first class, baby.

so on our way to woodcock pocket little ol' us got to fly first class...the lord of the ring traveled so much last year he enough upgrades...

can i tell you the boybarians are spoiled already...great.

the most interesting part is the look of the other passengers...see, obviously first class boards first...this is because people in first class are so important and special, also it gives their own personal flight attendant time to serve the first round of drinks before the plane has to take off...

and this is the most important part about first class...the free drinks...makes people feel all smug...like they are getting one over on someone...even though by purchasing a first class ticket they've paid an ungodly amount of money for the "free" drinks...apparently, this doesn't enter the equation...

and they ply you with enough alcohol in first class probably so you don't figure this out...

oh, and the warm moist towel, too.

so there we are, first row in first class...and here come the passengers who are sitting in coach...and you know how when you board a plane you go around the corner through first class down the aisle to your seat?

well every passenger juggling their loads of carry-ons and bags of fast food for the long flight who rounded that corner and saw the boybarians kicked back in the wide seats with real glass glasses of refreshing beverages got the SAME EXACT LOOK OF DISGUST ON THEIR FACES.

the look that says i have worked my entire life, worked hard, and here are these two KIDS kicked back in first class and i am having to stand and jostle for the next ten minutes while everyone ahead of me takes all the good overhead bin space and then try and settle into a seat the size of a potty chair...meanwhile these two KIDS have not a care in the world and a refreshing beverage by their side.

what's worse is wingman was wearing his "life is good" shirt...

indeed.

first class is everything they say it is...and more...they practically try to get you drunk and the drinks are GOOD! the meals are complete with real plates and real forks and real knives...real cloth napkins...

when you are done with one service of food, there's always a nicely prepared snack a short time later...fresh cookies and milk...champagne before you land, and anytime you want it before that...

warmed moist towel.

your own bathroom.

at one point the duke was watching his movie player, drinking his beverage that never got below half full and the flight attendant went up and set a bowl of fresh warmed mixed nuts on his tray and once again refilled his drink...

the duke looked up and i swear he said, "of course...thank you"

like "of course i should be being presented with this thoughtful between meal snack because i was beginning to feel peckish and you flight attendant, you are doing your job...the job you were meant to do...the job of serving me"

the whole 6 or 7 hours was like that...well at least i think it was, the flight attendant was just as thoughtful with my drinks and mine were considerably stronger the duke's!

imagine the boybarians' dismay when they learned we were NOT flying first class on the way home!

oh my god what a coupla snobs! especially the duke!

"what! we're not flying first class? we'll still get served food and stuff, right?"

"um, they will definitely offer one beverage service, maybe two, but not food unless you pay for it...and it isn't the same food they have in first class"

"oh, this is just gonna be great!"

he's all sulky a minute then he asks

"will they at least give us a bag of peanuts?"

"i wouldn't count on it"

"why bother going anywhere then!!"

i do believe we are all in for it with that one.

anyhow, it wasn't so bad and the duke survived...i will say though, we were sitting in the row behind first class and the level of service between the two is astonishing...on one hand i'm hearing their flight attendant asking if they want another glass of champagne to go with the chocolate mousse she's prepared while my flight attendant asked me, all wearily, to move my jacket that had fallen a half an inch into the aisle...then hit my arm with the beverage cart...

and i must say this...i am not a small woman myself...and i certainly don't begrudge anyone extra weight wherever they may have it...

BUT there is a reason other than the pervasive and insipid shallowness of american culture that flight attendants are generally rail thin...our flight attendant was a woman i affectionately referred to as "the old battle axe"...

her demeanor and countenance was along the lines of one might find in an advancing middle aged person who is continuing to suffer the ills of extensive injuries received on the many football fields of their youth...

but it was her hips that really did me in...her hips were solid and wider than the aisle...she never once said "coming through" or "excuse me" or made any effort whatsoever to get down the aisle without bashing anyone...consequently, the entire 7 hour flight she was knocking into my arm with her hips!...and it hurt!

and the one time she did turn sideways to get by someone i got the "battleaxe" right in the face.

"why bother going anywhere then" indeed.

but like i mentioned earlier, we made it in once piece across country and back, with all of our 10 pieces of luggage intact, and nary a mitten missing...

and now, now we get kittens for hugging and kissing...

ha! i've begun rhyming in casual speech!

obviously the beginning of the end comes when you least expect it.

x.