where there's a will there's one worried mama...

wingman needs a will...oh and a durable power of attorney (as opposed to those flimsy ones you can get at wal-mart?)

he is scheduled to have his dental surgery on nov. 4th...they are putting him under which carries with it the risk that he may not come back "up"...hence the need for a copy of his will provided with his hospital intake paperwork...

for someone who just recently learned to wipe his own butt you can imagine he's not been around long enough to acquire much that is of great importance to him...his pooh bear, his baby doll, the odd hot wheel, an old book he carries around the house and "reads" every night in bed with a lot of pages very small print and no pictures titled my india, my america...

and because it's still quite a bit of time away we aren't telling him yet...poor kid...

i am trying not to make too much of this in my mind...trying not to worry, trying to be positive...but i can't help feeling very nervous about the whole thing...i find myself looking at him more, holding him a bit longer for a hug, not minding so much when he climbs into bed with us at night taking all of my pillow and shoving me to the edge of the bed...

i know it's going to be okay...it has to be...it will be...

still, i can't help but feel little cracks in my heart when i find myself thinking about it...because you can always be prepared, do the right things, think positively and things still happen that you don't want to happen...

in this process i am reminded once again and overwhelmingly of the fragility of life...the tenuousness of existence...the fact that since having children my heart is no longer the same size it once was, no longer beating safely and securely deep inside my chest...that my heart no longer beats only for me...

i will try and remain optimistic...have faith and trust the process...

but despite my want to hold him more, i've got to watch the outward manifestations of my fear towards wingman...because it doesn't honor the process, and because apparently i am annoying and unhygenic...

"mama, you are hugging me so tight i can't breeve!...and eeewww your bref SMELLS!!"

x.