recently wingman told me he wanted a bed for his *babies*...so i hauled out a beautiful wooden cradle we have that was handmade for the duke before he was born...
that was NEVER slept in, i might add...who really uses these things?...they are always so beautiful, these cradles and those floaty angelic looking bassinets...sure we know they won't accommodate any baby past the age of three months, but they seem necessary...it seems like a really good start for a baby, having this beautiful bed for them...even those of us who plan to co-sleep from the beginning...always placed just so in the room in anticipation, only to become an expensive catch-all for the requisite shit load of drugstore stuffed animals and slightly creepy looking dolls every kid seems to aquire before their first birthday...
anyway, so i haul out this beautiful handmade wooden cradle and of course it's already stuffed with animals and babies and slightly creepy looking dolls and the like and i drag it into the boys' room...
they both busy themselves getting reacquainted with old friends, and as the duke quickly loses interest, wingman continues rearranging all the babies...
later on i'm tucking the duke in and i step on something...i bend to pick it up
"what's this beer cap doing here?"
"oh, we found it in the cradle"
now somebody has been drinking and this time it's not me...because normally an errant beer cap is par for the course around here...BUT as we never really used the cradle and as it's been stored for more years than wingman's been alive, the whole matter is a bit fishy indeed...
plus, everybody knows when you're struggling with a squirmy baby a can is always easier to manage than a bottle...
i say either the cradle has been drinking or one of the animals have...my money's on the small but very plush and adorable green and white striped pig that rattles...despite his adorableness he was always passed over in favor of other animals...some of them decidedly more inferior in quality and looks...
really, who could blame the guy?...plus as cute as he is, that color green is soooo 90's...ignored and unfashionable...as good a reason to drink as i've ever seen...
though with his shape i'd switch to a lighter beer if i were him...
anyhow, here's some more sage advice from the duke...
"the trick to having a school for orphans is to make it fun!"
don't ask me. i just live here.
and moving right along, today's $1 menu tao
absorption
crimson light through pine shadows.
setting sun settling in the ocean.
night follows the setting sun,
day follows the fleeing moon.
absorption of anything is a process...you don't just absorb and there it stays...it continues on either in flow or in building to another level...
often we divorce ourselves from process of any kind in favor of instant results, or fear, or laziness...
but to enter into process is to absorb it...and that absorption becomes flow within us...and it moves us forward...
nothing worth doing is instant in its rewards or results...and it is the passage of time and steps taken and knowledge gained that bring us to where we need to be...
have a good day,
x.
p.s don't forget tonight starts off the highly anticipated television christmas season with rudolph the red-nosed raindeer at 8 pm on CBS...yes folks, rudolph, clarice, hermey, yukon cornelius and the big ol dentally challenged abominable snowman are back and they've got the lovable burl ives as sam the snowman in tow...NOT TO BE MISSED!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
a not so subtle sign that it just may be time to stop sharing a restroom stall with my 4 year old son...
"hey mama, are those new underwear?"
"um, no"
"huh, well they are nice"
x.
"um, no"
"huh, well they are nice"
x.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
swimming with spiders...
we are back to weeks without the lord of the ring and dealing with a coughy drippy illness that seems to want to settle in and not go away...
and i'm back to having to re-learn fractions in order to teach them to the duke...i'd rather eat sashimi in asia than do this...
after a lengthy math review (damn you summer break!) we are moving beyond the fractions we learned last year and if the duke knew just how few steps ahead i am of him he would be quite nervous to be sure...
in other news i have started to tune in more and more to some little voice that apparently lives in my head that has begun to chant over and over what are you doing with your life? shouldn't you be doing something?
i don't know why it is we listen to little voices in our heads...it should basically follow the whole don't talk to strangers principle...at the very least if you have a voice or voices in your head you should be less concerned about listening to them and more concerned that they exist in the first place...
anyhow, i have these voices and PLENTY of them...when i am sweeping the floor or making dinner or going over irregular plural possesive nouns or when i sit down to read a book or don't clean the living room or watch the mother across the road wait for her son to get on the school bus and then head for work in her suit and heels, briefcase and coffee cup...when i don't leave the house for days and yet don't see any reason to...when i listen to other people describe the stress they are under with a co-worker or work situation or how they can't find enough time in the day to spend with their kids because they have so many other people who need them too...
