kids, fevers, pastry.

having kids is weird.

it very nearly is never how you thought it would be.

before you have kids it's so theoretical...not only that, it's this deep wanting for something that is so fucking hard sometimes it's a wonder that any of us asked for this let alone actively sought it...

the craziest part is you have created this person from the very fiber of your being...the best parts of your soul...and yet despite what they are made of, a child doesn't belong to you anymore than the sun does...

because there comes that point when a child ceases to be *your* child and becomes a member of the family...of the world...of myspace...

i know i've written about this before...it's something i've been thinking about because i'm not so sure how i am going to be with the full transition...i don't know if it's my controlling nature or my mama bear approach to parenting...

but i see my children and the children around me growing up...and frankly it's not sitting too well with me...

i suppose it's a natural response to the world around me...i'm not in the first generation of parents to look around and say "what the fuck? my kid's got to grow up with this?"

i'm looking around at people in the news and in the world and out of their godforsaken gourds and i'm thinking one day these could be my children...or any of the children i know...grown up and untethered...

acting like they haven't come from anyone, anywhere, or anything...

the world is just far too much and far too big sometimes...and way too fast for me...wow, i must be getting old...i certainly sound like i am!

bah...moving right along...

wingman had a 24 hour fever and now he's better...i'm glad for that...

i don't generally treat a fever unless it stays the same without fluctuation for a period of time...mostly it's lots of liquids, laying low, and holding them when the fever is spiking or breaking...

last night wingman had a hard time with the temp fluctuation as he was trying to sleep...and at one point while i was rubbing his head and trying to soothe him the duke had come in without me hearing and was sitting next to wingman's bed holding his hand...just being there...

he's an awfully good person, the duke...i hope this world treats him well...i hope this world can handle him!...

and when we're locked in our parent/child, big guy/little guy, cancer/taurus cycle and i'm pissing him off and he's pissing me off i try to think about times like last night...or the times he says things that seriously only he can come up with...like for instance when we were in woodcock pocket we would go to the king arthur flour bakers store for treats...wingman would always get the brownie...no matter what...

but the duke likes to choose something new each time...he does this with ice cream, too...never gets the same flavor twice...and ordering...he always finds the one thing on the menu he hasn't had...it's usually always the MOST EXPENSIVE item, too...but that's a story for another day...

anyhow, this particular trip in question he chose a napoleon...(incidentally, also the most expensive treat in the case)...so he's eating the napoleon and he says

"you know why i chose this napoleon?"

"no. why"

"because i wanted a treat that would try to dominate me"

it very nearly is never how you thought it would be...and a lot of times it's way way better...

but mostly it just makes you wonder how in the hell you got here.

x.