the duke's running commentary, riverdance, and tagging...it's been life as usual around here...

the duke is just as verbally prolific as usual, and wingman still thinks i was born yesterday...

while watching the debate last week i left the room for a time to attend to something, and when i came back i remarked on a particularly lame response by president bush...then i said

"and look at his face...with those thin little pursed lips!...who'd trust a thing he says!"

to which the duke responded

"well, he is an old oil man you know"

and went back to coloring his picture of world war two...which included a soldier watering a flower in the middle of battle and another soldier enjoying cotton candy from a concession booth placed conveniently on the battlefield...(which, unfortunately, proved to be a fatal mistake on his part)...

then last night after dinner we were sitting at the table talking about the tree outside our dining room window that until yesterday had quite a bit of ivy hanging from it...the lord of the ring eradicated a great deal of it and discovered in the process that the tree is just as dead as can be...with suckers out the top and ivy growing up it and inside of it...

i was commenting on the tree and it's probable future danger if we should have a big storm when the duke says

"well, it's not really a tree...it's just one big standing nurse log"

and went back to the riverdance/riverstomp (a slightly different take on your traditional riverdance as interpreted by the duke) routine he was perfecting...the scary thing, once again, is how good he was...like a young michael flatly...dear god, can you hear me weeping?...

the thing is, it's not unusual that he actually listens to what we say...or, like all kids repeats what he hears...it's just that he repeats these things in the proper context of the conversation...and apparently can do so quite well even while irish clogging...

(just wanted to mention that aside from the few snarky comments/opinions the lord of the ring and i let slip (for instance while watching a debate), we do not verbally bash anyone in front of the kids...ever...there are several people in this world that truly disgust and scare the lord of the ring and i, but those discussions are saved for when the boybarians are otherwise ensconsed)

in the meantime, wingman has been up to his usual preschooler tricks...every once in awhile i will come across a piece of furniture or a tablecloth, etc. with pen marks on it...wingman swears it isn't him but it's hard to believe him when the marks are a big "w" or "wingman" written very largely and clearly in red ink...

i have to say, however, that his penmanship is quite good...which just proves the theory that mothers of criminals can always still find something good to say about them...

as you can see, you haven't missed much...the boybarians are just a strange and wonderful as usual...and life does truly go on even when you are trying to take a break...

so, hey, nice to see y'all again...

and because i like you i will spare you from the similarities i've been drawing between president bush and the hollow standing nurse log with the suckers out the top that likes to believe it's a tree...

x.

we just want to be free to ride our bikes and not be hassled by the man!

so wingman got a new "big boy" bike and the duke has learned to ride his bike without training wheels...

the weather has been just gorgeous, so needless to say they have been on their bikes as much as they can...they were out in the cold and fog at 6:30 yesterday morning and basically when we are home have only come in to eat since...(well, and to have school...but you'd be amazed at how quickly that goes when the open road is calling you!)...

since my mind has been made up of cobwebs as of late, i have spent a great deal of time sitting on the porch listening to wingman singing his made up songs while he rides his bike, and watching the duke enjoy another rite of passage...

i'll be back when the cobwebs are blown free...

x.

that's the way...of the world...

wow, i completely spaced yesterday's post...must be due to hello anxiety, my old friend...

when anxiety hits, i have learned;

that i shouldn't handle anything breakable...

two cups and a plate bit the dust this time so far...like my hands are greased!...

when anxiety hits and you can't quit the shallow breathing i have learned;

do the dishes by hand...the warm water will soothe you and the scent of the dishwater will remind you of something else...(for some reason it always reminds me of the night before the first day of school...which wasn't always a good thing, but completely distracting nonetheless...it also reminds me of growing up with my father...which is a good thing, and completely distracting as well)...

just as long as the dishes you are doing are unbreakable...

when anxiety hits and your children aren't helping matters i have learned;

play a game...i know a game can be really really annoying under the best of circumstances, but if you pick a game you can tolerate then it will calm you and you might even have fun...

and if you beat the pants off of your seven year old son twice in a row it feels pretty good...even though he's younger than you, too bad...all's fair in fun and TAKE OFF!...

when anxiety hits and you've done all of the above and you still feel as though your insides are connected to a power plant and your breathing hasn't returned to normal i have learned;

drink...really, drink...whatever you have and in moderation...or not...gulllp...burrp...

blah...anxiety is a recurring non-friend of mine...but, we have a deal...don't get too bad and i can deal...

i also learned today that a particularly nasty canker sore is numbed quite nicely by a big old splash of ny-quil on it...

finally...

x.

oh, and if all the above fails...put on earth, wind, and fire...really loud...dance around and sing at the top of your lungs...dear lord if that doesn't do it then perhaps lithium is your next stop...

we're off to see the baby!...the beautiful baby girl!

so we are off to the emerald city to have a visit with that sweet new baby girl...

wingman insists that he is a big brother, not a cousin...i tried to explain, but apparently cousins can only be girls...and since he is not a girl, he is not a cousin...therefore, he is a big brother...

he also insists that the baby's name is fred...

but the highlight of this trip is apparently the knowledge that we will be riding a city bus...this has caused no end of excitement for the boys...a city bus...you'd think i just told them we were going to disneyland...

go figure...

anyhow, off we go, unbridled excitement and all...to ride a city bus and visit wingman's new baby sister named fred...

x.

oh, by the way those donuts didn't happen yesterday...i was right in the middle of the making when i posted (the dough has to chill three hours) and then realized too late that i had the wrong sort of canned pumpkin...big ol' bummer...BUT, tomorrow, tomorrow is the day...i'll let you know how they turn out...

welcome autumn!

autumn brings fresh home-made pumpkin donuts (made by yours truly) and the sweetest brand new baby girl cousin for the boybarians (made by lil' sis)...

equinox blessings,

x.

shiny, creepy people...

so we're at the bakery on saturday morning with jeanbean so she can buy a celebratory donut(peeing in the potty related) for wingman...

now, wingman is a boy with beautiful long curly hair and big blue eyes...well, let me amend that...some days he has beautiful long curly hair...other days that same long curly hair looks like a cross between spicoli from fast times at ridgemont high and nick nolte's mug shot...

despite the fact that he is dressed like a boy and acts very very much like a boy, he is often mistaken for a girl...which doesn't bug me, and sometimes i correct people and sometimes i don't...

so, we are in the bakery and wingman has chosen a chocolate donut the size of his head...and he is eating said donut in a fairly crowded bakery, standing next to jeanbean and i while we doctor our coffees...

i am adding cream to my coffee when i hear this loud screechy creepy voice say

"little girl!...little girl!...can i have a bite of your donut!"

and then the voice does something like a laugh...

i turn around to see this older woman bent down right in wingman's face!...she doesn't seem that old, but it's hard to say because she has long dyed black hair, bright shiny white tennis shoes that i'm pretty sure they stopped making in the late eighties, crisp blue stirrup jeans, and a brand new red sweatshirt...she's like a shiny outdated penny...

"little girl!...little girl!"

i put down the cream to get to wingman but jeanbean beats me to it and says to the woman

"um, little boy...he's a boy"

"that's a boy?...wow, look at that hair!...little boy!...little boy!...can i have a bite of your donut!"

and i kid you not her face is just right up in his!...all cackly laughing and more than creepy...i get to his side and bend down to speak to him and just be by him...

by now, she's moved on to place her order...

i wonder what in the hell it is that possesses people to think it wouldn't creep out a little kid to have someone they have never seen in their entire life be right in their face asking them for their treat!?!...i mean, can someone point out one thing that ISN'T wrong with that?...

i understand that people love little kids...and wingman is especially cherubic at times...but c'mon!...that's just creepy...if you want to interact with a young child it's best not to act like something out of a nightmare...

on another note, auntieEN lives in north carolina...i called on saturday afternoon to check on her because of the weather they were having...our conversation went like this

"hello?"

"hey auntieEN, it's me"

"oh hey girl, what's up?"

"well, i heard on the news that you guys were getting pounded pretty hard...just checking in...how are you?"

"oh, i'm good...there's really nothing going on here...but hey, i can't talk now because i'm just pulling up to the airport and i'm late for my flight"

"oh...well, where are you going?"

"tibet...so i'll call you on a layover or when i get back"

click...

well, then...

call me up on a saturday and i may have to put you off because someone just pooped and i have to deal with it or because the boybarians are being, well themselves...or just maybe you can catch me on my way to target!...

auntieEN is literally the only person i know that i can catch on the way to TIBET!...

sorry, can't talk now I AM ON MY WAY TO TIBET!

oops, gotta run i'm late for MY FLIGHT TO TIBET!

oh, i'd love to chat but it just so happens I AM ON MY WAY TO TIBET!

x.

oh, dear...

the duke of fun just purchased a risk game...

the wicked gleam in his eye is bright enough it could fry an egg on a wet sidewalk...the demonic laugh should appear shortly...