why does it seem everyone else is doing something except for me?...why do i think this?...because i know what i do is necessary and important, and i feel pretty busy with a full schedule and concerns of completing tasks as much as the next person...is it because i don't have to leave the house and i don't have to wear shoes and i don't get a paycheck to prove that i work?...
i don't feel the need to give y'all a daily schedule, but suffice it to say that i am concerned with job performance and deadlines and finding more time with my kids...i am concerned with getting here and there in a timely manner and the hang-ups and hold-ups that occur along the way...i too dream of one day giving it all up and changing course and doing something entirely different...and believe me there are days my *co-workers* make me postal and wish i worked in a different office...
and yet despite it all, i still have that what are you doing? going on underneath like a news update ticker on the bottom of the screen only the *news* is never updated...it's the same old tired story...what are you doing with your life? shouldn't you be doing something?
i don't know, this is mostly an unfinished conversation with myself...perhaps a bit too *journally* for my tastes...
but i will say this...and perhaps it's not exactly the most popular of opinions in the circle of which i choose to swim, but how i feel about this is not entirely due to how my role is viewed by society...because in the conversation of valuing non-traditional or too-traditional work, society and what society says or wants always comes up...and ultimately is to blame, yet i feel that largely society's view of what is important work and what is *not* (based on title, income, etc.) is a projection of how the workers themselves view their own jobs...what i mean to say in a very boiled down version is that until *i* as a stay at home homeschooling mother can learn to value and honor the work that i do, fully and truly without the niggling guilt and doubt that i *should* be *doing* something, i cannot expect society to...
and believe me, i fully realize what a circular issue this is...
and really, while i wouldn't have it any other way than i do right now, and while i really am not concerned with what society thinks of what i have chosen, i am obviously shaped by it or this conversation with myself wouldn't be happening in the least...
because i too would sure love a Paycheck and a Title and Prestige, something that *proves* i have been somewhere and done something and now i am being rewarded with a *job*...
"look over there, that's sillymortalmama"
"oh, what does she do?"
"she's the queen of prussia...went to school and everything"
"wow...that's a really pretty crown"
and now because i have no more blather with which to continue on with, i will share with you a workplace related story involving me and an associate...
so i'm in the tub taking my bath and wingman comes rushing in all upset and in a panic
"mama! mama! mama! there's a spider in my bowl of grapes!!"
he puts the bowl on the floor and backs away...
"well don't freak out, he's not going to eat them all...hey, don't just leave the bowl there hand it to me"
i'm thinking i'll trap it with the hair rinsing cup and the soap dish and take it outside after my bath...
meanwhile, he nudges the bowl to the tub with his foot and then picks it up with his hands and then gets freaked out and THROWS THE BOWL INTO THE TUB! GRAPES, SPIDER, AND ALL!!!
"oops!...mama, can i have more grapes?"
the office has NOTHING on us...really, we should get a film crew in here...
moving right along i have decided to cease to be amazed that the TAO CONTINUES TO KNOW ALL...
today's $1 menu tao
shaping
(can you see where this might be going...i told you, it's creepy, really)
potter at the wheel.
from centering to finished pot,
form increases as options decrease;
softness goes to hardness.
everything must be shaped...by time or circumstance, by our own selves or those on our path, everything has rough form and must be stretched and turned and shaped...as options decrease, hard forms increase...
all that we are and do come from shaping...it is a continual process...it is the beginning of all and without end...we must take care to recognize and heed our options when they do exist and to accept the hard forms as they come...
and no matter what, there's always more clay...
x.
and i'm back to having to re-learn fractions in order to teach them to the duke...i'd rather eat sashimi in asia than do this...
after a lengthy math review (damn you summer break!) we are moving beyond the fractions we learned last year and if the duke knew just how few steps ahead i am of him he would be quite nervous to be sure...
in other news i have started to tune in more and more to some little voice that apparently lives in my head that has begun to chant over and over what are you doing with your life? shouldn't you be doing something?
i don't know why it is we listen to little voices in our heads...it should basically follow the whole don't talk to strangers principle...at the very least if you have a voice or voices in your head you should be less concerned about listening to them and more concerned that they exist in the first place...
