time to get up offa that thing.

hola!

well now that the holidays are over life begins again...what is it about holidays that make the world seem to stop?...because it never does, it just seems to...

and then you come to january 2nd and you're like what the hell just happened?

anyhow, i'm taking this week to get right back into school, get all holiday decorations put away (and i don't mean in their *spot* in the upstairs hallway) and get the big red house squared away for our trip to woodcock pocket...

yep, we are heading to new england for a spell while the goddess mother prepares to bestow upon us another beautiful being...

this time we are staying in our own place and bringing the lord of the ring along for the ride...we are all looking forward to it!

in other news another new year is upon us and there's a sense of renewal coupled with the unsettling notion that time is moving way too fast...

this year the duke turns 10...10!...who knew!...and wingman is growing so fast i can't keep up, and will soon be homeschooling with us...two of them and one of me...seems i really am no good at math because i should have seen that one coming!

my new year's resolution, such as it is, is to try very very very hard to stay in the moment...to let the little things, and some of the big, to pass me by without so much as a glance backward...to put worry away where it can't do any harm, and to just be *here*...

these boybarians are becoming so very big so very fast...and while i don't wish time to stop, per se, i do want to be able to savor the time that does pass...

i'll try...we'll see...it's a goal...

the thing is though that anyone who has ever parented knows what a hard task that is...to be able to switch gears quick enough and deep enough to really get down to the eye level of a child and really really truly listen with patience and willingness to a long drawn out detailed account of whatever is most important to them at the time...

and it's not the content or speaker it's the switching that gets me...okay, well yeah, who really wants to listen for the millionth time to a blow by blow account of a calvin and hobbes comic, or how exactly to get to some level on some computer game i will never in my life understand let alone play...seriously...i can barely listen to other adults talk about interesting stuff...

it's a good thing i don't need to date...

but, i digress.

the thing is, whatever is being said is obviously important to my kids so i try...but i'm just no good at the switch...which kills it at the get-go...i just can't do it...i can't go from listening to a story on the radio to instantaneous tuning in of the kid beside me who has already launched into a story of his own...

i can't go from a train of thought in my head and switch fast enough to catch the train of thought the kid next to me is already on...

i miss half, have to back everyone up, and get impatient because of it...which makes me want to make it end before it has begun...

and this is just when i'm not in the middle of actually trying to accomplish a task...teaching, cleaning, cooking, laundry, the endless search for my glasses, my keys, my purpose...

i have actually said to my kids, "i'm walking" and made the motion for them to follow and talk to the back of me...i've actually said "you've got to walk and talk, i'm moving"...

seriously...it's not pretty...and rarely am i doing anything that is as important as listening to my children...but i can't properly do the switch enough to FULLY stop whatever domestic ritual i'm performing...and so i end up as some kinda cross between alice from the brady bunch and an aaron sorkin character...

i know i need more time alone...i know i need a door that closes...time to think, to write, to *not*...i know i need a million things to be a functioning adult person...which then makes me a better parent...

who doesn't, though?...and how do you get all those things?

i haven't a clue, so i suppose this is the year to figure it out and get my shit together...to attempt at manipulating the ducks into some semblance of a row so everyone (magic word) gets what they need...

it's funny how much time we need to spend and how many things we need to make happen just to be able to fully stop for one minute...

god, i hope it's not just me.

x.