well we're off!!
the boybarians are totally excited about our stay in boston...
wingman is excited because
"boston has the BEST cwam chowdah!"
i don't know how he knows this but he's very committed to this being the case.
the duke, however has other plans
"i'm going to wear my yankee's hat and just see what happens"
good lord.
anyhow, i wish you all well and will check in with travel updates...
x.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
in the same way that alanis morissette doesn't know the meaning of ironic.
taking responsibility for what has happened is not the same as admitting you were wrong to begin with.
just sayin' is all.
x.
just sayin' is all.
x.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
checking in.
we leave on friday night to stay closer to the airport for an early a.m. flight to boston...
i am currently pretending that i am not on the verge of getting as sick as wingman has been the past couple of days...
i am also pretending that i am on schedule for getting us all ready to be gone for a month...
it's a good thing i have an active imagination.
x.
i am currently pretending that i am not on the verge of getting as sick as wingman has been the past couple of days...
i am also pretending that i am on schedule for getting us all ready to be gone for a month...
it's a good thing i have an active imagination.
x.
Friday, January 05, 2007
road map to the future.
today i had to draw a map of how the duke's rude morning behavior affects the rest of the house...
he was at the top, the lord of the ring and i were lower and to either side, and wingman was at the direct bottom...poor wingman, it's gotta suck being the smallest...
it's not pretty to be an adult and lose it over the actions of a child...you'd think at 35 you'd be farther along...you'd think that as your body ages so do your emotions and your maturity and it just isn't true...at least not always...
when the duke is in a bad mood in the mornings he is ferociously rude...patience is a virtue and in this case to retain even a shred of it would render me to saint status...
i should be able to handle it without buying into it...but a lot of the times i can't...i just can't keep my cool in the face of unhinged rudeness...then it spreads and everyone gets a piece of it...
so he's at the top, the lord of the ring and i flail at the sides and if wingman steps in the way he's involved too...
portrait of a family...
oh, it's not every day...but it just *is*...it exists...this taking over of the household by the erratic emotions of a developing child...and he's not even into full adolescence...sigh...
so after trying to explain it i drew him a map...
"look where you are...you're right on top and we're all at the bottom...and your bad mood starts falling down, falling on everyone and covering us all and pushing us into a bad mood, too...your little brother especially because he's way at the bottom...then he gets it from everyone"
silence.
"and papa and i are adults, we should know better...we should be able to deflect it...but when someone is shouting and being rude and they won't stop it's hard to keep patient...it's hard to do what you know you *should* do...and then so you do something you shouldn't...like lose your cool when you should try to keep it...i know you know how this feels"
silence.
"it is okay to be angry...it is okay to be upset, and mad, and unhappy...it is okay to think that what i am saying is the biggest load of bullshit ever and to think i'm the world's biggest idiot who doesn't know a thing"
head snaps up. eyes grow wide.
"you are entitled to feel whatever it is you are feeling...no matter what...that is your right...but you do not have the right to be rude...or disrespectful...ever"
eyes on me.
"you're allowed to feel like socking your brother, even...it doesn't mean you can do it...ever...just like it doesn't mean just because you are mad at me or think i don't know what i am talking about you have the right to be rude to me...tell me!...tell me how you feel, write it down, compose a song, do a dance, i don't care how you tell me, just *tell* me!...without rudeness and disrespect"
"okay...can i keep the map?"
dorothy sayers, a mid-century author and arguably the leading champion of classical education of her time and still widely read today once said of this age, "...its nuisance-value is extremely high."
indeed.
(she also wrote ads for guiness and was said to have coined the phrase "it pays to advertise")
now i just wish someone would draw me a map.
or, buy me a guiness.
x.
he was at the top, the lord of the ring and i were lower and to either side, and wingman was at the direct bottom...poor wingman, it's gotta suck being the smallest...
it's not pretty to be an adult and lose it over the actions of a child...you'd think at 35 you'd be farther along...you'd think that as your body ages so do your emotions and your maturity and it just isn't true...at least not always...
when the duke is in a bad mood in the mornings he is ferociously rude...patience is a virtue and in this case to retain even a shred of it would render me to saint status...
i should be able to handle it without buying into it...but a lot of the times i can't...i just can't keep my cool in the face of unhinged rudeness...then it spreads and everyone gets a piece of it...
so he's at the top, the lord of the ring and i flail at the sides and if wingman steps in the way he's involved too...
portrait of a family...
oh, it's not every day...but it just *is*...it exists...this taking over of the household by the erratic emotions of a developing child...and he's not even into full adolescence...sigh...
so after trying to explain it i drew him a map...