anyhow, i have these voices and PLENTY of them...when i am sweeping the floor or making dinner or going over irregular plural possesive nouns or when i sit down to read a book or don't clean the living room or watch the mother across the road wait for her son to get on the school bus and then head for work in her suit and heels, briefcase and coffee cup...when i don't leave the house for days and yet don't see any reason to...when i listen to other people describe the stress they are under with a co-worker or work situation or how they can't find enough time in the day to spend with their kids because they have so many other people who need them too...
why does it seem everyone else is doing something except for me?...why do i think this?...because i know what i do is necessary and important, and i feel pretty busy with a full schedule and concerns of completing tasks as much as the next person...is it because i don't have to leave the house and i don't have to wear shoes and i don't get a paycheck to prove that i work?...
i don't feel the need to give y'all a daily schedule, but suffice it to say that i am concerned with job performance and deadlines and finding more time with my kids...i am concerned with getting here and there in a timely manner and the hang-ups and hold-ups that occur along the way...i too dream of one day giving it all up and changing course and doing something entirely different...and believe me there are days my *co-workers* make me postal and wish i worked in a different office...
and yet despite it all, i still have that what are you doing? going on underneath like a news update ticker on the bottom of the screen only the *news* is never updated...it's the same old tired story...what are you doing with your life? shouldn't you be doing something?
i don't know, this is mostly an unfinished conversation with myself...perhaps a bit too *journally* for my tastes...
but i will say this...and perhaps it's not exactly the most popular of opinions in the circle of which i choose to swim, but how i feel about this is not entirely due to how my role is viewed by society...because in the conversation of valuing non-traditional or too-traditional work, society and what society says or wants always comes up...and ultimately is to blame, yet i feel that largely society's view of what is important work and what is *not* (based on title, income, etc.) is a projection of how the workers themselves view their own jobs...what i mean to say in a very boiled down version is that until *i* as a stay at home homeschooling mother can learn to value and honor the work that i do, fully and truly without the niggling guilt and doubt that i *should* be *doing* something, i cannot expect society to...
and believe me, i fully realize what a circular issue this is...
and really, while i wouldn't have it any other way than i do right now, and while i really am not concerned with what society thinks of what i have chosen, i am obviously shaped by it or this conversation with myself wouldn't be happening in the least...
because i too would sure love a Paycheck and a Title and Prestige, something that *proves* i have been somewhere and done something and now i am being rewarded with a *job*...
"look over there, that's sillymortalmama"
"oh, what does she do?"
"she's the queen of prussia...went to school and everything"
"wow...that's a really pretty crown"
and now because i have no more blather with which to continue on with, i will share with you a workplace related story involving me and an associate...
so i'm in the tub taking my bath and wingman comes rushing in all upset and in a panic
"mama! mama! mama! there's a spider in my bowl of grapes!!"
he puts the bowl on the floor and backs away...
"well don't freak out, he's not going to eat them all...hey, don't just leave the bowl there hand it to me"
i'm thinking i'll trap it with the hair rinsing cup and the soap dish and take it outside after my bath...
meanwhile, he nudges the bowl to the tub with his foot and then picks it up with his hands and then gets freaked out and THROWS THE BOWL INTO THE TUB! GRAPES, SPIDER, AND ALL!!!
"oops!...mama, can i have more grapes?"
the office has NOTHING on us...really, we should get a film crew in here...
moving right along i have decided to cease to be amazed that the TAO CONTINUES TO KNOW ALL...
today's $1 menu tao
shaping
(can you see where this might be going...i told you, it's creepy, really)
potter at the wheel.
from centering to finished pot,
form increases as options decrease;
softness goes to hardness.
everything must be shaped...by time or circumstance, by our own selves or those on our path, everything has rough form and must be stretched and turned and shaped...as options decrease, hard forms increase...
all that we are and do come from shaping...it is a continual process...it is the beginning of all and without end...we must take care to recognize and heed our options when they do exist and to accept the hard forms as they come...
and no matter what, there's always more clay...
x.
