Thursday, October 09, 2008
i should have put in an extra 50 cents to try for the patron saint of lost objects.
the following conversation took place this morning.
me: i did the dumbest thing i've ever done in my life today.
him: oh, i hardly think that's possible.
there's always room for fucking up somewhere, right?
i think what he meant to say was supposed to be reassuring, like "oh, of course you didn't."
but it came out sounding different. and it's funnier to skew it this way anyway.
(note to all you singles out there. never go out with/date/partner/marry a writer. trust me)
anyway, at yoga i took my rings off. i wear two rings. my wedding ring and a ring that was a joint gift from the goddess mother and my sister after the duke was born. oh look. there it is above us. it's a carved face set in silver. it's beautiful. everyone who sees it loves it. i love it.
so my rings have been looser lately...okay. can i just stop here and repeat that. in bold. and caps.
MY RINGS HAVE BEEN LOOSER LATELY!
i'd like to believe all this yoga is finally paying off. while i am doing it for health and peace of mind, there are some other pieces of me i'd like to see affected by it as well. the pieces that are more used to being affected by wine and cheeseburgers.
anyway, so i took my rings off because they bug me during yoga. and i always put them in the front part of my purse...okay. can i just stop right here a say i do not at all care for the word purse. when i think of myself i DO NOT think of myself as someone who would carry a purse. i don't know why. it just seems so girlie and moommyish.
not that i think of myself as the burly truck driver type, just something about the word purse.
anyway, so i took my rings off and put them in my purse. in one of the front flat pockets of my purse where i always put them.
then i had some sort of leave of senses, a fit of the idiotics if you will. i took them from my purse and had the brilliant idea to put them in my sweatshirt pocket with my keys. a small pocket. a pocket that's shallower than...okay can i just stop right here i so do not have time for a metaphor, just trust me when i say the pocket is shallow.
so of course after class i gather my things and put my sweatshirt on and head to my car. as i get to the car i pull out my keys and get in the front seat.
and right then, somewhere in the back of some conscious part of my brain i register a small sound. not a ping or a thud, just a sound. i'm aware and not aware of it at the same time. but i don't become aware of this at all until a minute or so later. make sense? no? read on, you'll see what i mean.
i start the car and i'm going to put it in reverse and then i remember my rings. i go to my purse to the pocket where i put them and they aren't there. i dig deeper and they aren't there. i check the other pocket and they aren't there.
panic. you all know panic. real abject fear. that one split second when you know you are not dreaming and it's only one split second more when you'll find the child, the wallet, the wedding ring or you won't. and everything after that one split second more will be cool or absolutely fucked up beyond all repair.
and in the next split second my rings weren't there. totally FUBAR.
my sweatshirt pocket! of course! now i remember!
i checked and they weren't there.
i get out of the car and look underneath and around and they aren't there. i get back in.
and then i remember the small sound. only right then do i become aware that i was aware and i remember that i registered some small sound. so i open the door and right there, right where i just looked, right there is my wedding ring. lying on the pavement. my beautiful ring that symbolizes so much, that means so much to me. just lying there.
how did i overlook it before? how did i not see this? maybe it wasn't there or maybe it was.
all i know is i picked it up and put it on and gave a sigh. of. relief. an upwards glance of thanks.
but my other ring? nowhere to be found. i searched again in and out and around the car. i went back in the building and got help looking and retraced my steps and it was nowhere. to. be. found.
and it's just a thing but the sense of loss was so profound. they are just things, sure, we can all tell ourselves this. just things, but they really can come to mean so much. even more when they are gone.
isn't that funny. how something means more when it's not right in front of us. now THAT is a sick cosmic joke. and a really really REALLY good lesson.
don't they usually go hand in hand? the sick comic jokes and the lessons learned?
where was i? oh, yeah. so i got back into the car, put the key in the ignition, and i'm about ready to go when right then, for some reason unbeknownst to me, right then i am compelled to look in my purse, in the main part, not the front pockets, and right there was my ring. staring up at me. right there.
now, like i said before, at yoga i never put my rings in the main part. just in the front flat pockets (when i'm not hit by a fit of the idiotics that is) and even though i had the flap up to look in the front pockets initially, so sure the main part was exposed, remember i ended up putting the rings in my pocket. not anywhere in my purse.
and yet, it there it was. right there on top. staring right up at me.
and there you have it. divine intervention on a random thursday in october.
and i'm sure there's a lot more to say about that but i think i'm good for now.