your moment(s) of zen.

so the duke has scoliosis. and there's a very real possibility he will end up in a back brace. we go on monday to the orthopedic specialist.

now his posture has been slouchy for some time, but i thought it was just him being slouchy. but he's been going through a huge growth spurt and the slouch morphed. actually, as it turns out, his rib cage is twisted.

we've been waiting for the appointment for a month. and right after we made it i had a chat with the duke about 'embracing' (all pun intended) whatever the diagnoses was. that whatever it is just diving right in and totally accepting it will help him heal all that much faster. that there are all kinds of people with all kinds of issues and problems and illnesses and disabilities. that no one is perfect, the trick is to accept yours, try to heal it if you can, and move forward.

he agreed that that sounded like a good approach because although he wouldn't be thrilled about a brace (other option is it isn't that bad and he can do physical therapy) he would want to do what he could to help himself get over it more quickly.

that was a few weeks ago. as the appointment approaches he is a bit more apprehensive. (and let's face it, i am too. more than i thought i would be, actually.) so last night he said

'i think it would suck to end up in a brace.'

'yeah. i know. but remember, just 'embrace' it right?'

to my delight he chuckled.

'yeah, i mean there's nothing i can do about it. i might as well just be positive. even though i really don't want to start high school in a back brace.'

'who would? but we'll just take what comes. and just keep talking about it if you need to.'

"wait. mama, don't i have an eye exam and a dentist appointment coming up too?'

'yeah.'

'and everyone in our family wears glasses and the old dentist already said i needed braces?'

'yeah.'

a slight look of something indistinguishable and unpleasant came over his face.

'oh my god! so...there's a chance i could start high school in a back brace AND glasses AND braces?'

i opened my mouth and nothing came out. i closed my mouth.

we just looked at each other.

this moment was one of those john hughes movie moments. 'teen discovers true horror. is not amused.'

and then...he just burst out laughing.

jesuschristo.

whew.

and then i started laughing. and then the husband came in and asked us what was so funny.

'papa, i could be starting high school with a back brace AND glasses AND braces!'

and then we all laughed because what else do you do? other than thank god that the boy can rise up laughing. other than not burst into tears right then and there because you love your son so much and are so proud of him. other than wait until bed when everyone else is asleep to cry just a little because you wish his rib cage wasn't twisted.

when the duke of fun was less of an infant and more of a baby he would NOT go to sleep for anything. we finally settled on a routine of one of us walking around and around and around the living room while bouncing him up and down (he HAD to be bounced) and listening to one particular song by the verve over and over and over for an hour and a half every.single.night until he finally passed out.

he weighed 10 1/2 pounds at birth. this was about 6 months in. this was not an easy task. and i would get really tired. and sweaty. but i would walk and bounce and listen to the song. because this is what worked even if i didn't like it. knowing that this phase would end, hoping it was sooner than later. walk and bounce and listen. lather rinse repeat.

that's what i feel like right now. like i'm walking and bouncing and listening. because what i told him is true, lots of people have lots of things wrong with them. worse things. ours in life is to just accept and move forward. but i will tell you what, and i've said this before about other things and i'm saying it now about this thing...i can do that, accept it. walk bounce listen. but i still don't like it. it still doesn't mean i don't feel like there's something i wish i could do to make it different. and maybe i'm making WAY more of this than is necessary (what else is new). but since i don't know what it looks like yet, right now i'm just a mama waiting to exhale.

it is in this spirit that i bring you this installment of your moment(s) of zen. a bitter sweet symphony, this life. indeed.

i'll keep you posted.

x.