"i'm going for total world domination!"

i do believe that this just may be the beginning of the end...

x.

forecast; continues to be dry...and just may be a genius...

wingman, what a little man...

he is doing so well!...now just goes right in and uses the potty himself...always washes his hands, and judging from the continued dryness of his underwear he has mastered the "shake"...

and i know y'all are dying to know so i'll let the suspense be over...he chose spongebob squarepants underwear...it was touch and go there for awhile...bob the builder seemed to be keeping just a narrow lead on spongebob...but in the end, the squishier of the two bobs won out...

unfortunately the underwear are just a bit too snug...he wears them anyway, but i told him this weekend we'd have to go get him a larger size...to which he said

"good...din ah me ah dit da mean pongebob unnerwewah"

?...apparently there are underwear that have a mean spongebob face on them (i don't know...i'm just the driver and carrier of the wallet)...and just his luck, they are only in the larger sizes...

kids these days...he's not even allowed to watch spongebob!...the duke has seen it maybe three times in his life, and never with wingman around...yet, they love spongebob...go figure...

so today during school the duke was doing some writing and asking me how to spell various words...so then wingman pipes up and asks how do you spell car...so i spelled it out loud for him...AND HE WROTE IT ON HIS PAPER!...

so then he asks how to spell hot wheels...so again, i spelled it slowly out loud for him AND HE WROTE IT ON HIS PAPER!...he did ask me to show him w and l and s as he was writing...but then he showed me his finished effort and it was perfect!...all in a line, all the letters the same size, and a proper amount of space between the words!...

six months ago, at just a little over three years of age this kid barely spoke...and now?...well, i am very proud of him...

i e-mailed the lord of the ring at work to tell him and his response was

That is so COOL. He has obviously been biding his time to find the perfect opportunity to reveal his superior intelligence.

then i wrote

i better hide the debit card...

to which he responded

He's probably smart enough to know we don't have any money.

my boybarians...they really truly are great kids...the absolute best!...the lord of the ring and i are very lucky to have been blessed with the two of them...

x.

chop wood, carry water...

sometimes it's those repetitive and necessary tasks that provide the most welcome for uninterrupted thought...

okay, so i didn't chop wood or carry water today...but before the rain threatened to make each task decidedly grim, i collected wood from the shed to warm the house (oil doesn't get here until tomorrow)...i gathered pears from our tree for a pear custard tart for after dinner...i cut some dahlias the color of the finest merlot and coreopsis the color of perfect summer sunshine for the table...

and as i worked, the boys playing quietly and separately in the yard, i was thinking about something i had read earlier...i am reading about the history of public schools in america and had come across the following sentence...

Some say that Americans are so different that shared civic values are impossible.

and as i worked i thought about this...shared civic values?...are there *any* civic values left in america, let alone *shared* ones?...a decidedly cynical observation, but it seems to me that this country has become so polarized politically, with so much of the population mis-represented or non-represented as a result, that indeed shared civic values are indeed impossible...

but isn't that the beauty of america?...the idea that you just don't have to if you don't want to...but do personal opinion and political preference outweigh our civic duty?...the duty to at least be a contributing member in some fashion to the *greater* good...and what of the idea of "civic duty" let alone "civic values"?...more and more i see people caring less about community in general, and more about personal gain or personal survival...not surprising given the last four years...survival of the fittest has had to become the order of the day...

because it's hard to move ahead enough to pull others up and along with you when a.) because of the last four years (politically and as a result economically) you aren't moving ahead AT ALL, and b.) you can't put faith or trust in anyone offering to help guide the way because they don't know how!...and thanks to the two major political parties that dominate america, you may never find someone with whom you can both trust and elect...

welcome to america...land of opportunity and manufacturer of dreams...in america you can be whatever you want to be...but just remember, if you aren't for A or B (or ABB ;) ) then don't count on representation to support where those dreams may take you...

and how can you really contribute fully to and share civic values with a country that doesn't represent you?...and that is not a wah-wah-wah excuse/whine or a diatribe against country of my birth, because lord knows there is so much more i could be doing toward that end, just a question i pondered while getting the last of the wood into the house as the first drops began to fall...

and as i brought the pears to the kitchen sink for washing i realized that none of these are new ideas...and as with any questions of this nature *answers* are few, and really aren't answers at all...just more questions waiting to be revealed...

and something to think about as i ran down to the mailbox to pick up the mail and get back to the house before the sky opened up and the rain began to fall in ernest...

x.

sillymortalmama strikes again...and a potty tale...

we were all up quite early this morning...mainly to get the lord of the ring to the bus, but the duke was up wayyy before that, and as a result, so was i...

okay, like ten minutes before we had to, but that's TEN MINUTES I COULD HAVE USED!

it's monday, and we're tired...school started off swimmingly enough until we got to grammar...for some reason during our lesson on contractions the duke could not retain the information that the little mark that fills in for missing letters is called an apostrophe...and he already knew that...it's old hat...

so we get to the part where he's reciting back to me how to spell and write a contraction and he keeps forgetting the word "apostrophe"...

i'm getting frustrated and all of a sudden i just burst...

"it's called an apostrophe!"

and then i take the pencil and write the word in big bold letters spelling it out loud as i go, for emphasis...okay, out of pure frustration...but as a result of my totally regressive snit, it was emphasized...

i look at the duke he says okay and we move on...

that's when i noticed i spelled it wrong...apostraphe is what i wrote in big bold letters across the page so um, maturely...

sigh...

did i mention it's monday?...and i got up really really really early?...

on a brighter note, wingman is now peeing in the potty and wearing underwear!...i am thrilled and relieved!...anyone who knows me well as a parent knows that potty training has been one of the biggest "issues" for me...i know *they* always say "well don't worry, nobody ever goes to the prom in diapers!", but it was never of any relief...because when it comes to my boys and their indifference/reticence towards learning to use the potty, i would just think "well hell, by then they'd probably learn to hold it really well so they could get through the prom and just grab a diaper when they got home!"...

so to actually have two boys in underwear and successfully using the potty (well, halfway there anyway) takes a major weight off my shoulders...

he peed in the potty for the first time once on thursday night...refused the underwear and had no more to do with the potty till he went twice on sunday...then this morning when he was getting dressed he said yes to the underwear, has peed twice in the potty, and as of this moment still has dry underwear!...

see, the great thing about being a mom is that you yourself don't really have to accomplish anything!...if you let nature take it's course, milestones will be met and when you announce the completion of said milestones then it appears as if you are doing something...

brilliant, huh?...

actually, i do clean the potty afterwards, and i did have to teach wingman the little shake thing at the end (how do i even know that?), which do count as doing something, but those are far less glamorous "somethings" to be sure...and to announce them to a lot of people would be weird...don't you think?...as if i'm searching for validation for the mundane and obscure tasks i have to perform like oh i don't know FIFTY MILLION TIMES A DAY WITH NO VALIDATION FOR MY EFFORT WHATSOEVER!...WITH NO PAYCHECK! NO 401K! NO LUNCH BREAK! AND FER DAMN SURE NO CHRISTMAS BONUS!...I WANT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BY MYSELF AND WEAR SOMETHING RESEMBLING A PUT TOGETHER OUTFIT AND NOT FEEL AS THOUGH EVERY DAY IS CASUAL FRICKIN' FRIDAY AT SOME TWO-BIT-NOTHING-BETTER-THAN-A-GARAGE-SALE THRIFT STORE!...

anyhow...

with only three pairs of underwear to his name, wingman insists that he will need more and we must pay a visit to target...TODAY!...alright, i can handle that...problem is, the last time we were there they were out of thomas the tank engine underwear, and the only other pack of underwear he was really favoring just happened to be girl's underwear...

sure, they were winnie the pooh, who is basically non-gender specific...BUT, the scalloped lace edges and bow in the front are decidedly gender specific...and while i'm an open minded sort who would actually get him the underwear he picks, i am SO not going to for one reason...years from now when he's lying on the therapist's couch while his childhood is being systematically dissected i plan on having my name come up as LITTLE as possible...

so there you have it...monday with the sillymortals...

i figure i have roughly 5, 475 days of doing this job full time left...give or take a few days...and when i switch to on-call part time, i might think about switching careers, too...maybe something in plastics...

x.

gotta love chuck!

so, we went to a play date today...

yeeeesss! i go to play dates!...

anyhow, another mama i know who homeschools and has a child soooo like the duke it's scary like to get our boys together when we can...mostly because we enjoy eachother's company, but really i suspect to assure ourselves there is indeed at least one other soul in the world who understands just exactly what it's like to live with a child like our respective sons!...

but, it's an hour and fifteen minutes away...i make the most of the distance by visiting the trader joe's near her house...

which brings me to chuck...ahhh, chuck...sip sip...

trader joe's has this wine under the label charles shaw...it used to be 1.99 a bottle (now it's 2.99) and earned the moniker "two buck chuck"...

for the price, it's actually quite good...and no not *ripple good*...better than that...i do have class...well, a bit...

so there you have it, me and chuck...havin' a night...well, and the lord of the ring...because he's the person i most like to spend an evening over cheap wine with...

ah, romance...i have come to find that romance is less atmosphere, and more the person you choose to sit beside you...

and i wouldn't share a three dollar bottle of wine with just anyone...

x.

reading rainbow...

we like to read quite a bit here at the big red house...

i would read all day if i could...the truth is, i'm a book whore...i can and will read anything...and love it (mostly)...

the duke has an affinity for reading both during his hour and a half of daily rest time, and after we read to him at bed time...

the lord of the ring manages to read and enjoy those big huge presidential biographies at the rate of about twice a year (he's so enthusiastic and interested in them, bless his heart...i have NO interest...well, if i needed a quick makeshift set of stairs to exit out of a tall window of a burning building i'd be interested!)...also, he is the go-to parent for series books before bed time...tolkein, harry potter, roald dahl, etc...

