Tuesday, August 02, 2005

i wanna be sedated so cue the banjos, jimbob...

some days you stop and take a good look around and wonder why it is some charity hasn't just scooped you up and put you on a poster yet...

my doctor is concerned because i have a "fat"neck, i've got two dead cars in my front yard, and wingman's teeth are rotting out of his mouth faster than my "uncle" grant could put away a twelve pack...

i kid you not BOTH of our cars broke down as in DEAD within an HOUR of each other...the doctor is concerned about my "fat" neck and has been running some blood tests to rule out, um, hmmm, the fact that i have a "fat" neck???...

"have you ever noticed your neck seems large?"

"um, no...what do you mean by 'large'?"

"large as in 'fat'...be assured, the rest of you isn't 'fat'...you have some extra weight for the size of your frame, but i don't think it's a problem...yet...but i'm concerned about your neck"

um, what???!!!...unless you *are* "fat", which she says i am *not*, then why would your neck be "fat"???...doesn't that seem curious in that creepy lemony snicket kinda way???...i mean who says this???...and hey, she's also my gynecologist so what's next?...next she's gonna tell me i have a "fat" vagina???...then what in the hell am i gonna do??...

*curious* indeed...

but i digress...

it's wingman i'm most concerned about...my baby...that kid...lately i just want to pick him up hold him and not put him down...turns out he's got major decay on his four front teeth and some bits here and there on three others in the back...

they call it "baby bottle decay"...you know, you leave the kid with milk or juice at bedtime night after night in a bottle and it as they fall asleep the liquid pools and eats away at the front teeth?...
only the little bugger has never had a bottle in his life!...unless there's something he's not telling me...dude, maybe someone's been keeping him in rubber nipples and gatorade...the parents are always the last to know...

seriously it is a very sucky situation...words like "four caps on the front and three in the back" and "sedation" and "general anesthesia" and "sterile field" and "procedure possibly to be done at hospital" and "no parents allowed during" are being tossed around and this mama is having a time dealing with all of that...

wingman is an awesomely daredevilish kinda guy...but the dentist?...it took him two visits to just open his mouth...he's a nervous dental patient to be sure...and he's little...man is he little...so they are concerned for his ability to withstand it all...

and it's not like his dental hygiene has been neglected...i brushed and then he brushed, admittedly only occasionally flossed but floss was introduced!!, no bottle, healthy diet, and dot. dot. dot...

we did everything we were supposed to do and it still happened and i feel sick for wingman...

we go on monday for the consult...and a better idea of the decay...i haven't even mentioned the possibility that the decay is so bad he has to have all four front teeth pulled...let's keep our fingers crossed on that one...

everything happens to him...he's such a great, cool kid and lately everything happens to him...three weeks ago he stepped on a freshly dead rodent in the front yard in bare feet...got bitten by a deer tick two weeks ago (still waiting for the signs and symptoms on that)...and now, well now we get over the next hurdle...

poor kid...first it was the channeling of the big hair butt rock air guitar, and now the OBVIOUS predisposition to bad teeth...everyone says he looks like his father but damned it if everything else doesn't just scream MOM!!!...

at this point the best i can hope for is a swift and positive resolution to his teeth dilemma, more sophisticated channeling of *more importantly* better musical influences in the future, and above all no matter what just a bit of sedation gets kicked down my way in the meantime...

x.

p.s. could y'all keep wingman in your thoughts and prayers? i have a feeling he's gonna need all the vibes he can get...

2 comments:

kkr said...

How's the boy doin? How are you?
Your story cracked me up...but also has me worrying about the little guy...poor wingman!

gojirama said...

You know I'll be sending happy teeth prayers wingman's way...not to mention for you, for the neck thing. Remember-when you've done all you can , genetics can still make the teeth decay, it's not you mama.