"look where you are...you're right on top and we're all at the bottom...and your bad mood starts falling down, falling on everyone and covering us all and pushing us into a bad mood, too...your little brother especially because he's way at the bottom...then he gets it from everyone"
silence.
"and papa and i are adults, we should know better...we should be able to deflect it...but when someone is shouting and being rude and they won't stop it's hard to keep patient...it's hard to do what you know you *should* do...and then so you do something you shouldn't...like lose your cool when you should try to keep it...i know you know how this feels"
silence.
"it is okay to be angry...it is okay to be upset, and mad, and unhappy...it is okay to think that what i am saying is the biggest load of bullshit ever and to think i'm the world's biggest idiot who doesn't know a thing"
head snaps up. eyes grow wide.
"you are entitled to feel whatever it is you are feeling...no matter what...that is your right...but you do not have the right to be rude...or disrespectful...ever"
eyes on me.
"you're allowed to feel like socking your brother, even...it doesn't mean you can do it...ever...just like it doesn't mean just because you are mad at me or think i don't know what i am talking about you have the right to be rude to me...tell me!...tell me how you feel, write it down, compose a song, do a dance, i don't care how you tell me, just *tell* me!...without rudeness and disrespect"
"okay...can i keep the map?"
dorothy sayers, a mid-century author and arguably the leading champion of classical education of her time and still widely read today once said of this age, "...its nuisance-value is extremely high."
indeed.
(she also wrote ads for guiness and was said to have coined the phrase "it pays to advertise")
now i just wish someone would draw me a map.
or, buy me a guiness.
x.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
just because you can, doesn't mean you should.
this nearly replaces my wwsnd? credo...(what would stevie nicks do?)
but nothing can really replace a standard response that includes a long scarf, tall heels, and a wind machine...you know i'm right about this...
anyhow, just because you can, doesn't mean you should can really be applied anywhere in life...
fashion, dating, having kids, meth...you know, the usual suspects...
if we had the just because you can, doesn't mean you should policy firmly intact pop culture as we know it would be just that much better...there would be no paris hilton and all her attendant wannabes, no coco (ice-t's wife) and no jackass movies...there would be no kevin federline, no leggings, and no parachute pants...there would be no star jones without the weight, and no meredith viera AT ALL...
my god there is so much more but i just don't have the time...
recently i've tried to get my kids to understand this concept...not as a control device, but more as a for a plea for moderation...genetics alone should have them worried...
but, for more recent day to day survival as a child it's also good policy...
for instance, if you are five years old just because you can turn on the light and continue to read calvin and hobbes after your mother turns it off and tucks you in for the night doesn't mean you should...
because it's wrong and because it will irritate your mother that she isn't being listened to...but mostly because due to this defiant action in order to be a good parent your mother has to actually
1. be present and invested enough to care that you have disobeyed her...which is harder than it seems given the lateness of the day, the existence of the couch, the cold drink in hand, and dog the bounty hunter on t.v...
2. be engaged enough to act on said information and actually haul her ass across the house and up the stairs to once again tell you what's what, turn out the light, and get you tucked in...
3. be prepared to again follow up on the first two should they not stick for sake of parental consistency...
dude.
but seriously, if you're gonna do this, kid, then learn to read in your head...DING!...wingman is still in the phase of reading aloud and hasn't yet mastered the art of reading in your head...
i bet when he does he'll think he's discovered some great trick that only he knows and feel like he's got one over on me but good...
fine by me...
oh, and just in case you were worried, dog the bounty hunter most certainly DOES NOT fit into the just because you can, doesn't mean you should category...not by a LONG shot...so you just don't even need to worry about it, okay?
and just because you can, doesn't mean you should can apply to otherwise intelligent and discerning adults as well...
like sometimes just because you can stop and browse and wonder, doesn't mean you should...