he's very very good at reading long chapters in great british accents and being very involved and patient about the whole thing...unlike someone we know, who shall remain nameless, who would rather sit on the couch and drink wine and read her own damned book...and who doesn't *do* british accents...

and wingman, well, wingman loves all books...especially thomas the tank engine stories...unfortunately, he is quite fond of a really long and hideous disney version of winnie the pooh and tigger that i CANNOT STAND!...i have no idea where it came from...and while i simply cannot abide by destroying or throwing away ANY book (well, tom robbins and gabriel garcia marquez have tempted me) the book has mysteriously *disappeared*...

so what are we reading lately...

i am reading three books presently...

little children by tom perrotta...fiction...the jury's still out on this one...it's supposed to be satire about life in the american suburbs, but thus far it falls far short of the mark...wherever that is, because i'm not sure why it is he has these characters in the situations he does...i don't think he knows either...it's thus far just not working, even from a satirical fiction point of view...reminds me of that terrible movie "american beauty"...it does not bode well...

stalking the divine by kristin ohlson...non-fiction...a woman follows the lives of women who have devoted their lives to a religious order call the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration (cloistered nuns)...it is a book that at once examines the level of faith and devotion of the Poor Clares, and the author's own exploration of faith... it is very good...

diary of a french herb garden by geraldene holt...non-fiction...so far, very good...it is the account of a woman who restores an ancient walled garden in a medieval village in southern france...witty and charming...

the duke just finished the first book of a series and has started on the second...

little wolf's book of badness
and
little wolf's diary of daring deeds, both by ian whybrow...a little wolf who is basically good is sent to his uncle's school to learn how to be bad...as in a big bad wolf...apparently it's very amusing if you're seven...

for bedtime the duke and i are just finishing up charlotte's web...of course a great book and a classic...and, i've been told i do a good "wilbur"...

the lord of the ring is currently reading;

the first american; the life and times of benjamin franklin by h.w. brands...all kidding aside, he seems very enthralled with old ben and is constantly remarking on his contribution to our world...

right now i am certain wingman is reading the "children wanted to adopt" listings in the paper as i have not yet prepared his after nap snack...

gotta go!

x.

risky business, indeed...

Dear Sliced Meat Counter Boy,

Things were going along so nicely, why'd you have to ruin it? We were having such a nice chat while you helped the woman ahead of me and I waited. At first I thought you were just being polite, but something in the way you smiled at me got me thinking, "Ho, there, this young fella's flirting with me!"

There you are, chatting me up, and all the while I'm thinking well now, I guess I'm an Interesting Older Woman. I've always wanted to be one of those. What gave me away? Was it my hip and witty repartee, or my slightly disheveled look? A look that says I am world weary, yet intriguing, and what I have seen would rock your world. (really I just didn't shower after working out, but you didn't know that)

And while your lips are moving, yammering on about something or other like you young people do, I'm thinking that if I dropped fifty pounds and found a wind machine this could be "Risky Business" right here in the middle of the grocery store. (you're probably too young to know that movie, but it was Tom Cruise before Nicole and new teeth) I was just feeling the wind in my hair when you said

"Hey, I like those glasses. I wish my mom would get a pair. Oh, here's your turkey, ma'am."

WHAT!?! Back the truck up! Let's just examine what you just said, shall we? Oh, but where to start AS THE WHOLE THING IS JUST WRONG! "my mom?" MY MOM!?! As in "you and my mom are in the same AGE GROUP AND THEREFORE I DON'T THINK OF YOU AS AN INTERESTING OLDER WOMAN BUT RATHER I THINK OF YOU AS JUST OLD", my mom?! Listen young buck, unless your mom had you when she was oh I don't know TWELVE!, then I am pretty certain we are not in the same age group. And as if that wasn't bad enough, you pretty much nailed the coffin shut with the "ma'am."

Well, it's your loss, junior. I'm sticking with the fish counter from now on. Sure the guys there are older than me, but I don't see that as a problem, (you probably think they're goners any day now) and I'm fairly certain that one of them is legally blind, BUT they know how to treat a lady!

Signed,

An Interesting Older Woman Who Is NOT Old Enough To Be Your Mom
(who once attended a halloween party wearing nothing but tights and body paint, so there!)

x.

i gotta be me!...who else could i be?

the other night i was getting the duke tucked in when he asked me about spanking...

this was in reference to a passage he heard from a book on tape...the character mentioned spanking...

so we talked about it...why the lord of the ring and i think it is not the way to discipline in this family...how others feel differently...

then i mentioned that when i was his age, we would get permission slips sent home for our parents to sign to allow the principal of our school to spank us for disobedience at school...(let me just say, what a totally creepy and fucked up concept!)

to which the duke gets a very confused look on his face and asks

"you had parents?"

um, WHAT?!?

"of course...everybody has parents"

"who are your parents?"

again, WHAT?!?

"the bag lady in paris and pops...you know that"

"they were your parents?...like they took care of you?"

at this point i'm beginning to wonder

a) when he started huffing gas
b) maybe homeschooling has sheltered him a little too much

"well, yes"

"but i don't understand, did you all live together?"

"for awhile, yeah...but it just worked out better for the bag lady in paris and pops to live separately"

then the duke mutters

"i don't see how it could have ever worked out in the first place"

indeed...

it's funny, because this is not the first time someone has expressed surprise at the concept of me having actual parents...

i had this friend, weirdrichkid...we were having a discussion and somehow or another the subject of my parents came up...right in the middle of me talking he pipes up with

"wait...it's just so weird to think of you as having parents...i just think of you as, you know, you...that you just are, and that there isn't really anyone responsible for you...like you just hatched"

what do you say to that?...you say nothing because weirdrichkid is paying for you to go to midwifery school at the end of summer and you don't have the check yet...in fact you don't get the check until the last possible moment that includes a detour to denver...as is colorado!... and that you do not notice until it's too late has your estranged husband's last name on it and not yours...

but, i digress...

i suppose it's my, hmm, well...what is it about me that leads people to assume i was the pack of wolves who raised me?...who knows...

but, just for kicks, let's review the facts...my mom tells me my real mother is a bag lady in paris...my dad says he found me and dug me up out of the sand on the beach...one sister got my mom's last name and the other sister got my dad's last name and my last name is made up...

maybe i was hatched, adopted, cloned?...yeah...that's it!...like dolly the sheep!...who needs parents when you've got a petrie dish and a little time?...

who knows?...and frankly, who cares?...if the bag lady in paris and pops want to claim me then so be it...regardless, i am just me...(well, and honestly, as i get older, i am becoming more like the both of them too)...just me...in all the glamour and glory that being me brings...

wow, it's a wonder i don't drink more...

anyhow, what all this really tells me is that i gotta quit talking to the duke, especially when i'm tired...the kid is whacked and stirs up the whacked-ness in me..."you have parents?"...cheeky little bugger, isn't he?...

oh, and just to let you know...i haven't seen or spoken to weirdrichkid for over five years now...not since the duke was a toddler and we lived in san francisco...he showed up one night out of the blue...and ate us out of house and home even though we were dead broke and living on a bag of rice and a few veggies until we got paid...

and used up most of the toilet paper he was in the bathroom so much...

oh, and didn't tell us that he thought he might have contracted tuberculosis right before he came to stay with us...

glamour and glory, i tell ya...

x.

my son, the profiler...

friday night is family movie night...

the duke of fun chose to rent 101 dalmations, the original animated version...he had never seen it before...

so not two minutes after cruella deville shows up in the movie (so far not having really done anything wrong) the duke of fun says

"she should just be sent to jail before it's too late"

my son, the profiler...

sorry to cut it short, but i gotta run...i've been going through closets and de-cluttering like a mad fool...i've got one closet left and i need to keep my momentum going!

x.

death, drugs, and gender bias...and it's not even 7am!

so on the way home this morning out of the clear blue the duke says

"i don't care for cherry popsicles or cherry medicine"

okay, thanks for that totally random information...then he says

"did you know medicine are drugs?"

he recently learned the word drugs...some well meaning public service announcement on t.v. most likely...he asked what they were a few days ago, and we said they are medicine...and that people say don't do drugs because they want kids to know that a parent should be the one to give them to you...

which makes me wonder when he will bust out with the following

"i only do drugs when my parents give them to me"

i can hardly wait...

so we drive a bit more and out of the clear blue wingman says

"i don't like dirrel (girl) shows...oney (only) boy shows"

this always baffles me as his two favorite shows on the entire planet have girls as the main character...

then he says a little more quietly, as if to himself...