Monday, November 07, 2005
portrait of a marriage...
me: "why do you think it is that we never fight?"
husband: "i guess for me, ultimately it's that i respect your position"
me: "so basically what you're saying is that you're afraid of me"
i've often thought that the lord of the ring deserves a medal for his onging optimism, ultimate understanding, and patience...
but since he's spending the week in sunny southern california in a westin hotel "heavenly bed" and i'm sandwiched between stinky and his even clammier phlegm ridden hacking up a lung brother i think we can call it just about even...
today's $1 menu tao
healing
fire cools.
water seeks its own level.
eventually all extreme situations run their course and balance is restored...healing follows the upset cause by turbulence...it is this process of upset and balance upset and balance that brings movement...movement brings change, change brings healing, and healing brings balance...it is a process, a push and a pull...total balance all the time creates stasis...it is the cause and effect and the push and the pull of destruction and the subsequent healing that brings true balance...
above all, the wise are patient...
hmmm, this is interesting and so timely given the above recent conversation because apparently according to this the lord of the ring and i are doomed to stasis because we don't have enough turbulence...
i say fine by me...he was patient enough to wait it out for the right woman and i was wise enough to notice...
x.
husband: "i guess for me, ultimately it's that i respect your position"
me: "so basically what you're saying is that you're afraid of me"
i've often thought that the lord of the ring deserves a medal for his onging optimism, ultimate understanding, and patience...
but since he's spending the week in sunny southern california in a westin hotel "heavenly bed" and i'm sandwiched between stinky and his even clammier phlegm ridden hacking up a lung brother i think we can call it just about even...
today's $1 menu tao
healing
fire cools.
water seeks its own level.
eventually all extreme situations run their course and balance is restored...healing follows the upset cause by turbulence...it is this process of upset and balance upset and balance that brings movement...movement brings change, change brings healing, and healing brings balance...it is a process, a push and a pull...total balance all the time creates stasis...it is the cause and effect and the push and the pull of destruction and the subsequent healing that brings true balance...
above all, the wise are patient...
hmmm, this is interesting and so timely given the above recent conversation because apparently according to this the lord of the ring and i are doomed to stasis because we don't have enough turbulence...
i say fine by me...he was patient enough to wait it out for the right woman and i was wise enough to notice...
x.
Friday, November 04, 2005
it's friday, it's raining, and it's a wonder i've made it this far this morning...
the following conversation from this morning...
the duke: "mama, can i join the army?"
"you have to be eighteen"
"well, actually, you only need to be seventeen to sign-up"
??? i don't want to know...deep breath
"well, seventeen then...you've got awhile to think about it"
"hey wingman, do you want to join the army with me?"
"no way!"
"what, you want to work in a pizza shop?"
"no, i don't want to work at all"
"so, you're just gonna live on the streets?"
"duh, i'm gonna live here"
great.
and so it begins...every immediate blood relative male in the duke's family has served in some capacity...his father, my father, my husband's father, my father's father...
there is more to say about this, but that conversation is on-going and will unfold...but i will say this, if one or both of my boys wants to join the military i will share my views and my opinions but i will in no way shape or form stand in their way or not support them...it is their decision...
though i must say the rest of the conversation today went like this
"you know, duke, joining the military to serve your country is admirable...but i want you to know too that when you join the military there is the expectation that you will defend your country by force or sacrifice...among other things you will be expected to shoot an enemy and/or be in a position to be shot by an enemy...this does not always happen, but it is a real possibility"
silence.
"also, you will not get to pick and choose your battles...when you are in the military your commanding officers and the president are your bosses...it's up to them the wars we fight...and those wars are not always right or fair...when you choose to serve your country in the military you choose to do as the government says, even if you think it is wrong..."
more silence...then
"well, i'd like to serve my country, but maybe in a different way?"
"there are a lot of ways to serve your country...a lot of strong and important ways"
"i know instead of joining the army i think i'll invent world peace!"
that's my boy.
and on that note a little something from anne lamott:
"when you don't have a clue what's going on, maybe it's better that you not be in charge of a lot of things, which is something i keep meaning to point out to george bush"
which brings us to today's $1 menu tao...which, by the way, i don't write myself, just comment on, and is pre-set for the day...yet they are always so timely...kinda creepy, really...
destruction
mute black night,
sudden fire.
destruction.
now, this is no way to start off the weekend!...but there is a gem here...and it follows the same principal as many of the others...disaster and destruction are part of the fabric of our lives...we can look at them as punishment or opportunity...
we can choose to be mired down in the ashes and flames or we can choose rise above them...
everything is just as it needs to be...it's up to each of us as individuals to move through this world with as much acceptance, grace, humility, and love as we can muster...to change what we can, accept what we can't, and move on...
hey, i do believe that's the $1 menu version of the serenity prayer!...and look, you didn't even have to do all that pesky heavy drinking and join AA to use it!!...
x.
the duke: "mama, can i join the army?"
