road map to the future.

today i had to draw a map of how the duke's rude morning behavior affects the rest of the house...

he was at the top, the lord of the ring and i were lower and to either side, and wingman was at the direct bottom...poor wingman, it's gotta suck being the smallest...

it's not pretty to be an adult and lose it over the actions of a child...you'd think at 35 you'd be farther along...you'd think that as your body ages so do your emotions and your maturity and it just isn't true...at least not always...

when the duke is in a bad mood in the mornings he is ferociously rude...patience is a virtue and in this case to retain even a shred of it would render me to saint status...

i should be able to handle it without buying into it...but a lot of the times i can't...i just can't keep my cool in the face of unhinged rudeness...then it spreads and everyone gets a piece of it...

so he's at the top, the lord of the ring and i flail at the sides and if wingman steps in the way he's involved too...

portrait of a family...

oh, it's not every day...but it just *is*...it exists...this taking over of the household by the erratic emotions of a developing child...and he's not even into full adolescence...sigh...

so after trying to explain it i drew him a map...

"look where you are...you're right on top and we're all at the bottom...and your bad mood starts falling down, falling on everyone and covering us all and pushing us into a bad mood, too...your little brother especially because he's way at the bottom...then he gets it from everyone"

silence.

"and papa and i are adults, we should know better...we should be able to deflect it...but when someone is shouting and being rude and they won't stop it's hard to keep patient...it's hard to do what you know you *should* do...and then so you do something you shouldn't...like lose your cool when you should try to keep it...i know you know how this feels"

silence.

"it is okay to be angry...it is okay to be upset, and mad, and unhappy...it is okay to think that what i am saying is the biggest load of bullshit ever and to think i'm the world's biggest idiot who doesn't know a thing"

head snaps up. eyes grow wide.

"you are entitled to feel whatever it is you are feeling...no matter what...that is your right...but you do not have the right to be rude...or disrespectful...ever"

eyes on me.

"you're allowed to feel like socking your brother, even...it doesn't mean you can do it...ever...just like it doesn't mean just because you are mad at me or think i don't know what i am talking about you have the right to be rude to me...tell me!...tell me how you feel, write it down, compose a song, do a dance, i don't care how you tell me, just *tell* me!...without rudeness and disrespect"

"okay...can i keep the map?"

dorothy sayers, a mid-century author and arguably the leading champion of classical education of her time and still widely read today once said of this age, "...its nuisance-value is extremely high."

indeed.

(she also wrote ads for guiness and was said to have coined the phrase "it pays to advertise")

now i just wish someone would draw me a map.

or, buy me a guiness.

x.