"i no like ponies"

and even though he says it quietly it is said with such venom and such force i look back in the mirror...the look on his face is so bitter and scrunched and just plain horrified at the mere thought of ponies...

okay, that's a little disturbing...

which brings us to home, and to the little matter of a dead fish...rocky...he's been a little off the past few days...he's been given to depression before, i just figured he was in a downswing...but, alas, no...well, unless?...naw, how could he have?...

i suspect it was just his time...the lord of the ring flushed him before we left to drop him off at the bus...

but when we got home i had to tell the kids...so i sat them down and with proper reverence and gentleness told them rocky got sick and he died last night...i got the following two responses...the duke pipes up right away

"can we get a new fish!"

then wingman chimes in with a little more enthusiasm than i think the situation warrants and asks

"can i see him!"

my boys, future hospice care workers...

i told them should they feel sad later, come and talk to me...

fat chance...good thing i flushed the old boy or else the duke would probably want to cut it up for a science project and wingman would probably want to feed it to the geriatric hiccuping cat...

so that's my morning...and all before 7 a.m., no less...which is why i am allowing myself the second cup of coffee and wondering why in the hell i haven't gotten the baileys yet...

x.

i guess i'll keep them...

they really aren't all that bad...besides, i went through too too much during pregnancy and labor with the two of them, i'm determined to make sure it was worth my while...

plus, i'm pretty sure there are laws about giving away your children...

and this morning, i happened upon the duke teaching wingman how to play chess...

it was really too precious...and, there was no shouting or throwing of pieces...which is how it would end if it were me he was trying to teach...

we are moving into studying shakespeare and three digit division for school...it should be fun, well, the shakespeare part at least...although i am beginning to not be so math phobic these past weeks...

the duke is really enjoying soccer...he seems a bit sad about missing chess club, but i think it's good that he enjoyed it so much and has it to look forward to after soccer season is over...

which by the way is two nights a week and EVERY SATURDAY FROM HERE UNTIL THANKSGIVING!...i shoulda known...apparently the lord of the ring and i are down two folding chairs and a colorful array of matching sweatshirts...gotta take care of that...dear god...

oh, and i have to be sure to get an extra large thermos for the uh, adult refreshments...no way am i sitting in the cold and wind and rain in my folding chair and matching crew neck sweatshirt without fortification...

okay, maybe just for the afternoon games...although, now that i think about it, i have always been rather fond of baileys and coffee...

oh, and in case you are interested, wingman won the chess game...

x.

free to a good home...will ship...

i am afraid i will have to give the boybarians away...

not only are they annoying me to death today, they are also eating me out of house and home...

i imagine it will only get worse as they get older...

so i figure i'll nip it in the bud right away, and preferably before the lord of the ring gets home and tries to talk me out of it...

oh, and they come with one old cat who i think has, among other fascinating and charming habits, developed a recurring case of the hiccups...

x.

when put into proper perspective, nothing seems shocking...

so last night the lord of the ring and i watched a fascinating documentary on this san francisco hippie drag queen group from the late 60's/early 70's , the cockettes...

it was highly entertaining...a troupe of truly unique and wholly avante garde (for their time) characters...

when it was over, the lord of the ring offered to get wingman quieted back down and to sleep with him to keep him from calling out for me if he woke up...this way, i could get some much needed sleep that maybe even perhaps would pan out to a full night of sleep...

so in sheer anticipation of really sleeping unrousted for as long as possible, i attempted to take the duke down to potty before the time i usually do...

we get to the bathroom and i realize he is fully asleep...i help him over to the toilet and run a little water in the sink thinking that will spur him awake to go pee then we can go to bed...

doesn't work, not only does he not have to pee (too soon after falling asleep) he is irritated and shouting at me, fully asleep mind you, that he does not have to pee and i need to just leave him alone...

i finally get the picture, he's not ready to pee now (which means i'll be up in an hour when he is) so i admit defeat and i say

"fine, let me help you back up to bed"

he shouts at me that he doesn't need help and a few other unintelligible things then, still fully asleep, he walks over to the bathtub, pulls down his pants, and very calmly and nonchalantly as if it is a normal every day occurrence he pees right on the bath mat...

then he says

"good night"

and i'm just standing there and i say back

"good night"

and that's that...like i didn't just get shouted at and then left with a pee soaked bath mat for my trouble...

yet, i am not in the least bit shocked... actually, i was somewhat relieved because i was thinking, well at least he peed...which brings me that much closer to a whole night's rest...

considering what some of those young men from the cockettes were doing whilst cavorting onstage in the name of free theatre and art, peeing on a bath mat doesn't seem so odd...even if it is my bath mat and my child doing the peeing...seems quite pedestrian, really...

well, as long as it doesn't become part of some sort of stage act in the future...

x.

field trippin'...

no school today because thanks to jeanbean we had free tickets to the aquarium...

can sea otters really get any cuter?...i mean, c'mon!...they are so cute it really hurts...one was taking a nap on his back clutching a green frisbee...i think i actually had heart palpatations with that one...the *awwwwww factor* was HIGH!...

and we saw something called a sea dragon, like a sea horse only totally tricked out...all flowy and mystical...the stevie nicks of the sea...absolutely magical and beautiful and amazing...

wingman was enthralled with the jelly fish that kept circling around in a big glass enclosed ring that went over your head and even underneath you...they even had different colored lights that would shine through the jelly fish...definitely rave material...definitely right up wingman's alley...


and if you've never seen a mandarin gobi, then baby y'a'int seen nothin'!...absolutely fabulously colored fish...

but what i really got from the whole trip was this...(other than my boys are like rockets in two different directions!)...i miss the big city...i miss the hustle and bustle and the proximity to cool and wonderful stuff for my boys to see and do...imagine the possibilities for school!...

sure, it's *do-able* as a day trip...but it's a big commitment of time and money to partake of the big city when you're this far out...

sigh...i pitched a penny to the urine smelling fountain on the waterfront and made a wish...i figured it was as good a place as any to let loose a dream...

just yesterday the lord of the ring reminded me how long ago we met in that same big city...in the car on the way to the ferry over i was telling the duke about the different neighborhoods, and reminding him of where he was born and lived...i'm sure in the back of his mind he wonders why it is we lived there, and yet we don't anymore, BUT papa commutes four hours a day back and forth...

i couldn't tell you kid, but if you figure it out could you let us know?...we've been having a bit of trouble with that one...

even wingman saw those big buildings from the ferry and said

"hey lote! (look) stystwapahs! (skyscrapers)"

what does he know from skyscrapers?...the tallest building we have out here is the play-place attached to the mcdonalds...

who knows...we love where we are and it is good to have this space...i get nervous with neighbors so close...

but, i can see a return to the other side of the pond as a eventual necessity, and a really good family move on our parts...it is the city the lord of the ring grew up in...the city we met and began a family in...the roots run deep...

deep enough to feel the pull so many years and miles away...

so i chased after the kids on the top deck of the ferry as it sailed away towards home and made another wish, this time i spread the words to the open water...(well, two wishes...the first being that i wished the boybarians would just take it down a FRIGGIN'! notch!)...(no such luck)

and while i know *home* is wherever the lord of the ring and i make it, i can't help feeling like i'd like to have a spin in the ruby slippers...dorothy may have been seeking an exodus back to kansas...but me?...i think i'd like to make my way back to the emerald city...

x.

porn pops, anyone?

this is what wingman calls a snack that is actually called "smart puffs"...sort of a hippie cheeto kinda thing that has a looooong way to go...

he can't say his s blend words, and uses a p instead...like smart is part, and smell is pell...

which is why i don't understand how they came to be "porn pops"...theoretically they should be "part puffs"...

that kid's been a mystery ever since he arrived...it could have something to do with the fact he came into this world the day bush was inaugurated...who knows...

just so you know how silly and mortal i can get, we have now added more bang for the buck to the "fry your brains out on t.v. fridays"...it seems that was not enough to get the party started...no sir!...one needs sustenance to keep up a continued and faithful vigil for hours on end in front of the t.v...for this, we have added DONUTS!!!...

yes folks, deep fried, jam filled, sugar coated donuts at 6:30 in the morning after we drop the lord of the ring off at the bus...which means a big ole cup of coffee for me...then another when i get home and get on the computer...

so by 7:30 on any given friday we are wired and whoozy (caffeine for me, sugar for the kids) and definitely on our way to what one might correctly describe as a *stupor*...well, and today as of a few minutes ago, porn pops got added to the mix...(which are not sugary or caffeine ridden, but something you aren't gonna find on the breakfast roster in many households)

yup, nothin' but good times here at the big red house...it's like a frat house the morning after...

dionysus would be proud, but WWJT?...(what would jesus think?)

;)

x.

pass the sillymortalmama, please!

just wanted to pop in again today to draw your attention to the little envelope at the bottom of each day's blog by the comments section...

this enables you to pass this blog along via e-mail to whomever you think will get a kick out of it...they will then have continued full access, and will thank you for turning them on to such a wonderful piece of erudite and witty heaven, or never speak to you again for invading their computer(s) with the likes of me...

could go either way...nevertheless, the option is there...

x.

forgive me readers, for i have not slept...well, not as much as i'd like to anyway....

i woke up again last night...two hours this time...but it was somewhat productive in that i wasn't laying there thinking about grim and unfortunate events of my past, but rather about something i had read in my book (the singular pilgrim by rosemary mahoney)...i'll give you the passage...

she is visiting the sea of galilee a few days before christmas and makes the observation that it is a place largely deserted...certainly devoid of fellow pilgrims...

