without going into great and in the end boring detail, the last two weeks of during the week single parenting have brought the year of during the week single parenting to a head...
in the normal day to day of caring for the boybarians, a hundred year old house, and my own at times grandiose yet fragile psyche i have had to involve the assistance of professionals on the outside...
namely the fire department and the emergency room...
both cases were false alarms...both cases were clearly, as i look back on them, scary and warranted action, but in the end were quote unquote nothing...
which has left me with the wondering of what is the lesson here?...because i am not usually given to "over reacting" in that manner, okay maybe i am...though i don't like the idea that i was "over reacting"...because when you are scared and are the only decision making person around, it's demeaning to label your decision as an "over reaction"...BUT i am NOT given to calling in the cavalry unless really really really needed...which is rare...
but these past two weeks i did...and might i just interject here that i would rather see the sea of hunky firemen in my driveway with understanding and sympathetic faces (one of them even touched me!!! oh joy oh rapturous joy!! who doesn't love a fireman!) than the condescending emergency room doctor who clearly thought i was not only wasting his time but was probably doing it on purpose...he was, and i quote, a dick...
anyhow, it's not rocket science...people need other people around...especially when raising kids...and i don't mean you *need* to be married or have a partner, although isn't it nice when it works that way, i just mean there *needs* to people around...somewhere...
there is safety and a measure of sanity in numbers...well, depends on who makes up the numbers...at the very least there is someone to hold the kid when your arm gets to tired or to pour you a drink and sit with you while you drink it...to tell you you don't need the fire department you just need to do *this* or to sit with one boybarian while you take the other to the hospital in the middle of the night so everyone isn't out in the below freezing weather at all hours of the night...
i know far too many who don't have this on a regular basis...i am lucky that i have it when i do...and please do not mistake this as a complaint against the lord of the ring...because this situation too, shall pass...and above all, because he is a wonderful husband and father...the hardest workin' man in show business...
in the meantime, the new year approaches and i know i must do something differently...more than the usual resolutions of getting in shape, being nicer to parking attendants, trying to get out of pajamas before noon, refraining from making phone calls while drunk...you know, the standard...
no, this year i will add to the list...create a community...that's it...create a community...and i don't know how and it probably won't be easy in the demographic i live in, but i'll try...
i must remember that even though i sometimes feel like it, no man is an island...just so you know, i feel like the island, not the man...i don't like to mess around with quotes just for gender equity...it's just wrong...though i must say i'd like to be an island in that sea of firemen...oh, wait, did i just say that out loud?...
yesterday the lord of the ring and i celebrated the 11th anniversary of our first date...and as he was pulling a 15 hour day in los angeles and i was pulling a 15 hour day here, we have to wait to celebrate it together...
luckily we have all the time in the world...
enjoy your weekend...
x.
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