"you have to be eighteen"
"well, actually, you only need to be seventeen to sign-up"
??? i don't want to know...deep breath
"well, seventeen then...you've got awhile to think about it"
"hey wingman, do you want to join the army with me?"
"no way!"
"what, you want to work in a pizza shop?"
"no, i don't want to work at all"
"so, you're just gonna live on the streets?"
"duh, i'm gonna live here"
great.
and so it begins...every immediate blood relative male in the duke's family has served in some capacity...his father, my father, my husband's father, my father's father...
there is more to say about this, but that conversation is on-going and will unfold...but i will say this, if one or both of my boys wants to join the military i will share my views and my opinions but i will in no way shape or form stand in their way or not support them...it is their decision...
though i must say the rest of the conversation today went like this
"you know, duke, joining the military to serve your country is admirable...but i want you to know too that when you join the military there is the expectation that you will defend your country by force or sacrifice...among other things you will be expected to shoot an enemy and/or be in a position to be shot by an enemy...this does not always happen, but it is a real possibility"
silence.
"also, you will not get to pick and choose your battles...when you are in the military your commanding officers and the president are your bosses...it's up to them the wars we fight...and those wars are not always right or fair...when you choose to serve your country in the military you choose to do as the government says, even if you think it is wrong..."
more silence...then
"well, i'd like to serve my country, but maybe in a different way?"
"there are a lot of ways to serve your country...a lot of strong and important ways"
"i know instead of joining the army i think i'll invent world peace!"
that's my boy.
and on that note a little something from anne lamott:
"when you don't have a clue what's going on, maybe it's better that you not be in charge of a lot of things, which is something i keep meaning to point out to george bush"
which brings us to today's $1 menu tao...which, by the way, i don't write myself, just comment on, and is pre-set for the day...yet they are always so timely...kinda creepy, really...
destruction
mute black night,
sudden fire.
destruction.
now, this is no way to start off the weekend!...but there is a gem here...and it follows the same principal as many of the others...disaster and destruction are part of the fabric of our lives...we can look at them as punishment or opportunity...
we can choose to be mired down in the ashes and flames or we can choose rise above them...
everything is just as it needs to be...it's up to each of us as individuals to move through this world with as much acceptance, grace, humility, and love as we can muster...to change what we can, accept what we can't, and move on...
hey, i do believe that's the $1 menu version of the serenity prayer!...and look, you didn't even have to do all that pesky heavy drinking and join AA to use it!!...
x.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
one more reason NOT to believe everything you hear...
yesterday wingman and i were in the bathroom getting his bottom properly wiped...
by the way, this whole "intelligent design" theory might have more of a chance with me if kids were "designed" to get their own butts properly cleaned WITHOUT MY ASSISTANCE before the age of eight!
anyhow, we are standing there and wingman is talking about his *pee pee* and then he asks
"hey mama, do you have a pee-pee?...oh that's right (OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO MENTION HE CAN PRONOUNCE HIS TH SOUND NOW!) everyone has a pee-pee"
"yep"
"but is your pee-pee like mine?"
"no, girls have a pee-pee that's inside of their body and it's called a vagina...boys have a pee-pee outside of their body and it's called a penis...remember we talked about that?"
"a vagina?...well, i'm just gonna say you have a penis"
"but i don't...i have a vagina"
then he just sighs all wearily like it's all just too much for him then with a dismissive wave of the hand and while leaving the room he says
"but i'm just gonna say my mom has a penis"
whatever's easiest kid...as long as you learn to wipe your own ass you can say whatever you want...
and after that, i could REALLY use today's $1 menu tao
optimism
clearing blue sky,
a promise in bare branches.
in winter, there are sunny days.
in adulthood, childhood can return.
i have never in my life been accused of being optimistic...and usually in my adulthood childhood returns in the form of selfishness and tantrumming...
