just in time for my birthday it's raining cats and dogs out and i don't feel like doing a thing...we're supposed to go to dinner tonight, but the thought of trying to pull myself together to look presentable makes me sleepy and want to stay home with nachos and a six pack...trinny and susannah would NOT be proud...

and the reservations are for 8pm...how european.

but, we're dropping the boybarians off at the grocery store lost and found so we have the whole evening to ourselves.

and the restaurant is one i've been wanting to go to forever...and any dinner out wherein i'm not rooting in my bag for a scrap of paper and a pen or something just to get wingman distracted from the need to talk a mile a minute about everything and nothing at all at a voice pitch that could cut glass and does is a one step back from that padded cell...i'll take it.

god i love that kid but he does go on...and on...and on...shhhhhhh lower your voice!...and on and onandonandonandon please lower your voice!

and it only gets worse in confined spaces...he's been that way since he was a baby...he'd be as quiet as could be and the moment the library doors closed behind him he's at the top of his voice...

anyhow, birthdays are a convenient time for a little reflection...though i spend so much bleepin' time thinking about myself and over analyzing my every mental move that i should take a break from the *reflection* for the day...

that being said, i don't have any real goals for the year ahead...not my style...i suppose just keeping my head above water is goal enough...and i've got two kids homeschooling this year, so i guess that's the year right there...best not to introduce more into that petri dish...

speaking of the boybarians, they want to pay a visit to the new bakery in town for a birthday morning sweet...the duke gave me a big hug and kiss and said he wanted to buy me a snickers bar...wingman has made me two cards so far and said he'd like to get me a barbie for my birthday...

it's a good day.

x.

p.s. the older i get i still feel 19 inside...i'm surprised when other people don't see that...and i'm surprised when my kids listen to me like i know what i'm talking about...because i feel like a 19 year old totally full of shit.

p.p.s. happy birthday carlos santana!

can u feel the love.

me: the billing clerk at my doctor's office said my co-pay is the highest she's seen.

him: remember, we picked that co-pay so we'd have lower monthly payments.

me: well, it's a big ass co-payment.

him: okay, if we find that you're going to the doctor like all the time we'll change it.

me: if we find that i'm going to the doctor all the time you should just shoot me.

him: oh, honey, i couldn't do that.

me: i know.

him: i mean, that's illegal. i could go to jail.

me: not to mention that you'd miss me, mr. romance.

him: yeah, that. too.

x.

the dog ate my serotonin.

reasons i've been MIA: (in no particular order of importance)

suffered a bout of depression.

recovered/ing from illness.

trying and not succeeding in placing kittens in new homes.

hot and sweaty.

what i'm doing now:

i've got a head pain that's been going on over a month now.

i've got a follow up appointment today with my doctor re: my recent illness as i don't think i'm 100% back to health. bah.

we've got this week and next and then we're back to school. curriculum sorting and planning.

my birthday is on friday.

oh, and apparently i'm jewish.

but more on that later.

x.

how to end a two year long discussion with a six year old.

wingman is still on me about having a baby...

you'd think two cats and their five subsequent kittens would suffice, but i guess i grossly misjudged that!

story of my life.

so this morning we are eating breakfast and he says for about the millionth time in the past two weeks

"mama, why don't you just have another baby?"

"i don't want to have another baby"

"why?"

"because i have the two kids i want"

"but i want to be a big brother...and it could be a baby sister or a baby brother...i don't care...and then i would be in the middle!"

oy. he's obviously not gotten that memo.

"well, you know...you can be a "big cousin" to your little cousins...and that's WAAAYYY more fun, because if you're a big enough brother to a baby sister or baby brother you've got to help out a LOT"

"i would help!"

"yeah, well you'd have to hold the baby when i couldn't...and help feed the baby...and change the baby's diapers...even if they poop"

silence.

disgusted look.

"i am NOT wiping *ANYONE'S* poopy bottom"

and that was that...

and perhaps that was harsh as i sure wouldn't expect wingman to change a baby's diapers...

but i also expect i won't be hearing much about being a big brother in the future either...

x.