so ray charles died this week, and in reading the little blurb about him on the computer it suggested, among other things, that he was "mercurial"...and it was suggested it as if being mercurial was a bad thing...i have always loved that word and not been real clear on it's meaning...so i looked it up and discovered that if ray was "mercurial" then he and i might as well have been twins, mercurial twins, and that it wasn't such a bad thing after all...
mercurial adj. 1. of, relating to, or born under the planet of Mercury
2. having qualities of eloquence, ingenuity, or thievishness
(i LOVE those three together!)
and here's where it really gets good...
3. characterized by rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood
ding ding and we have a WINNER!
now, some might see this as a character flaw whereas i see it as an asset...
i can see the confusion...one might just ask the lord of the ring how much of an asset it is to have a mercurial wife...
because to most, rapid and unpredictable changeableness of mood might translate simply to "moody"...not exactly high up on the list of character traits one wants to identify with...(or be married to)
that's fair, and understandable...
and i have to admit that at times i may just tip the scales towards moody...
BUT
isn't that great!...turning on a dime, even emotionally, is an art, a gift!!!...
because what it means is that i can be happy and relaxed (it can happen) one moment and shrieking my way to breaking up an argument between the duke and wingman the next...an argument that may or may not have worked it's own self out, but who can take that risk!...
okay, i'm being sarcastic...there really is a *gift* in having this particular character *asset*...
i am home all day and suffer the wonderfulness of all of that along with the slings and arrows...i am fully steeped in this life, these kids, my family...it's hard and challenging and i love it...
but, as you may have surmised, some days are better than others...and i can be real bad about hiding it...
(the goddess mother (one of the boy's godparents) says it's my "negative resting face"...she has it too (only hers is much, much prettier)...that's why we get along so well...)
some days do get to me, but the benefit of being moody is that when need be i don't have to *hide* that fact...the mood of *stress* just falls away and is replaced...just like that...there isn't a *shift* of gears, a need to *transition*...because even though i can't keep the house clean or get the kids to be less boybarianish, and in turn that causes stress i can neither hide nor figure out where to send it permanently packing, my mercurial nature has provided me with the ability to let that all fall away when need be...at a seconds notice...
and when you have little kids whose feelings and bodies get hurt on a daily basis that quality is important...when you have family with lives of their own and a need to share, vent, ask, or be soothed it's important...when you have friends whom you hold as dear and as precious as gold and you can feel their pain like a crack in your own heart, that needs attending to (and needed now and not later) it's important...
life is a process, unpredictable at best...
and i like the idea that even though i can be pissed that the cat peed on the bed, that the boybarians have tried their best to get the playroom looking like the seventh circle of hell, and that i weigh more than i should, the second i'm needed, really needed, i can let that fall away...and be there...
moody, but there...
and while i don't know how "mercurial" ray was in his personal life, or what his friends and family thought of his "gift", i have to guess that some of that mercurial nature had to have spilled over into his musical career...and like me, it has served him well...
x.
1 comment:
Yes. Ray is gone (and personally I'm pretending that all the flags at half-mast are for him). Long live Ray.
And I can appreciate what you say about the mercurial qualities of personhood. I agree that it is an asset, mostly, and that it is not good (for anyone, in the long run) to hide what you are feeling. The challenges of motherhood, wife-hood, and oh hell, being alive, are, or should be, open to honest expression. Of course the opinions and feelings of children, parents, friends and others may well clash with your current state of mind, but that's just the way it is sometimes. And then it changes back to the way it was before (or not). I salute your ability to self-express, and for doing the blog.
Post a Comment