let's say you're the type who does the majority of their shopping at places that jumbles all their random merchandise together...like bras with the power saws and holiday items with automotive and pet products with the cds...better yet if it's a *discount* retailer with any manner of items that rotate on a weekly basis...
hypothetically, let's just say...
and let's just say that you were at one of these establishments to purchase a suitcase for romantic weekend away with your husband...and while browsing the store looking for the section they are displaying the luggage this week you come across the rug/pajama/lingerie (such as it is) section...
and let's just say, hypothetically, you slow up a bit and glance at what is being offered...let's say you are thinking wayyyyyy down deeeeeepppp in your addled brain that you're going on a romantic weekend and though you aren't the type maybe you'll just take a peek at the nightwear...for shits and giggles...
and let's just say you are more than a bit appalled at the ugliness of the pajamas and skimpiness of the "lingerie"...what grown woman would wear this? you might say about the tasmanian devil flannel pajamas...or what grown woman would FIT into this? you might say about the camisole and panty set (if you can even call it THAT! but, i'm just guessing) just about big enough to fit a bratz doll...
so let's just say you are about to turn away and continue your hunt for the OH MY GOD WHAT ENDS UP TO BE THE CUTEST SUITCASE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!! (but, again, i'm just guessing here) when your eye catches a rack next to the bathroom rug/toilet seat cover sets...it's red, it's sexy without being what some creep who didn't advance past the emotional age of twelve who had to go to the prom with the "unfortunate" cousin for lack of anyone else would think was "sexy", and TRA LA looks to be of a NORMAL SIZE!
so let's say you step forward to get a closer look...you feel the lovely fabric...you admire the fact it's cut nicely, but not too *nicely* if you get my hypothetical drift...you get the beginning of an idea, an awful idea...you flip the hanging tag...
you read DELTA BURKE INTIMATES on the tag...
i'm just saying is all.
x.
p.s. for those of you looking for defending your life look no further...i will resume with the humiliation when i can adequately put into words my shameful and embarassing experiences...or until somebody makes me into a reality show...which ever comes first...
but nothing can really replace a standard response that includes a long scarf, tall heels, and a wind machine...you know i'm right about this...
anyhow, just because you can, doesn't mean you should can really be applied anywhere in life...
fashion, dating, having kids, meth...you know, the usual suspects...
if we had the just because you can, doesn't mean you should policy firmly intact pop culture as we know it would be just that much better...there would be no paris hilton and all her attendant wannabes, no coco (ice-t's wife) and no jackass movies...there would be no kevin federline, no leggings, and no parachute pants...there would be no star jones without the weight, and no meredith viera AT ALL...
my god there is so much more but i just don't have the time...
recently i've tried to get my kids to understand this concept...not as a control device, but more as a for a plea for moderation...genetics alone should have them worried...
but, for more recent day to day survival as a child it's also good policy...
for instance, if you are five years old just because you can turn on the light and continue to read calvin and hobbes after your mother turns it off and tucks you in for the night doesn't mean you should...
because it's wrong and because it will irritate your mother that she isn't being listened to...but mostly because due to this defiant action in order to be a good parent your mother has to actually
1. be present and invested enough to care that you have disobeyed her...which is harder than it seems given the lateness of the day, the existence of the couch, the cold drink in hand, and dog the bounty hunter on t.v...
2. be engaged enough to act on said information and actually haul her ass across the house and up the stairs to once again tell you what's what, turn out the light, and get you tucked in...
3. be prepared to again follow up on the first two should they not stick for sake of parental consistency...
dude.
but seriously, if you're gonna do this, kid, then learn to read in your head...DING!...wingman is still in the phase of reading aloud and hasn't yet mastered the art of reading in your head...
i bet when he does he'll think he's discovered some great trick that only he knows and feel like he's got one over on me but good...
fine by me...
oh, and just in case you were worried, dog the bounty hunter most certainly DOES NOT fit into the just because you can, doesn't mean you should category...not by a LONG shot...so you just don't even need to worry about it, okay?
and just because you can, doesn't mean you should can apply to otherwise intelligent and discerning adults as well...
like sometimes just because you can stop and browse and wonder, doesn't mean you should...
let's say you're the type who does the majority of their shopping at places that jumbles all their random merchandise together...like bras with the power saws and holiday items with automotive and pet products with the cds...better yet if it's a *discount* retailer with any manner of items that rotate on a weekly basis...