BUT i recognize that optimism may truly be the one thing that keeps this old rock we call home whirring away...that and hope and faith, which are different ways of experiencing optimism...or innocence, if you are a child...
optimism is just that little shaft of light, or dry patch, or comfy chair in which to rest a minute...optimism suggests that there is always something more, a possibility, a new day, one more chance to make one more first step in this journey of so many...optimism is the successful marriage of heart and soul, brain and body...
now that is what i call intelligent design...
x.
by the way, this whole "intelligent design" theory might have more of a chance with me if kids were "designed" to get their own butts properly cleaned WITHOUT MY ASSISTANCE before the age of eight!
anyhow, we are standing there and wingman is talking about his *pee pee* and then he asks
"hey mama, do you have a pee-pee?...oh that's right (OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO MENTION HE CAN PRONOUNCE HIS TH SOUND NOW!) everyone has a pee-pee"
"yep"
"but is your pee-pee like mine?"
"no, girls have a pee-pee that's inside of their body and it's called a vagina...boys have a pee-pee outside of their body and it's called a penis...remember we talked about that?"
"a vagina?...well, i'm just gonna say you have a penis"
"but i don't...i have a vagina"
then he just sighs all wearily like it's all just too much for him then with a dismissive wave of the hand and while leaving the room he says
"but i'm just gonna say my mom has a penis"
whatever's easiest kid...as long as you learn to wipe your own ass you can say whatever you want...
and after that, i could REALLY use today's $1 menu tao
optimism
clearing blue sky,
a promise in bare branches.
in winter, there are sunny days.
in adulthood, childhood can return.
i have never in my life been accused of being optimistic...and usually in my adulthood childhood returns in the form of selfishness and tantrumming...
BUT i recognize that optimism may truly be the one thing that keeps this old rock we call home whirring away...that and hope and faith, which are different ways of experiencing optimism...or innocence, if you are a child...
optimism is just that little shaft of light, or dry patch, or comfy chair in which to rest a minute...optimism suggests that there is always something more, a possibility, a new day, one more chance to make one more first step in this journey of so many...optimism is the successful marriage of heart and soul, brain and body...
now that is what i call intelligent design...
x.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
dia de los muertos...
today marks the day of the dead, all souls day in mexico...this is the day that people honor those who have died as adults...yesterday was all saints day, honoring angelitos, or those who have died as infants or children...today i think about my grandma and jeni-o and my cat...three who did not know one another in life, but who are tied together by my loving them and missing them...my own triumvirate of loss...
bold and strong and loving each of them were...you couldn't tell any of the three what to do and often they would tell you what's what...even so, there was a regalness and beauty in their strength...
but isn't there something so unmistakably comforting about a strong woman who makes you melt when they hold you close, that strength transformed into softness...especially so when they allow you to do the same for them?...
ahh, wingman's surgery is cancelled because of insurance technicalities and shuffling and arbitrary this and that...i've always said it's not kids or home ownership or careers that make you an adult, rather it's having to deal with insurance companies that marks the passage from adolescence to adulthood...
they just fuck everything up and give you the runaround and MAKE YOU do THEIR JOB...they put you off and deny and put you off and deny and put you off and deny UNTIL you get so damned sick of it you just give up because it's too much damned work and hassle and you need to be somewhere and don't have hours to sit on the phone...
apparently they did not get the memo that says that i don't have anywhere else to be...
hopefully, fingers crossed, we will get to it towards the end of the month...except, it won't be in the hospital like everyone said IT COULD ONLY BE IN, but rather in the dentist's office...which is the only place the insurance company will pay for...
so of course i had some concerns about the switch and ask the billing lady to ask the dentist to call me and OH MY GOD FREAKY PARENT ALERT ON LINE ONE!!
good lord you would have thought i was hysterically shouting incomprehensibly on the phone about "my baby! my baby! my poooor baby!!" the way the dentist called and talked to me!
i just asked about the difference of an in-office rather than hospital procedure...but of course because he's a dentist and i'm just a mom i've gotta get the wary and HIGHLY exasperated don't worry pat on the head...
unless it has not been made clear before, i do not care to be condescended to by anyone...least of all a weasely looking dentist who shares the exact same name with a hapless cartoon character...