Why weren't seaplanes full of pilgrims landing on the lake? Why weren't they thronging the shore and storming the Church of Peter's Primacy, the way they did the Basilica of Saint Peter in Rome? Some months before, I had waited in a long line to go into Saint Peter's, and when I reached the entrance I was turned away by two men in dark suits because my skirt did not cover my knees. Conveniently, a woman nearby was selling sarongs expressly to solve this problem. I bought one and wrapped it around myself, so that I could go in and stare at the two million tons of polished marble that make up what must be the heaviest building in the world. I saw elaborately carved angels there, and saints and opulent tombs and chapels, but none of it had been proposed by Jesus. Saint Peter's basilica and it's throngs seemed to underscore the way the church itself, charged with representing Christ, actually overshadowed and obscured him.

which brings me to a bumper sticker i recently learned about...something to the effect of

i like jesus...it's his fan club i can do without

indeed...

as i get older i am far more open to the idea that i don't know shit...that life is out there and the smallish piece i have allowed myself is barely enough to sustain me...

there is so much i want to know, seek to feel, have to experience...i don't like the idea of religion but i love the idea of faith...that no matter what, there is something bigger that who i imagine myself to be...ideas that came before and paved the way...that i don't walk alone...and i can choose my faith, and have the faith to be chosen...

these were my thoughts last night as i lay awake...far less random than my previous late night thoughts had been...hopefully this does not signal a change that my body is accepting the idea of my waking each night...that i cannot handle...but there is something comforting in being able to let my mind wander without interruption...and enjoying where it chooses to go...

then i worked on my not very funny terribly un *pc* joke...that is NOT getting any better to be sure...but for some reason i am determined to see it through...the curse of the twisted...

off to fill another bag with crap...and no, that isn't a metaphor but rather what i will actually be doing...that, and thinking about my joke...i wonder if jesus would think it was funny...

x.

oh and by the way you will be happy (or disgusted) to know that in my decluttering of the back closet i came away with FOUR TRASH BAGS FULL OF STUFF!...i'm hooked!

every journey starts with a single step...well, 10,000 to be exact...

so thanks to the generosity of my dear friend jeanbean i've got a pedometer strapped to me...it's supposed to count the steps i take in a day...the goal is 10,000 steps a day on average to maintain weight and health...

they say the average amount a person walks on a daily basis is 3,000 steps...

the problem is this pedometer is at some points giving me twice as many steps as i have taken...does that count?...but hey maybe it's not a mistake...maybe there's just so much strength and energy in my daily stride that each step i take gets double the points!...wow!...i'm amazing!...chocolate cake for dinner and a six pack for desert!...

actually, i think i need a better quality pedometer...

this whole fitness *deal* lately is crazy...you can't go into a grocery store without realizing that every freakin' thing has been de-carbed!...and what about all the rest of what's out there?...you're supposed to count how many steps you take and reduce your daily food intake to points...

at this point i'd need twice as many steps as they say and half as many points as i'm allowed to reduce myself to the girl i used to be...

sounds like a lot of trouble...i think i'd rather exercise and eat a well-balanced, moderate diet...it's kept me healthy thus far, and with no numbers to keep track of it's definitely more enjoyable...

which brings me to my latest adventure in leaving the house...i heard tale of a pair of jeans that are supposed to make you long and lean...to sit at the right place on your waist to hold in the tummy and accentuate the bottom...

so of course i set out on the quest...just to look...perhaps to try on...

so i find these jeans, get an approximation of what may or may not be my size and head to the dressing room...i grab a shirt on the way for good measure...a sporty three-quarter length t-shirt in a wonderful blue...

so i'm getting into the jeans and i notice they are made of a *stretch* material...not like my famous stretchy pants, but rather made of denim...only stretchy...okay, can i say how much i dislike denim stretch?...i mean really dislike them...so by now they are up my body and buttoned on and i can honestly say they do not make me look long or lean...

have i shrunk?...as in am i shorter than i used to be?...because these jeans make me look about as long and lean as a bratwurst...and not one of those long jobbies meant to be eaten with peppers and onions...the kind that are wider than a hot dog, but short enough to fit on a store brand bun...

and they are boot cut...boot cut?...i don't own any boots...which basically makes them bell bottoms...i'm sorry, not the look for me...never was, never will be...i'm not saying i favor a flock of seagull pegged and rolled up leg, but i like my pants to be somewhere near my ankles and not covering my shoes...

at this point i decide to put on the shirt...and realize it's a boatneck...if you are not familiar with the boatneck cut of a shirt let me explain...it makes your neck look as big as a boat...

so i'm standing in the dressing room surveying the results and i am very very sweaty from the effort...the pants do slim the hips and hold everything in a bit more...but by doing so they create that up and over kinda thing...by slimming and holding in, the excess is pushed up and over the waistband...even on the back...i have a fat back?...no, but in these pants i do!...and the shirt just accentuates all the wrong things...sure, the effect of the boatneck does make my boobs look a bit bigger, but in the wrong just sitting there kind of way...and it's tight around the middle where the fleeing flab has found it's freedom...

it's not a good look...and i manage to wriggle out of the whole deal and pass it along to the next poor sucker...

i think the only thing that's going to make me look long and lean or any smaller than i am is a good diet and exercise...no amount of mathematical wizardry or futuristic fabrics in concealing cuts is gonna do it...

i'm just too simple for all of that...you sweat, you eat in moderation...you drink water and be good to yourself...

i have found the last part to be the hardest...the being good to myself...in the past two years i have fallen into a *thing* with my weight...never having been concerned with my weight at all during any part of my teenaged or young adult life, i am making up for it now...after two pregnancies with a 75 pound weight gain apiece, i now have an *issue* with my weight...and i am at times not good to myself about it...

but i'm gonna try...with the new exercise regimen i'm on, and the more moderate eating, i'm doing what i can on the physical realm...but now comes the hard part...the mental...because while it makes for a funny story, i don't like trying on clothes now...i don't like the way i look in the dressing room mirror, and i don't like that the clothes have to be much larger than they used to be...i don't like it, but as much as it does discourage me, i can't afford to buy into that discouragement...it's just too counterproductive...

so for now, i'm gonna continue using this pedometer because i'm curious about how many steps i take in day, and because i want to make sure i'm up and around as much as i should be on a daily basis...and i'll just keep on doing what i have been doing in terms of exercise and eating...

and, i'll measure my true progress not in numbers on jeans or machines or points for beans, but in how i feel...and right now i feel pretty good...not long and lean, yet...just taking steps towards great health and a pair of jeans that don't have to stretch...

right then, off to fill up a bag with clutter!...wish me luck, i'm going through the holiday decoration/party closet...and i still have hats in there from the duke's first birthday!...aack!...

i wonder how many steps it is to the trash can?

x.

it's finally happened...

i am officially a soccer mom...

the duke started soccer yesterday...this is his first try with this, and he is very excited and looking forward to the season...

of course i approach all organized activities that involve other people and their children with some reticence and dread, but i think this will be fun and good for him...

it does mean giving up his chess club as they are on the same night, but hopefully he will be able to resume with chess when the season's over...

the sleeping thing has gotten a bit more under control...a few nights this weekend i slept all night, and last night i was only awake a half an hour between 3:30 and 4...

an improvement to say the least...there is simply nothing worse than being forced to go through a day with little to no sleep...i know why it's such a useful tool for torture...

so, hopefully this will signal a return to the blog...i've missed getting the crap that's in my head out to y'all...it's too crowded in my narrow little brain for what i have the nerve to store in it...

speaking of which, i have GOT TO DE-CLUTTER THIS HOUSE!...

i mean, it's not sanford and son or anything but it is getting close...the thing is, i just don't have the energy...to go through boxes and bags and closets...i think we've discussed this before...the fact that i just have too much stuff...but it has to go...it just does...

i haven't yet come up with a plan (hello procrastination my old friend) but i think it will involve nerves of steel and a box of garbage bags...not only am i not looking forward to doing it, but i have the tendency to keep pure crap...and i am too self-conscious to have someone else help me...so it comes down to me vs. the crap...

man, just thinking about it makes me tired and slightly nauseated...

things have been just going right along here...we are in a kinda rhythm with school, etc...some days i really relish the routine and predictability...other days i wish i was in a more urban environment wherein i could get the kids and leave from my front door just to be out in the hustle and bustle of it all...

for now, i'm just happy enough to have the rest and energy to chat with all of you...

x.

are you sleeping, are you sleeping?

okay, so i've been MIA due to a continued bout of insomnia...

the situation is just too grim...but i will give you the basics...

i wake up at 1 am and don't go back to sleep for one to two hours...on a good night...

that's been happening fairly consistently for the past few months...but starting last friday (the 13th) it's gotten progressively worse...like friday i was awake from 1 am to 3...saturday till 4...and sunday night i got up at 12:55 pm and never made it back to sleep...

well, that's not entirely true...in the very early hours i was in wingman's bed thinking about god knows what, still awake, when i hear the lord of the ring get up for work...so it had to be between 5 and 5:05 am...that's the last i remember when i finally, FINALLY felt my body sink into the mattress and this wonderful rush of relaxation come over me...I FELL ASLEEP...

then i awoke to the following sound coming from the direction of the duke's bed

"unghhh...cccckkkk..."

i sat bolt up in time to find the duke lumbering towards me with a face and hand full of blood!...apparently he awoke with a bloody nose...

so i jump up and get him downstairs...we get to the bathroom and as i am wetting a washcloth and seating him on the toilet i notice the time

5:12 am

good morning!...you have now officially begun your day with a grand total of SEVEN MINUTES OF SLEEP!...

okay, so i was so exhausted i went to bed on monday night and slept all night...but i didn't last night...