hypothetically, let's just say...
and let's just say that you were at one of these establishments to purchase a suitcase for romantic weekend away with your husband...and while browsing the store looking for the section they are displaying the luggage this week you come across the rug/pajama/lingerie (such as it is) section...
and let's just say, hypothetically, you slow up a bit and glance at what is being offered...let's say you are thinking wayyyyyy down deeeeeepppp in your addled brain that you're going on a romantic weekend and though you aren't the type maybe you'll just take a peek at the nightwear...for shits and giggles...
and let's just say you are more than a bit appalled at the ugliness of the pajamas and skimpiness of the "lingerie"...what grown woman would wear this? you might say about the tasmanian devil flannel pajamas...or what grown woman would FIT into this? you might say about the camisole and panty set (if you can even call it THAT! but, i'm just guessing) just about big enough to fit a bratz doll...
so let's just say you are about to turn away and continue your hunt for the OH MY GOD WHAT ENDS UP TO BE THE CUTEST SUITCASE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!! (but, again, i'm just guessing here) when your eye catches a rack next to the bathroom rug/toilet seat cover sets...it's red, it's sexy without being what some creep who didn't advance past the emotional age of twelve who had to go to the prom with the "unfortunate" cousin for lack of anyone else would think was "sexy", and TRA LA looks to be of a NORMAL SIZE!
so let's say you step forward to get a closer look...you feel the lovely fabric...you admire the fact it's cut nicely, but not too *nicely* if you get my hypothetical drift...you get the beginning of an idea, an awful idea...you flip the hanging tag...
you read DELTA BURKE INTIMATES on the tag...
i'm just saying is all.
x.
p.s. for those of you looking for defending your life look no further...i will resume with the humiliation when i can adequately put into words my shameful and embarassing experiences...or until somebody makes me into a reality show...which ever comes first...
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
time to get up offa that thing.
hola!
well now that the holidays are over life begins again...what is it about holidays that make the world seem to stop?...because it never does, it just seems to...
and then you come to january 2nd and you're like what the hell just happened?
anyhow, i'm taking this week to get right back into school, get all holiday decorations put away (and i don't mean in their *spot* in the upstairs hallway) and get the big red house squared away for our trip to woodcock pocket...
yep, we are heading to new england for a spell while the goddess mother prepares to bestow upon us another beautiful being...
this time we are staying in our own place and bringing the lord of the ring along for the ride...we are all looking forward to it!
in other news another new year is upon us and there's a sense of renewal coupled with the unsettling notion that time is moving way too fast...
this year the duke turns 10...10!...who knew!...and wingman is growing so fast i can't keep up, and will soon be homeschooling with us...two of them and one of me...seems i really am no good at math because i should have seen that one coming!
my new year's resolution, such as it is, is to try very very very hard to stay in the moment...to let the little things, and some of the big, to pass me by without so much as a glance backward...to put worry away where it can't do any harm, and to just be *here*...
these boybarians are becoming so very big so very fast...and while i don't wish time to stop, per se, i do want to be able to savor the time that does pass...
i'll try...we'll see...it's a goal...
the thing is though that anyone who has ever parented knows what a hard task that is...to be able to switch gears quick enough and deep enough to really get down to the eye level of a child and really really truly listen with patience and willingness to a long drawn out detailed account of whatever is most important to them at the time...
and it's not the content or speaker it's the switching that gets me...okay, well yeah, who really wants to listen for the millionth time to a blow by blow account of a calvin and hobbes comic, or how exactly to get to some level on some computer game i will never in my life understand let alone play...seriously...i can barely listen to other adults talk about interesting stuff...
it's a good thing i don't need to date...
but, i digress.
the thing is, whatever is being said is obviously important to my kids so i try...but i'm just no good at the switch...which kills it at the get-go...i just can't do it...i can't go from listening to a story on the radio to instantaneous tuning in of the kid beside me who has already launched into a story of his own...
i can't go from a train of thought in my head and switch fast enough to catch the train of thought the kid next to me is already on...
i miss half, have to back everyone up, and get impatient because of it...which makes me want to make it end before it has begun...
and this is just when i'm not in the middle of actually trying to accomplish a task...teaching, cleaning, cooking, laundry, the endless search for my glasses, my keys, my purpose...