it will move along and it will be done...in the meantime i will try my best to remain calm in the face of people who choose to fuck with me because they are greedy and manipulative and turning this country's health care coverage to shit and that's just what they do or people who fuck with me just because of some misguided notion that they think they can because they have chosen to stick their hands into people's mouths for a living which gives them some sort of special distiction and therefore they deserve not to be questioned by concerned parents...
hey, i willingly chose to examine vaginas but you don't see me mincing about like an exasperated go away you bother me i know it all and your questions bore me dick cheney do you?
this is my son and he needs this done and i will behave...it will likely kill me or put me in rehab, but i will behave...
moving right along to wingman's preschool parent conference yesterday...there were many positive glowing things said about him...he's a good and ecstatic learner, well liked by the boys, and all of the girls as well and plays with them too... (which is ironic given the fact he never wanted to go to preschool in first place because he didn't like "gorls")
and i must share something really adorable...
there is a little girl in his class who is two and a half and speaks only chinese at home...because she is quite young and doesn't speak much english she is quite shy...but she LOVES wingman...
and apparently he is very sweet to her and they talk together and when they sit in circle at story time she sits by him and puts her head on his shoulder and twirls his curls between her fingers...
and speaking of hair, i've gotten to the bottom of the all of a sudden wanting his hair cut and then backing out at the last minute issue...
seems there's this in your face mouthy kinda bill o'reilly mini-me kid who hassles wingman about his hair...and yesterday his teacher relayed to me the following conversation that happened at the snack table a few weeks before...
"are you a girl or a boy"
(okay, i have to say this is the SIXTH WEEK OF SCHOOL and about the millionth time he's asked...seems someone's a few cans shy of a six pack)
"i'm a boy"
"boys don't have long hair...you should cut it"
"duh, i have an appointment at the haircut place"
and that's the day he came home and said he wanted to make an appointment to cut his hair...his teacher was impressed he used the word appointment and i was impressed i didn't ask for the name and the address of this little shit so i could teach him a thing or two about gender identity and how it has NOTHING TO DO WITH HAIR LENGTH and basically how to keep his little biased trap shut and quit buggin' my baby so he can eat his snack in peace!...
but, i digress...
because then we go to get his hair cut and right when he walks in he says he doesn't want to...
it could be for any number of reasons...but i'd like to think that he figured out that he didn't have to just 'cuz some mealy mouthed little kid said he should...
plus, who's gettin' all the ladies while a certain someone apparently always seems to end up next to the kid who STILL has to wear pull ups!?!
indeed.
today's $1 menu tao
work
the woodcutter
works in all seasons.
splitting wood is both
action and inaction.
work is necessary...survival of a family depends on the efforts of those who work...and whether that work is inside the home or outside the home, is rewarded with a paycheck or not, or is recognized as a *job* or not recognized at all, work must be done...
but it cannot be done lazily or haphazardly...any job worth doing is worth doing well...and it must be done when it needs doing...and, whether we *like* to do the work or not, there is satisfaction in the going about of a task and seeing it to completion...
and despite all the circumstances surrounding the work that we do, *good* or *bad*, there is infinite satisfaction in knowing that our effort is rewarded in the supporting of our family...
that being said, the lord of the ring is done with his month-long job working from home and is once again commuting to los angeles and back each week...rushing to catch the ferry cab plane cab working till all hours of the night living in a hotel room and eating alone...
this too, shall pass...
x.
bold and strong and loving each of them were...you couldn't tell any of the three what to do and often they would tell you what's what...even so, there was a regalness and beauty in their strength...
but isn't there something so unmistakably comforting about a strong woman who makes you melt when they hold you close, that strength transformed into softness...especially so when they allow you to do the same for them?...
ahh, wingman's surgery is cancelled because of insurance technicalities and shuffling and arbitrary this and that...i've always said it's not kids or home ownership or careers that make you an adult, rather it's having to deal with insurance companies that marks the passage from adolescence to adulthood...
they just fuck everything up and give you the runaround and MAKE YOU do THEIR JOB...they put you off and deny and put you off and deny and put you off and deny UNTIL you get so damned sick of it you just give up because it's too much damned work and hassle and you need to be somewhere and don't have hours to sit on the phone...
apparently they did not get the memo that says that i don't have anywhere else to be...