and since i had been awake so long the past few nights i had already berated myself for all that is not getting done, re-hashed every mistake i ever made, every person i hurt, every bad idea i ever had that i didn't have anything left...so i started in on worrying about other people's mistakes, problems, issues...

sigh...

i'll figure it out, but in the meantime i am on a temporary hiatus until i do...

oh, and i figure you might be wondering why it is i don't use those hours i am WIDE AWAKE WITH NO HOPE OF EVER SLEEPING AGAIN to actually accomplish something...like say i don't know, blogging?...

i am afraid of the dark...and where the computer is is noooooo place i am going in the middle of the night...in fact, it's very difficult even for me to sit in the living room with every light blazing in the middle of the night...so i lie in bed and think dark thoughts and do a lot of tossing and turning...

oh, and also in case you are wondering, i do try those *go to sleep* tricks...there are a million of them and none of them work...for instance, my mind is wandering too much to focus on *saying good night* to each of my body parts that by the time i get to my stomach i have wandered into a different territory all together...like last night i spent a great deal of time wondering how celebrities get their limos and drivers to come pick them up after a big awards show?...like do they stand in a line?...or just mill about in an unruly crowd?...and when the driver reaches the curb is their name is called?...but what if they are lingering somewhere else and don't hear?...do they have to wait that much longer?...and where do the drivers park?...

and counting sheep is just impossible because if you saw the sheep i have grazing my pastures you certainly wouldn't want them leaping over your head in the middle of the night...and if i do manage to get past my in real life sheep and am able to conjure up imaginary sheep, then i find it necessary to attach personalities to them as they leap over my head...which adds a depth of insanity to the whole process that further insures i will remain awake...

so there you have it...

be good while i'm gone and dream a little dream for me...

x.

friday the 13th!

no black cats (yet) but i did just have the following exchange with wingman while we were sitting on the couch frying our brains on t.v...

"why ah you ah hat (have, like currently) a baby in your tummy?"

"i don't"

"well, it lotes(looks) lite it"

i wish y'all a wonderful friday the 13th, and may your paths remain clear of black cats and mouthy preschoolers...

x.

thank god it's thursday...

first of all, just to mix things up a bit around here, the duke came in to my room at the same ungodly hour this morning and asked

"can wingman watch t.v."

then i heard wingman, who has previously not participated in this pre-dawn fun, ask

"can i have a popsicle?"

good morning...

then, during spelling, wingman and i came back into the room and the duke of fun was doing a kinda of a broadway dance/soft shoe complete with cane (well, he was using his pencil as a cane)

"um, what are you doing"

"dancing like the fish in my book"

and i look down and in his spelling workbook there is indeed and fish with a top hat and a cane next to the scrambled words exercise...

what's scarier is that he was really good at the dancing and was enjoying it quite a bit...sigh, am i going to have to add tap and jazz dance to chess club and stamp collecting?...this kid will never get a date!...

then during math he says

"wow...this sure went easier than that math fiasco from yesterday"

okay...he used the word "fiasco"....which is bad enough...but yesterday i was trying to explain double digit multiplication...he did the problem and when i saw the work and the answer it was really really weird and really wrong...

"what happened here?...where did you get lost"

"i didn't get lost...this is how you showed me to do it"

indeed...i had shown him the WRONG way to do it...a way that could have only sprung from my math phobic brain...a way that took 14x16 and yielded BY MY INSTRUCTION an answer of 1484...which was right BY MY INSTRUCTION, but is in no way close to the actual right answer...which is 224, by the way...

then i spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how i did it so wrong, and the right way to do it...

which is embarrassing...very embarrassing...but we worked through it and figured it out...and considering i try to make it a point to let the duke know that i don't know everything, that nobody does, this ended up being a good lesson in action...embarrassing nonetheless...

but don't worry, his actual math curriculum will be started in september...and no, i didn't come up with it, i am ordering it from a highly respectable company...there is hope yet...

and actually we made good progress on it today...he now knows how to do it the right way, and, um, so do i...

then we get to grammar...wherein we were learning about state of being verbs being used as linking verbs...and the duke said

"hey, we did this the other day"

"when?"

"when you told me about dropping a state of being verb and it sounding like a toddler or how a person just learning a new language sounds"

"i remember that...but we were talking about state of being verbs...and now we are talking about them being used as linking verbs...that's probably why it sounds familiar"

"no mama, it's familiar because we did it already"

then i looked at my book and my paper and the exercise and realized that he was right...i had taught him state of being verbs being used as linking verbs just the few days before...only i had taught them as state of being verbs only...which is okay because they are all the same words being used in two different ways, but which is technically wrong...

then we read some of the canterbury tales and had a discussion about death...and how it is portrayed in movies and literature, and how chaucer portrayed it differently than how you usually see it...

and although it was a very insightful conversation and the duke really did grasp the concept and was able to expand on it, i did think to myself at one point that if anyone asked the duke what he was learning in school there would be a very good chance they'd get the following response

"we learned about death, and that 14x16 is 1484, and that foreigners sound like toddlers!"

all of which makes me glad that our school week ends TODAY!...

one more day and i fear i might just be compelled by the apparently large amount of misinformation in my brain to convince the poor kid that the world is flat!...

apparently i should have made that pilgrimage to finish college...

x.

pilgrim's progress...

when i go to the library my preferred method of choosing books is to go to the new titles and start grabbing...there really is no rhyme or reason, just take a book that catches my eye...and i have had some really great luck this way...some stinkers, too...but when you read as much as i do, even stinkers come in handy...

the book i am reading now came to me in such a manner...called the singular pilgrim by rosemary mahoney...it is an account of the author's exploration and participation in six sacred pilgrimages and the pilgrims who make them...it is very, very good...so far i have been to walsingham, england for the anglican national pilgrimage to the shrine to the virgin mary and to the holy baths and shrine in lourdes, france...

what makes the fact that this book came to me in such a way right now even more interesting is that the duke and i are currently reading chaucer's canterbury tales...a book that is as much about the journey as it is about the people making it...and like the characters in canterbury tales, mahoney encounters many a colorful character on her own journeys...

all this has got me thinking about my own pilgrimage...or rather, if i could make a pilgrimage, where would i go?...what is it that i am called to see?...

and you know what, i don't really know...sure, there are places i've always wanted see...i'd love to go to ireland...and have longed to go to alaska for as long as i can remember...to witness denali, the inside passage, and to sleep under an alaskan moon...

i've also a great interest in visiting more than a few shrines the world over dedicated to the virgin mary and to guadalupe...but even though each of these trips or places would have their own spirit and indeed touch me deeply, i think for me any one of these trips would be less because i felt the need to make a "pilgrimage" there...and more because of deep interest and the desire to see those places...

the dictionary defines pilgrimage as "the journey of a pilgrim...especially one to a shrine or sacred place" ...

well, that does put it into perspective...because even though i would LOVE to travel to a little town in italy i read about awhile ago that has a particularly interesting shrine to the virgin mary, it would be a journey made of interest...and even though the destination is one of religious nature, it still, for me, would not be a pilgrimage...no less moving, but a pilgrimage?...

i think it needs to be even more personal...to touch a place that is so far ingrained that it is of more than just interest...however deep...

because what i consider to be shrines and sacred places have everything to do with my spirit, not interest...that it's less about a *place* and more about where i am *at*...i look to the sacred being all around me...to know that i can honor the sacred and find peace and providence whenever and wherever i need to...

which does not, however, make any less important and necessary the desire to make a journey to honor, worship, meditate, be blessed, or be healed by a particular piece of sacred ground...or by what may rest atop that sacred ground...in whatever form that pilgrimage comes...actually, by that reasoning, i have made a pilgrimage many, many times...

some of my most spiritually rewarding journeys have come in the form of backpacking...especially in the sierra nevadas...oh, it has been a long time...the last time i actually went backpacking was when i was very very newly pregnant with the duke...eight years ago this month, in fact...point reyes...what a beautiful place...

but the sierras...ah, now there is majesty...there is a shrine as sacred as any...i need only to close my eyes and i can feel the slightly damp weight on my back, the distinct crunch of granite under my feet, and the sweet damp smell of a sun-dappled forest...i can transport myself there in an instant...and when i am there it is divine providence...and absolute assurance that my life here on earth means something...that i am truly blessed and truly humbled to just to be able to witness a mountain's majesty...

and i have to say it was never about the destination...while setting a pack down and setting a camp up is sweet reward, it just never matched with the actual journey there...the one foot in front of the other, lost in thought or quiet conversation, movement...

it was my first introduction to a kind of meditation...the idea that even while you are moving you can be still...that kernel of quiet spirit growing and spreading to all points in your body...i suppose it is what they mean when they say "at one with nature"...only i always look at the nature as being me...that the hills and valleys and vast plains of my soul are smoothed and made fluid...that all the parts that make me up begin to work together...there is no opposition, no question...i just am...

and i guess that's the mark of a true pilgrimage...a journey in whatever form that gives one the feeling that they just are...a journey that reveals and/or validates an internal sacred ground...

so i suppose if offered the opportunity to make a pilgrimage i would choose a backpacking trip in the sierras...a pilgrimage made many times before, and one i would be honored to make again...a pilgrimage that is just about the movement, and the possibility that movement brings...a pilgrimage that renews my spirit and nourishes my soul...

and if i can't make it back anytime soon, or ever, that's okay too...because it's just as true as it may be trite, wherever you go there you are...and i am always right where i need to be...