i have actually said to my kids, "i'm walking" and made the motion for them to follow and talk to the back of me...i've actually said "you've got to walk and talk, i'm moving"...
seriously...it's not pretty...and rarely am i doing anything that is as important as listening to my children...but i can't properly do the switch enough to FULLY stop whatever domestic ritual i'm performing...and so i end up as some kinda cross between alice from the brady bunch and an aaron sorkin character...
i know i need more time alone...i know i need a door that closes...time to think, to write, to *not*...i know i need a million things to be a functioning adult person...which then makes me a better parent...
who doesn't, though?...and how do you get all those things?
i haven't a clue, so i suppose this is the year to figure it out and get my shit together...to attempt at manipulating the ducks into some semblance of a row so everyone (magic word) gets what they need...
it's funny how much time we need to spend and how many things we need to make happen just to be able to fully stop for one minute...
god, i hope it's not just me.
x.
well now that the holidays are over life begins again...what is it about holidays that make the world seem to stop?...because it never does, it just seems to...
and then you come to january 2nd and you're like what the hell just happened?
anyhow, i'm taking this week to get right back into school, get all holiday decorations put away (and i don't mean in their *spot* in the upstairs hallway) and get the big red house squared away for our trip to woodcock pocket...
yep, we are heading to new england for a spell while the goddess mother prepares to bestow upon us another beautiful being...
this time we are staying in our own place and bringing the lord of the ring along for the ride...we are all looking forward to it!
in other news another new year is upon us and there's a sense of renewal coupled with the unsettling notion that time is moving way too fast...
this year the duke turns 10...10!...who knew!...and wingman is growing so fast i can't keep up, and will soon be homeschooling with us...two of them and one of me...seems i really am no good at math because i should have seen that one coming!
my new year's resolution, such as it is, is to try very very very hard to stay in the moment...to let the little things, and some of the big, to pass me by without so much as a glance backward...to put worry away where it can't do any harm, and to just be *here*...
these boybarians are becoming so very big so very fast...and while i don't wish time to stop, per se, i do want to be able to savor the time that does pass...
i'll try...we'll see...it's a goal...
the thing is though that anyone who has ever parented knows what a hard task that is...to be able to switch gears quick enough and deep enough to really get down to the eye level of a child and really really truly listen with patience and willingness to a long drawn out detailed account of whatever is most important to them at the time...
and it's not the content or speaker it's the switching that gets me...okay, well yeah, who really wants to listen for the millionth time to a blow by blow account of a calvin and hobbes comic, or how exactly to get to some level on some computer game i will never in my life understand let alone play...seriously...i can barely listen to other adults talk about interesting stuff...
it's a good thing i don't need to date...
but, i digress.
the thing is, whatever is being said is obviously important to my kids so i try...but i'm just no good at the switch...which kills it at the get-go...i just can't do it...i can't go from listening to a story on the radio to instantaneous tuning in of the kid beside me who has already launched into a story of his own...
i can't go from a train of thought in my head and switch fast enough to catch the train of thought the kid next to me is already on...
i miss half, have to back everyone up, and get impatient because of it...which makes me want to make it end before it has begun...
and this is just when i'm not in the middle of actually trying to accomplish a task...teaching, cleaning, cooking, laundry, the endless search for my glasses, my keys, my purpose...
i have actually said to my kids, "i'm walking" and made the motion for them to follow and talk to the back of me...i've actually said "you've got to walk and talk, i'm moving"...
seriously...it's not pretty...and rarely am i doing anything that is as important as listening to my children...but i can't properly do the switch enough to FULLY stop whatever domestic ritual i'm performing...and so i end up as some kinda cross between alice from the brady bunch and an aaron sorkin character...
i know i need more time alone...i know i need a door that closes...time to think, to write, to *not*...i know i need a million things to be a functioning adult person...which then makes me a better parent...
who doesn't, though?...and how do you get all those things?
i haven't a clue, so i suppose this is the year to figure it out and get my shit together...to attempt at manipulating the ducks into some semblance of a row so everyone (magic word) gets what they need...
it's funny how much time we need to spend and how many things we need to make happen just to be able to fully stop for one minute...
god, i hope it's not just me.
x.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)