the rules on the playroom wall...

we have a sign on the wall of the playroom with two rules on it...

1. have fun
2. put your toys away

and for the most part, it works!...what was once regularly a vast wasteland of toy piles, is now clean and organized...

and much nicer to play in...it's inviting, and i notice that the boys have more varied and intricate play when the space is more open...

my boys actually play quite well together most of the time...they can also play alone quite well...and, sometimes they fight...but for the most part, they enjoy playing with one another...

for instance, this morning wingman comes up to me and tells me he's a cowboy...

then the duke comes up and says

"well, basically we're pioneers"...

wingman says he can't be a "peneer" because he has to feed his baby...

what are you feeding her i ask him...

"a bottle of juice and a cup of honey"

(good to know nutrition is a big part of his parenting)

they decide to take a break from the road to feed the babies and water the horses...and bug me for popsicles...

often times the games are normal boy/kid games...chase, monster, building with legos, playing with cars...

other times, the play is odd and a bit frightening...

like the time the lord of the ring went in the play room to find the duke had seven *guns* made out of duplo blocks and was selling them to wingman and writing receipts...

he was understandably shaken by the experience and came to tell me our son was dealing arms...

to which i said,

"he KNOWS there are no weapons allowed in the house!...but at least he's leaving a paper trail...the feds will like that"

yeah, a bit disconcerting, but that night we had one of our many guns discussions...i DON'T like that kind of play, but i do like a springboard for discussing issues...

i never thought my NO WEAPONS! rule would be changed to no weapons in the house...along with no toy guns not made by them, no pointing at anyone, and no pretend shooting...and yes, you guessed it, it takes the fun right out of it...i mean, if you can do no more that hold the weapon it's probably less like a game of "cops and robbers" and more like a game of "discount mattress outlet security guard"...

for the most part wingman doesn't really get the whole gun thing, and despite the occasional gun sale that suggests otherwise, the duke isn't overly into the idea of guns...

but they do have swords they play with in the yard...they are warriors, vikings, knights, pirates...again, the swords and swordplay come with their own set of rules...and if it weren't actual toy swords, then it would be sticks, and if not sticks, stones, and if not that they'd find something...

the next day found the duke of fun and wingman playing "baby museum"...

when they came to tell me what they were doing my first thought was, great first arms dealings now some macabre museum...

of course i feared the worst, but when i went into the playroom i found that "baby museum" consisted of taking every baby and stuffed animal they own and making "safe" and "cozy" beds for them until their parents came to pick them up...

"mama, you have to be quiet...it took forever to get them all asleep"

my boybarians were playing daycare...

it's funny, because the times i hold my breath the most about what i think they have done or are doing, they are playing well and sweetly...

it's those sneak attacks, like walking into a back-room arms deal, or finding the duke demonstrating for(and on!) wingman the best way to tie hands behind the back with a jump rope...

"you know, in case we have to tie up robbers"

we have another sign on our playroom wall...and while it's not a *rule*, it fits nicely with the rules on our other sign...

dare to be remarkable

it's no secret that play is important to children...both for development and simple recreation...and i think fantasy play is extremely important...sure, some fantasy play can give the lord of the ring and i pause and require occasional redirection, but we wouldn't have it any other way ...

with my boys and their active imaginations and the freedom to express them, the inevitable conclusion is that i am at times going to be faced with something more intense or aggressive than i like...something that calls them from a place inside only they know about...

the trick is, well hell i don't know what the trick is...but what the lord of the ring and i do now is let them go...give them a safe, enjoyable atmosphere in which to play and express themselves, redirect when necessary, but ultimately let them go...

and letting go is hard, but hanging on is even harder...because even though it's difficult to reconcile that the play they favor at times is loud, aggressive, violent, it's a part of who my boys are...and we have to let go and let them go with their imaginations...be free to express what's inside...

within reason, of course...hence the weaponry and cleanliness rules...because while you may have just slain the dragon (NO! the cat CAN NOT be the dragon!)or beaten back the avenging pirates (shoving your brother off the big rock when he's not looking is NOT an acceptable way to play walk the plank!), you still have to clean up your trains and books and legos...

but that's life...rules exist for the safety and welfare of the world at large...and they exist here at home, too...and while we have many, many, more rules than the ones discussed here, the ones on the playroom wall are some of the most important...

1. have fun
2. put your toys away
3. dare to be remarkable

x.