and interestingly yet not so surprisingly enough, the second definition of pilgrimage in the dictionary is "the course of life on earth" ...

indeed...

x.

tuesday is basically monday, only a day later...

there is something funky on my keyboard...and lots of ants have been hanging out by the computer all morning...

i have a feeling that a seven year old boy and a popsicle are behind this...if i could just get my damn pinky from sticking!...somewhere by the "p" and the semicolon key there is stickiness i just can't get at...

today isn't going that much better than yesterday...i think i may have narrowed down the source of the trouble...and it doesn't have anything to do with the day of the week...

i have decided to put a BIG sign over my bed that reads as follows

you are not allowed to wake me up to ask the following

can i play on the computer?
can i watch t.v.?
can i have a treat?

seriously, the duke of fun wakes me up EVERY DAY asking me one or ALL of those!...there is never sugar in the morning, and he knows that there is no t.v. or computer before school!...and yet, like clockwork here he comes at some ungodly hour badgering me for the impossible...i am beginning to think that the all night back and forth between wingman's bed and my own, and the early morning pleas from the duke may simply make it impossible to start the day off on the right foot...

and to think, word on the street is that one day i'm actually going to miss them after they've moved out...

thank goodness school continues to go well...wingman is writing his name and is enjoying being at the table with us...i am enjoying his progress and seeing the benefits of our work...

the duke continues to insist that even when you are just being, you are still doing...i think the point has been made as best it can, and we are now moving on to *linking* verbs...i can't wait to see what my little philosopher has to say about the fact that you can use *state of being* verbs as *linking* verbs!...i'm definately gonna need better sleep and stronger coffee for that lesson...

it's been hot here so we've been hanging outside by the blowup pool and trying to stay cool...which basically translates to me screaming at the duke every time he *accidentally* splashes a fully clothed wingman(who just simply will not get in the pool), and explaining for the millionth time to wingman what sunscreen does and why it is absolutely necessary even though he doesn't like it...

apparently he would very much like a sunscreen that smells like oranges...

at least he didn't suggest he would very much like a sunscreen that smells like "boobies"...don't ask...

as a result of the heat, it is distinctly unfavorable weather for exercising...which is fine because it's too damned hot to eat anyway!...and besides, i can only work on achieving "high round assets" a few days a week...any more than that and i fear i will pull something i may actually rely on for mobility...

so off i go to a waiting popsicle and a blow up pool...

no, it isn't a glamorous life, but it's mine...and you certainly can't beat it for entertainment value...

x.

the particular charm of a monday morning...

i don't know if it's just because it's monday, but by the time i had been up for an hour i had;

stepped in a very squishy pile of cat throw-up
changed an equally squishy diaper
lanced, drained, and cleaned the duke's infected toe

then i broke up a fight, cajoled unwilling limbs and uncooperative offspring into clothing, and began the school day...which consisted of many things including spending twenty minutes trying to figure out how to help the duke multiply 3/4 by 18 and then trying to explain a "state of being verb"...

and yes, we had another of our quickly becoming infamous grammar discussions...because after explaining what a state of being verb is, i thought it was actually going well until the duke said

"but even if you are just sitting, you are still sitting...you aren't just being...doing nothing"

"um, yeah, but...hmm...okay, maybe this will help...here is an example sentence...pick out the state of being verb"

so then i read

"The boy is."

"how is that a sentence?"

indeed...

i finally explained it in the following manner, going over what i already had, and adding in what i thought might spark it for him...(just in case the rest of y'all need to know...lord knows i do!)

"the state of being verbs include am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been...and rather than show an action, they show that you just are"

to which i add, very quickly before he jumps in with another one of his philosophical arguments on the matter, the following information

"state of being verbs are most often *dropped* by toddlers and those just learning a new language"

then i give the following examples

"i tired"

"she sad"

"we go to grandma's"

"you willing to act as a witness?"

"it not mine...i just holding it for a friend"

then i explain

"they all sound kinda funny, huh?...but if i add the state of being verbs, then they sound "right" and they make a complete sentence...and show how somebody is rather than what they are doing...their state rather than their action...i am tired...she is sad...we are going to grandma's...are you willing to act as a witness?...it is not mine...i am just holding it for a friend..."

okay okay okay, i added the last two for your benefit, dear readers... but you get the picture...and don't tell me if my explanation isn't exactly spot on because by the time we were done the duke had gotten it, and my "state of being" could be described with a few choice adjectives...

and we won't be repeating the lesson...because the duke really did get it and has been checking wingman's speech for missing state of being verbs ever since...

so it's nearly two and i'm waiting for the day to show me a little improvement...to show me the love, as it were...

but, (or should i say "butt") unfortunately it's time to exercise...and on this day's docket of pain in muscles that i didn't know existed and shameful attempts at fitness while wingman and the duke watch with undisguised hilarity, i am scheduled for a lovely little tape called "high, round assets"...i kid you not...that's the real name...

alas, i am off to see if the advertising is true...wish me and my southbound, squishy assets good luck...

but i will leave you with the following...

E disposto a far da testimone?

that's "are you willing to act as a witness" in italian...just in case...

but if you get caught "holding" for a friend, i doubt knowing the proper phrase is gonna help you all that much...and i bet they wouldn't give a rat's ass if you dropped your state of being verb...

i going now...you good while i gone...

x.

oh lil' sis's baby shower was just lovely...she is radiant and glowing and lives in a recently purchased and very beautiful home that is just filled to the brim at once with inspired color, calm and zen like charm, and lots and lots of love...she is truly blessed and deserves every bit of it...

catering by sillymortalmama...

this friday finds me busily preparing for the baby shower i am hosting for lil' sis tomorrow...

and after much thought on the matter i have decided to abandon the classic bundt cake frosted pink with a plastic baby doll head stuck in the center to mimic a baby coming through the cervix...

sigh...so many good ideas, so few places to use them...so i'm off to find another dessert to fill the spot...

y'all be good while i'm gone...and remember to keep that nickel 'tween your knees lest you find yourself in need of a baby shower catered by me...you just never know what you'll get...

x.

life around here...

is just downright odd sometimes...and sometimes it's just downright normal...

depends on the day...

today is just a normal day...i think...i'll let you know how it all pans out...so far, the 100 year old neighbor came to ask me to pick up his mail, then came back under the auspices of bringing me something from his wife's garden, but judging from the look on his face and where his eyes traveled, he was probably over again just to check to see if i put on a bra yet...and much to his delight, i'm sure, i had not...

oh, and wingman said my feet smell like brownies...

we have completed the first week of a brand new school year...

wingman can almost write his whole name and i have a science experiment involving the intentional growing of mold in my kitchen cabinet...

the duke has informed me he would like to learn how to fence and collect stamps...this along with homeschooling and chess club should make him an instant hit with the ladies...

on the heels of a "how lucky are we" evening with the lord of the ring, i have to say i am lucky...

lucky in my life in so many ways, but especially lucky to be doing what i want...and, despite the shrieking you may hear when calling my house, being home with these boys is just about the best...it really is...

sure, i complain and gritch...who wouldn't! (plus there's way more comedic value in complaining than gushing)...but in all honesty, i wouldn't have it any other way...

it's funny, by taking on the added responsibility and time commitment that attachment parenting and homeschooling and the like brings, i have actually freed up myself...no longer do i have this anxiety about *what i'm doing* or *where i'm at*...because i'm doing it...and i'm enjoying it...well, hell, i could do without the constant housework!...but you get the idea...

and it's not an excuse not to be in the *real world* (will someone PLEASE tell me what that is!)...it's just a conscious decision to be here...and to enjoy what the day brings...

bah, this is becoming more *journal entry* than i would like so i will cut it short...well, shorter...

but before i go i will leave you with this little tidbit on just how good life around here is...

yesterday for our anniversary, the lord of the ring came home with this ridiculously awful card for me...i mean big and pinky purple ribbony violins dressed in bows awful...and if you only knew what the golden words so artfully scripted throughout said!...it's the kind of card you call friends just to read it aloud to!...really, that bad...

and we are laughing at the card and the lord of the ring explains that all the cards to choose from were really really bad...so what does he do?...