hopefully, fingers crossed, we will get to it towards the end of the month...except, it won't be in the hospital like everyone said IT COULD ONLY BE IN, but rather in the dentist's office...which is the only place the insurance company will pay for...
so of course i had some concerns about the switch and ask the billing lady to ask the dentist to call me and OH MY GOD FREAKY PARENT ALERT ON LINE ONE!!
good lord you would have thought i was hysterically shouting incomprehensibly on the phone about "my baby! my baby! my poooor baby!!" the way the dentist called and talked to me!
i just asked about the difference of an in-office rather than hospital procedure...but of course because he's a dentist and i'm just a mom i've gotta get the wary and HIGHLY exasperated don't worry pat on the head...
unless it has not been made clear before, i do not care to be condescended to by anyone...least of all a weasely looking dentist who shares the exact same name with a hapless cartoon character...
it will move along and it will be done...in the meantime i will try my best to remain calm in the face of people who choose to fuck with me because they are greedy and manipulative and turning this country's health care coverage to shit and that's just what they do or people who fuck with me just because of some misguided notion that they think they can because they have chosen to stick their hands into people's mouths for a living which gives them some sort of special distiction and therefore they deserve not to be questioned by concerned parents...
hey, i willingly chose to examine vaginas but you don't see me mincing about like an exasperated go away you bother me i know it all and your questions bore me dick cheney do you?
this is my son and he needs this done and i will behave...it will likely kill me or put me in rehab, but i will behave...
moving right along to wingman's preschool parent conference yesterday...there were many positive glowing things said about him...he's a good and ecstatic learner, well liked by the boys, and all of the girls as well and plays with them too... (which is ironic given the fact he never wanted to go to preschool in first place because he didn't like "gorls")
and i must share something really adorable...
there is a little girl in his class who is two and a half and speaks only chinese at home...because she is quite young and doesn't speak much english she is quite shy...but she LOVES wingman...
and apparently he is very sweet to her and they talk together and when they sit in circle at story time she sits by him and puts her head on his shoulder and twirls his curls between her fingers...
and speaking of hair, i've gotten to the bottom of the all of a sudden wanting his hair cut and then backing out at the last minute issue...
seems there's this in your face mouthy kinda bill o'reilly mini-me kid who hassles wingman about his hair...and yesterday his teacher relayed to me the following conversation that happened at the snack table a few weeks before...
"are you a girl or a boy"
(okay, i have to say this is the SIXTH WEEK OF SCHOOL and about the millionth time he's asked...seems someone's a few cans shy of a six pack)
"i'm a boy"
"boys don't have long hair...you should cut it"
"duh, i have an appointment at the haircut place"
and that's the day he came home and said he wanted to make an appointment to cut his hair...his teacher was impressed he used the word appointment and i was impressed i didn't ask for the name and the address of this little shit so i could teach him a thing or two about gender identity and how it has NOTHING TO DO WITH HAIR LENGTH and basically how to keep his little biased trap shut and quit buggin' my baby so he can eat his snack in peace!...
but, i digress...
because then we go to get his hair cut and right when he walks in he says he doesn't want to...
it could be for any number of reasons...but i'd like to think that he figured out that he didn't have to just 'cuz some mealy mouthed little kid said he should...
plus, who's gettin' all the ladies while a certain someone apparently always seems to end up next to the kid who STILL has to wear pull ups!?!
indeed.
today's $1 menu tao
work
the woodcutter
works in all seasons.
splitting wood is both
action and inaction.
work is necessary...survival of a family depends on the efforts of those who work...and whether that work is inside the home or outside the home, is rewarded with a paycheck or not, or is recognized as a *job* or not recognized at all, work must be done...
but it cannot be done lazily or haphazardly...any job worth doing is worth doing well...and it must be done when it needs doing...and, whether we *like* to do the work or not, there is satisfaction in the going about of a task and seeing it to completion...
and despite all the circumstances surrounding the work that we do, *good* or *bad*, there is infinite satisfaction in knowing that our effort is rewarded in the supporting of our family...
that being said, the lord of the ring is done with his month-long job working from home and is once again commuting to los angeles and back each week...rushing to catch the ferry cab plane cab working till all hours of the night living in a hotel room and eating alone...
this too, shall pass...
x.
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