f.y.i.

between my being concerned last week about the bag lady in paris who lives in houston (thankfully she and her cat and abode are fine) and suffering this week with a cold i 100% lack the ability to be creative...

or even completely upright for that matter...

x.

hello autumn, goodbye kitty...

the cat passed last night...

in the end she looked so very peaceful, so graceful even, lying there...

and even though i knew it was coming, i am very sad...i took care of her last night and i have to tell the boybarians today...

wingman has been having a rough go of it lately with all the time his father has to spend away...could you all say a little prayer for him as this news will be very hard for him to bear?...he and the cat were very close...

and if you could, another prayer for the lord of the ring...they were together nearly twenty years and he is understandably quite upset...

meanwhile, it is the autumnal equinox today (i follow the witch's calendar that places the solstice and the equinox always on the 21st) enjoy the change of season and embrace the possibilities that transition brings...

x.

feeding the fever of the obviously insane...

the duke has a temperature...

"oh honey, if you're hungry i want you to eat something...what sounds good?"

"sushi"

indeed.

gee, now why didn't i think of that...because when i'm hot and queasy and fatigued there's nothing like a big ol' plate of sushi to set my mouth watering...

bleh.

to update the situation with the cat i think she has peed on her last bed and pillow...unfortunately i am now checking for signs of breathing every hour...the lord of the ring has wishes that she will hang on until he returns home thursday night, but i am not optimistic...

what i wonder is, do i try and put her out of her, well not *misery* really (she's just sleeping all the time and seems comfortable) just her present state of obvious dying?...or do i let her do what cats do?...

i am inclined, unless persuaded otherwise, to let nature take the course it is want to take...

i'll let you know how that all pans out...

regardless, could you all say a little prayer or blessing on the life of our dear cat, kidon?...nearly twenty years is a long life for a cat, yet it seems too soon for her to depart...she really is a wonderful soul, and we will all mourn and miss her dearly...

x.

pretty in gap stretch denim...

it seems that it was only yesterday i was watching andrew mccarthy on the big screen, dreaming and wishing a boy like him would ask me to my prom...or to make out in a filthy damp horse stable...really, i'm not choosy...

as it was, yesterday i was taking kids, my kids!!, to the dentist and to get new shoes...and trying to find pants that fit and that i like, all the while fielding questions as to why *i* won't have *another* wedding...

dude.

anyhow, posting will be short and spotty this week as we adjust to our school schedule and get into autumn's rhythm...

plus it will give me time to try and understand the impending ramifications of the duke's most recent choice for his birthday party theme...

a portuguese catholic monarchy birthday...

dude.

x.

word.

if you can't feed 100 people, then just feed one.
mother theresa

it's friday, it's overcast, and you know you're getting old when...

everything you hear on the radio that's *new* sounds like something you've heard before...

sigh...

it's obviously not a new phenomenon, but one i've only just become to be concerned about...it's a sign of aging...along with grey hairs and unexplained curves, aging doesn't sneak up on you so much as waits patiently until you are mature enough to notice and, if you're lucky, accept it...

i've accepted the grey hairs, and try to accentuate the curves i like, but this music thing has me worried...because while i enjoy a lot of the new music floating about, i feel kinda like a sell out doing so...like a twenty something who says "oh carlos santana, that guy who plays with rob thomas from matchbox20...yeah that's a cool song"

when carlos santana gets reduced to *cool song* you know there just isn't much hope...

in many circles, okay in most, i am decidedly unfashionable and unhip...but i think it's just a survival mechanism...i figure it comes down to astrology...as a cancer i simply cannot keep up with what's in at the moment...whether it be fashion, drinks, or music...

i cannot hitch my wagon to a star only to have it fade the moment we take off...reminds me too much of *dating*, not to mention is just too damned hard on a soul that likes to settle in and get comfortable and a heart that clings on for dear life to whatever comes within its orbit...

like stoveman who says he's tired of getting used to sons-in-laws only to have them be replaced, i can't get used to something only to have it go out of favor for something *better*...

that's why i still wear roughly the same kind of clothes i have for years, drink beer from a can whenever possible, and keep stevie nicks handy...

again, stoveman attributes it to that strong streak of trash that he says runs through me, and while i agree with that assessment (he's just jealous) i also think i've found what i like and i'm sticking with it...

don't get me wrong, i like trying new things as much as, well anyone who possesses a vice-grip heart...

but i tell ya' i cannot get behind precious little glasses filled with some kinda sweet colored liquid...because i am more of a gulper than a sipper and because i need a little more to hang onto...i like the feel of an ice cold long neck bottle and the crush of an empty beer can...and while i worked it the very best i could at the time, it took me weeks to recover from the last time i wore heels...

and really, there is just too much repetition in this world...too much comes back around to get all caught up in what's *in* at this moment...and while i envy those who can and want to keep re-hitching their wagons, i simply cannot do it, nor do i want to...

do what you love, the rest comes...

and this weekend, i wish you all the opportunity to do just that...

carpe cerevisi!!!

x.

for what it's worth, my two cents...

there is a lot i have to say about our nation's latest disaster...the initial one lobbed down by mother nature and the subsequent one created by the failure of every. possible. level. of our nation's government...

but i am afraid i am far too emotional to be clear...and as there are people far more knowledgeable and insightful and politically savvy than i taking part in on-going dialogue, i will spare you my personal opinions in that respect...

but tragedy inspires reflection, and i do want to say this...it's something that i try teach my own sons...