"i figured i would choose the worst of the lot...because i knew you would like it the best"

and there you have it...it is very simple, but speaks volumes...to have someone beside you who knows you so well, who knows that it truly is the little things, then what more could you want?...a couple of healthy kids, some good friends, family...what more could you possibly want???...

the lord of the ring standing in a store and deliberately choosing that card for me based only on it's horribleness and the happiness that horribleness would bring me, is a far bigger statement of his love for me and a far better present than anything else he could have brought me...because more than a present, that card was a gift...

the gift of true love...the gift of knowing that yea, this is it...who i truly am is truly known and *gotten* by another...that the leap made so long ago wasn't such a leap...that we knew it all along...

so, dear readers, on this day i wish for you all the best...may your love be true and your endings be happy...and if it just isn't happening, move on and make up the ending yourself...

because when push comes to shove, the horse lying more lifeless than before, and hell starts freezing over just about the time the camel takes a dive, all the shit that can and does happen between first kisses and last rites, all you've really got is you...and if you don't love yourself and better yet, like yourself, then it's all for naught...

trust me on this...i've been to hell in a handbasket more times than i care to think about...and the only reason this trip is so fabulous, no hot spots in sight, is because i finally learned that a pilgrimage doesn't have to have a destination, only intent...and that you may not know where you are going until you get there...and that's okay...sometimes even preferable...

and, after all these years i have finally learned how to choose my traveling companions...and realized that in the end, half the journey was in learning how to travel with myself...

x.

happy anniversary baby, i got you on my mind!

i'll admit it, i did used to quite enjoy the little river band...

but i digress...

happy anniversary to my fabulous and wonderful and amazing husband!

today the lord of the ring and i mark yet another year in this continuing journey we call marriage...

older and wiser we have become, and yet no less in love...actually, more so each day...

i owe it all to the fact that we continue to be friends, continue to communicate, and out of sheer necessity as we need to band together in the face of the boybarians!...no easy feat, you must understand...

the fact that the lord of the ring is such an amazing man has much to do with it as well...

in fact, this morning while pawing through papers to find something for the duke i came across this

august 1998

blessed is the lord of the ring, do-er of deeds
dad of all trades
my love
i am blessed with this man
i am blessed with this love

and on the same page i also wrote

like he says: if it is, it is...if it's not, thank god!

a motto i daresay has carried us farther than we could have possibly dreamed!...

i am amazed by my husband's optimism and willingness to put it all out there...to keep going even when others would have stopped...i am amazed by what he has accomplished and what he will continue to accomplish in the future...i am amazed he so good naturedly goes along with finding himself, more often than not, at the short end of my schtick...

i am so grateful that he has always encouraged me to be myself, and to do what i need...that he is so giving has allowed me to explore my needs and my wants and my options and has played a huge part in my becoming the person i always wanted to be...

he has made a rocky road more level and rewarding than i could ever imagine...and he has supported me every step of the way...with a strong and steady hand and a willing and loving heart...

but honestly, i am not at all amazed that we ended up together and continue to be happy...not one bit...

even though once upon a time he dumped me and took a horrible and truly undeserving woman (who was given to wearing heels leopard print catsuits, i might add) on an all expense paid trip to europe...

but again, i digress...

i love you my fabulous husband...i am honored and humbled by our connection...i am blessed by our many years together...and i look forward to all of the years to come...

x.

peanut butter and honey sandwiches; the new gateway drug?

last friday around lunch time i asked wingman if he would like to make his own peanut butter and honey sandwich...

he has done this before when the duke was making a sandwich...so he can do it...it's not a pretty sandwich, but it is edible, and he does know enough to keep the honey knife out of the peanut butter and the peanut butter knife out of the honey...

so i get out the bread and the two butter knives and the plates and the peanut butter and the honey...i call to the duke to come and make a sandwich if he wants one...

then i tell wingman to call if he needs me, i'll just be in the next room...

now, i can count on them both making a sandwich, and then most likely making another...most likely, i suspect, just for the pure pleasure of making a sandwich...occasionally they will want to make one for me, or the duke will make his famous triple decker honey sandwich...but that's as wild as it gets...

so awhile later, wingman comes wandering into the livingroom...he stops right in front of me and says

"my bewy hurts...i ate too many pbutter an honey samwiches and dwank too much water"

"oh, that's terrible honey...here, why don't you sit here on the couch with a book until your belly stops hurting"

"otay"

so he grabs his book and settles on the couch...i go out to clean up the sandwich stuff and when i grab the bread bag i notice that HALF OF THE LOAF IS GONE!...

this was a brand new loaf of bread and they ate half of it!!!...now my children love to eat, and wingman is a consummate grazer, but half a loaf!?!...then i thought maybe they had just been sloppy and dropped some on the floor...but right then i noticed there was a pile of crusts on the plate, and realized that a fair amount of sandwiches had been made and that same amount had indeed been eaten...

i go into the livingroom to ask wingman exactly how many sandwiches he had eaten, but there he was passed out!...in about three minutes he was sound asleep and drooling...

the duke was on the computer which means of course he wouldn't be able to hear me ask a question even if i put a bull horn to his ear and shouted...

and in the usual falderol of friday i dropped the matter...

so i waited until the next morning at breakfast to bring it up...

"hey guys, exactly how many peanut butter and honey sandwiches did you eat yesterday?"

the duke answers

"i only had two"

hmm...if the duke had two then wingman must have had the rest!...so i ask wingman

"how many peanut butter and honey sandwiches did you have?"

"too many"

and he says this with a weary, knowing air...like someone who has seen the darker side of overindulgence and is happy to have made it back...

no wonder he passed out after eating the day before!...with as much bread as he must've consumed, i would have passed out too!...and then to add all that water on top of it!...ugg...

later that afternoon wingman and i went to a birthday party of a little friend of his...for party food before the cake and ice cream extravaganza there was a fruit platter and assorted cold cuts and cheeses with rolls and condiments and the like...

so we are surveying our choices and i ask wingman if he wants some of the fruit and a few pieces of cheese and meat...he looks at his choices and then he looks at me and asks

"can i have a pbutter an honey samwich?"

my little robert downey jr...

sigh...some people just never learn...

x.

learning 101...

so we started school today...and for the most part, it went fairly smoothly...

the duke did not in fact lose all knowledge gained last year, and wingman for the most part was no trouble...he practiced his "h's", we sang itsy bitsy spider and did some counting...then he started making a very high pitched and annoying sound which quickly got him dispatched to the television...

there were a couple of parts of the day that gave me pause, however...

the first was in math...the duke was doing some word problems involving three digit numbers...he was to show his work then transfer the answer to the worksheet...i was checking his work and it all looked good until i got to the last problem...which was right, but did not have any *work* to show for it...

"um, you got this last one right, but where is the work you did for it?"

"well, i started to do it, then realized that i was using the wrong number to subtract from...so i crossed out the problem and started over"

i looked at the work page and saw that indeed he had started the problem, and then crossed it out...

"well, i see that...but i don't see any work for the problem...how did you get the answer?"

i am actually not as perplexed as i seemed...unfortunately given my cynical nature, my brain was thinking *calculator*...i mean the duke is not a cheater, and in fact the calculator was nowhere to be seen, but still?...those numbers were big!...and if he didn't do the problem, how did he get the answer?...figure it out in his head?...right...

"i figured it out in my head"

oh...hmm...still *checking* i ask

"well, how did you do that?"

he looks at me like i am as dumb as a post...(quickly becoming a staple around here i might add)

"i just looked at the numbers and subtracted them in my head"

"but why?...why didn't you work it out on the page?"

by now he is eyeing me with suspicion...probably he's wondering if i am actually qualified to be teaching him math and is it too late to sign up for public school...then he sighs...

"i ran out of room on the paper...plus, sometimes it's just faster and easier to do it in my head"

indeed...

this year is going to be interesting...

i don't know why i assumed he used a calculator...i mean he never has before for schoolwork...i suppose it all comes of my getting used to trusting in his abilities...

the second part of the day came when we were reviewing the definition of a noun...a noun is a person, place, thing, or idea...and specifically we were reviewing the idea portion of the definition...(by the way, an idea is something that you can think about or feel, but not touch or see)...

so i gave him some example sentences...

"Happiness can be shared. A caged bird has no freedom. Sadness makes me want to cry...okay, now you give me an example sentence using an *idea* noun"

"I am sad when I lose a toy."

pause...hmm...then i say

"i don't think that's an *idea* noun"

"but i feel it, and think about it...and i can't see it"

which again, stumped me...hmm...he's right, technically...but i don't think he's right in terms of this excercise...then i start saying

"i mean, you're right...you can't see or touch sad...but i don't think it can be a noun...maybe it's a describing noun...what a minute, there's no such thing...but it's not a describing verb?...*am* is, but not sad...it's an adjective"

"but being sad is doing something"

double hmm...to which i say

"right, but it's an adjective...but that's weird because it is more of doing something that just describing something, huh?...even though it is describing the noun *i*, it seems like MORE than just a describing word...being sad?...doesn't it seem so?"

to which the duke says

"maybe you can read up in the grammar book and figure that out and get back to me...can we be done with school now?"

so there you have it...our first day...and judging from how it went, the duke thinks i cannot understand the concept of doing math in one's head and thinks i need more review on parts of speech...(he is so right about that!...and by the way, that grammar lesson WILL be repeated tomorrow!)...

the thing is, even though i can and do question and get stumped by simple grammar rules and the like, i still like the idea that the duke can see that i don't know everything (poor kid, if he only knew!)...that teachers in general don't know everything, and that there is still room for learning new ideas and re-learning old ones...that it's a process, this learning thing...and that it really doesn't ever end...

and i truly appreciate the process of learning along with the duke...it's one of the reasons homeschooling is so enjoyable for me...and ultimately my children...that education in any form is not about what you don't know, but rather what you are willing to learn...and that it is a journey...and like every great journey, it's less about how *much* or how *far*, and more about the process that takes us there...

and my ultimate goal is not to see how smart i can look in front of the duke and wingman, or how much information i can get them to spout back to me, but rather to share in the learning process with them...if i can continue to do that, then it will continue to be a fine trip indeed...

but the duke is right, maybe reading ahead sometimes wouldn't be such a bad idea...

x.

last night i had a wonderful dinner and evening out with my dear friend missM...a belated birthday celebration dinner and drinks and coffee and dessert...thank you missM for the gift of an evening of girlie gab and gluttony...too rare for this sillymortalmama, and much much appreciated...