animal farm...

the cat has had a banner week...

she peed on the bed and i've been dealing with getting rid of the smell for days now...

i thought it was bad enough that she had me shoving my nose deep into the semi- moist mattress to figure out where the spots i had missed getting with the nature's miracle were...

but last night she brought me dinner...

blech...i'll take cat pee on the nose any day of the week...

whatever it was was writhing about and very, very fat...and bleeding...man it was big!...we have little shrews and field voles out here, but this was the size of a small terrier...

i was on the phone and started screaming and freaking out...i don't do well with rodentia of any kind...especially the ones doing *reservoir dogs* in my dining room...

and of course the cat's all proud and feels deserving of a treat for the *treat* she brought me...tell you what cat, why don't you eat the rodent, i'm good...

so i yelled the cat outside and looked for something to throw over the corpse...i grabbed the first thing i found and popped it on top...i won't tell you what it was in case you ever come to my house and i use it because i am not throwing it away...

i waited for the lord of the ring to come home and deal with it...not my job...my mother tried to give me hints on how to dispose of it and i declined...

"that's why i have a husband"

you can just feel the irritation that radiates off my old school feminist mother when she hears her daughter say this...and you know she's thinking about all those books she sent me in college...and how the money could have obviously been much better spent for all the good they did...

i WAS a feminist in college!!!...an honest to god, pound-your-fist-on-the-table feminist...but now i have a husband so i don't have to be...isn't that great! (tee hee hee)

and while i'm doing the mother daughter dance on the phone i see the thing i popped over the top MOVING!!!...gotta go mom...

okay, so maybe it didn't really move...but it looked like it...i ran outside and stayed there till the lord of the ring came home with the boys...and it was very fortunate that in my desperate and frenzied hurry to escape i thought to grab a bottle of wine, a glass, and the corkscrew as it was quite a wait...

so when the lord of the ring got home he deftly and swiftly took care of the corpse...of course he praised the cat (she was his before she was ours)...and remarked on the size...

see, it's not just me...it WAS the size of a small terrier...

i'm too squeamish for pets and animals in general...but living out here, there's nothing you can do about it...springtime comes around and it's animal central out here...if it's not rodents being whacked in your dining room, there's the roving bands of blue jays, gangs if you will, who are obviously up to no good outside...

at least the jays only harass you from the yard...there is actually this one little bird who flys into the house right to the playroom anytime the front door is open...comes right in and hops about like he owns the joint...the kids think it's just grand and wingman named him "salty"...yeah isn't just great to have a bird flying right at your head like a bad scene out of a worse movie and finding bird poop on the bionicles...i can do without it, myself...

and if that isn't bad enough, lately i've caught him trying to come in with a friend!...cheeky bastard...

green acres is not the life for me...between what the cat drags in, the squirrels (i like to believe they are squirrels) who run in the ceiling over our bed, and salty, "bird wonder" it's all too damn much...

and don't even get me started on the fish...worst nine cents i've ever spent...

x.