i tell my boys that in this world there is always the potential for heartache, pain, accident, disaster (natural and otherwise)...always...it's a beautiful and wondrous world to be sure, but uncertain as well...situations and people have the capacity to be as wonderful or as cruel as they can be...

so that when they tease and taunt each other, hit and trip one another, exclude and ignore each other that they aren't just being "kids" or "brothers" or "boys"...they are, but they are also just being cruel...

and in a world that can be so very cruel we should create and maintain a safe haven in our own family...

that we must protect and cherish one another...

i emphasize that this must also extend to their friends and family and community...

at the risk of sounding like someone who overdosed on the little white pills, i think that there is an incredible need for more love and community and humanity in this world...starting with our own little corners of the world...

there is a significant shift taking place in the world right now...a shift that could go either way...and if we don't direct this shift, then we will be directed by it...

and the time is now...because while each day brings new possibility, time does run out...

we need to love one another more...we need to cherish and honor one another more...we need to close our mouths and open our hearts to one another more...

we need to be a shelter for one another...

we need to release judgment and embrace possibility...

and as the world's biggest cynic and hypocrite believe me i fully understand the challenges of this...

it's about love and it's about intention...simple in concept, but two of the very hardest for us to grasp and commit to as individuals...even harder to as a global community...

i want to be able to rise to the occasion...whatever the occasion...i want my sons to be able to do so as well...and i would like to think that when the shit hits the fan that there are others that would stand beside and behind me...willingly...that i will be able to lift up those who need it, and inspire others to do the same for me...

and even when it's not a matter of survival as it usually is not, but just of living the day to day, i want to live a life that inspires others to want to seek me out, and me them...a life where the people who matter most to me choose to be together, rather than accepting it as what needs to be done in light of whatever occasion...

but this is not automatic...it is a culmination of every day that we live, the interactions and reactions we have...each day brings to us an opportunity...it's what we do with that opportunity that determines the course of our life, and as our lives pool into one, ultimately the course this world does take...

in every story there are heroes and villains...there are those who rise and those who fail...there are those who make it and those who do not...

but it's the journey that matters most...and if we travel with love and intention, speaking kindly and carrying a big heart, we take great first steps towards shaping and directing the shift and ultimately the outcome...

listen when all of this around us will fall over
i tell you what we're gonna do
you will shelter me my love
and i will shelter you

x.

and so it begins...

wingman started his first year of "out of the house" preschool today...he schooled with us all last year, but because he can successfully poop and pee in the potty by himself, this year he is going to the little school through the woods next door...

apparently no child gets left behind unless they still pee their pants...

i have been joking with him for a few days now that when i drop him off i will stand outside of the door and cry and cry...this actually has eased what slight fear he had a bit...he finds it funny that i would be so sad that he was at school...

this morning he asked me if i was "really" going to stand outside the door and cry...i told him no, that i was "really" just kidding like i told him i was...

then he said

"yeah, because den the udder kids would say 'who is dat crying?...is dat your mom?'...and den i would say (and he does the next part in a spot on valley girl voice...???)...'um, no...dat is like my stepmom' "

and then he laughed and laughed while i poured another shot of whiskey into my coffee and endured visions of him in a few years walking ten feet ahead of me at all times in public places and diving down to the floor of the car whenever we drove past someone he knew...

i know that adolescents act like pre-schoolers at times, okay MOST of the time, but i am new to this pre-schoolers as adolescents thing...i didn't go through it with the duke (god love his nerdy little soul) but it seems i will be going through it with wingman...

guess it's time to fill the flask and lock up the girlie magazines...

x.

meet joe cat...

okay, this is creepy...

for the last few days since we've gotten back from our trip there is this cat hanging around...never seen him before, a stray most likely...out here we get strays from time to time so it's not that unusual...

except that this cat looks exactly like the dying cat!!...exactly...only younger, fitter, and with a tail (she lost hers very early on)...i kid you not, the exact spitting image!...and as our cat is a pure bred and kinda an unusual breed at that, it's even creepier!

our cat has a doppelganger!!

it hangs around all the time...just sitting in the driveway staring at the house, or on the porch staring at the door, or in the bush in the window staring in...

it is so incredibly creepy the way he stares in here, too...i can't tell if he's waiting for her to die or for me to take off my shirt...

shudder...i picked the wrong lifetime to live as a virtually single mother who is afraid of the dark in the middle of nowhere...just me and the boybarians and creepy joe cat...

and i saw that movie...how brad pitt um, *cozies* up to the daughter before he takes her father to the other side/death...uh huh, as creeped out as i am that cat had still better watch his step...

because i'm not sure exactly who he thinks the "daughter" is in this scenario, but it sure as hell is not me and he better not try to convice me otherwise...

and he is for damned sure no brad pitt...

x.

the bitch is back...(sort of)

hello my friends!

man have i missed you all...i am only slightly back until monday...which is back to school for the duke and i so i can't make any promises of a real post...

so here i am...the last two weeks found me in the thick of lil sis's wedding and then a wonderful vacation seeing the absolute best people in the most beautiful places of california...

anyhow, just wanted to touch base and let you know you have not been let off the hook!

and just to let you know what i continue to deal with, vacation or otherwise, i offer you this little nugget regarding the port of oakland...wingman asked

"wow, what's in all those containers, mama!?"

"oh, all kinds of stuff from all over the world"

to which the duke replies

"yeah...like silks...and spices...and hyundais"

there oughta be a law.

looking forward to being back...

x.