adventures in clothing; part one.

LITTLE BLACK DRESS

i have a credit at old navy and decided to use it up. so i went in search of some summer things for the duke. such a mom, huh? *i* have a credit and my first thought is what do i get for the kids.

it turns out i found a few items for the duke and a shirt for wingman so everything isn't a hand me down (though that kid does love a hand me down more than any kid i've ever met. a great joy for him is to find out that he is the THIRD kid to wear a particular piece of clothing. go figure) and they were all on great sale.

on the way up to the cash register i veered off into the women's section to try my luck. some think that gardening is a form of legalized gambling? trying on clothes ought to be straight up illegal.

BUT! right off the bat i found a black dress. nice v neckline that extended to the shoulders, 3/4 length sleeves, just the right length, stretchy. my kind of dress.

i imagined it would be cute in the fall, with tall boots and a cropped denim jacket. the tag said medium which is not my usual stomping grounds where the hips and ass are concerned, but it looked about the right size so i tried it on anyway.

so! cute! it fit great. not too loose, not too tight. definitely a great dress. AND THE BEST PART, it was only 3.97!!! it was deeply discounted to make way for all the new stuff. but still! 3.97??!!??

good lord no wonder asia's gonna take over the world and soon.

so i bought it. i showed it off to the lord of the ring and felt terribly smug about the whole thing.

the next day when i was hanging it in the closet...okay who am i kidding!?! the next day when i was taking it from the pile of laundry in desperate needing of folding from downstairs to the pile of laundry in desperate needing of folding upstairs, i noticed a little funny stitching at the side. it was on both sides, in fact. right below the waist. it seemed to give it a bit of a *pouf.* i hadn't noticed it the day before.

i've been down this road. twice. and with a heavy knowing heart i looked at the tag. this time a little more closely.

and there it was. in tiny lettering but there none. the. less.

MATERNITY

oh. my. god. it's a maternity dress! NO. FARKIN'. WONDER. it fit so goddamned good! in regular clothes of the unpregnant if i don't truss myself to the inch worthy of a turkey dinner or employ the use of smoke, mirrors, and well time distractions, i looked like i'm four months pregnant! but that's not needed in maternity clothes. they have a way of fitting the BELLY AND MAKING YOU LOOK GOOD NO MATTER WHAT!

and for the record, i did not look anywhere NEAR pregnant in that dress. at least, i don't think i did.

aaack!

my little black maternity dress.

i was slightly deflated at first, then you know what? i just said fuck it.

life's too short. it's a cute dress. it fits. it was 3.97. vanity?check! practicality?check! cheap ass bastard approved?check! all my personalities were happy.

do i care it's a maternity dress? no. i figure i've got a roof over my head, love in my heart, i'm not buried in rubble, my kids weren't swept away by the sea, and i have a cute little black dress. that fits.

i'm the luckiest girl in the world.

so if you see me this fall wearing a little black dress and looking cute, please don't ask me how far along i am.

x.